Prince William Orders Three Personalised Number Plates: NOTYET, NOTHARRY and DISTASTEFUL, Allowing British Public to Read His Entire Personality in Traffic
Future King Selects Aston Martin for Waiting, Range Rover for Avoiding His Brother and Bentley for Expressing Disapproval of Almost Everything
WINDSOR, ENGLAND | Prince William has reportedly decided to bring back the royal tradition of personalised number plates, after learning that his late grandmother, Queen Elizabeth II, enjoyed a private motoring joke involving the registration MYT 1. According to Marie Claire, former royal butler Grant Harrold believes the plate nodded to the “Most Mighty” in the Queen’s official title, and that it may have been a gift from Prince Philip, whose sense of humour was never in doubt. Harrold adds that some people think Charles gave it to his mother. The palace has never confirmed either version.
William wants to carry on the family custom and has made absolutely sure nobody enjoys it. He has settled on three registrations that palace motoring specialists say sum up his emotional, constitutional and fraternal circumstances about as well as anything could. The plates are NOTYET, NOTHARRY and DISTASTEFUL.
Between them they cover the three governing principles of his existence: waiting to become King, reminding everybody he is not his younger brother, and finding ordinary human behaviour deeply objectionable.
Buckingham Palace’s Department of Unnecessary Symbolism approved the registrations after a seven-month consultation involving twelve courtiers, four constitutional historians, two psychologists and a man who once washed Prince Philip’s Land Rover. The expense was considered excellent value, since the plates now do most of the work that used to fall to royal press officers.
Members of the public who wish to follow the Prince’s lead can buy a personalised registration from the DVLA, online or at auction. GOV.UK guidance on buying a personalised registration number is clear that the number must go on a vehicle registered and taxed in the UK, and that it may not make the car look newer than it is. Palace lawyers are understood to have examined that last rule at some length in relation to the monarchy.
Aston Martin DB12 With the NOTYET Number Plate: A Future King’s Career Frustration
William’s first pick is a British racing green Aston Martin DB12 wearing the registration NOTYET.
The meaning needs little explanation. William is not yet King. As first in the line of succession, he has spent his whole life preparing for a job that can’t become vacant through retirement, redundancy, poor performance or an unfavourable annual appraisal. An ordinary British worker hoping for promotion can send in an application, sit an interview or threaten to leave for a better salary. William can do none of these. He can’t corner King Charles over breakfast and suggest the monarchy would benefit from younger management, a more ambitious outlook and someone who understands Instagram. He can’t ring HR to complain that his line manager has held the post for an unreasonable length of time.
NOTYET is therefore widely regarded as the most constitutionally accurate number plate in British motoring history.
“It’s really a statement of career frustration,” said Nigel Crankshaft, president of the Windsor Institute of Hereditary Motoring. “Most people get disappointed when they’re not promoted after five years. William has been on the management training programme since birth. The only person with a longer probationary period works at the Post Office.”
Satnav, Brakes and Owner’s Manual
The Aston is understood to have a modified dashboard reading ARE WE THERE YET? Where an ordinary satnav shows the miles remaining, this one calculates the distance to Westminster Abbey and announces that the estimated time of arrival is classified. An automatic braking system engages whenever William gets near the throne. A palace mechanic said the feature became necessary because the Prince tends to accelerate when anyone mentions a constitutional transition.
The owner’s manual carries a single instruction in unusually large type: “PLEASE BE PATIENT. YOUR FATHER IS STILL USING THE MONARCHY.”
Motorists who spot NOTYET on the M4 have been asked not to sound their horns. William has been waiting long enough.
Range Rover With the NOTHARRY Registration: Telling the Royal Brothers Apart
The second vehicle is a black Range Rover wearing the registration NOTHARRY. Royal commentators call it William’s most emotionally significant purchase. Where the Aston expresses professional impatience, the Range Rover deals with the far more complicated business of being related to Prince Harry.
The plate lets ordinary motorists tell the two brothers apart without consulting a genealogical chart, checking their hairlines or waiting for somebody to publish another memoir.
“William wants to establish his individual identity,” said royal relations consultant Lady Penelope Grudge. “That’s perfectly understandable. His brother moved to California and somehow William still runs into him in every newspaper.”
An employee at the royal garage said William first considered ELDERSON, then dropped it when it emerged that motorists might read it as a comment on age rather than constitutional superiority. HELEFT was turned down as insufficiently precise. NOTHARRY won unanimous approval because it covered the entire royal relationship in eight characters, with no television interview, publishing contract or seventy-minute documentary.
The Sussex Avoidance System
The Range Rover has been fitted with several improvements designed for modern royal family life. Its satnav automatically excludes Montecito, California. Its phone refuses incoming calls from numbers beginning with an American dialling code. The radio changes station whenever a presenter says “Harry and Meghan.” The rear-view mirror has been replaced with a device that flashes a warning whenever the driver starts thinking about his younger brother, and the collision prevention system identifies approaching journalists carrying microphones and questions about reconciliation.
According to engineers, the machine can handle rivers, mountains, forests and snow-covered roads. It cannot handle a family reunion.
An optional security package takes things further. When it detects Prince Harry within fifty metres, the windows close, the doors lock and the car heads for the nearest palace containing a sympathetic courtier. It is the first vehicle built to go anywhere in Britain except towards an uncomfortable conversation.
Bentley Continental GT With the DISTASTEFUL Plate: One Car for Every Royal Disapproval
William’s third vehicle is a silver Bentley Continental GT wearing the registration DISTASTEFUL. Palace observers rate it the most versatile of the three, since it suits virtually any public engagement, family development or newspaper headline.
The Prince has reportedly found so many things distasteful in recent years that officials considered embroidering the word onto his official stationery. The list of potential offences includes television interviews, autobiographies, documentaries, unauthorised charitable activities, commercial partnerships, American celebrity culture, conversations about royal privacy and relatives earning their own money. The Bentley lets him register all of these without calling in a royal correspondent.
“Think of the administrative savings,” said one Buckingham Palace efficiency consultant. “Before, an incident involving Harry meant three palace meetings, six phone calls, a briefing for a journalist and a statement about the Prince’s disappointment. Now William just drives past in the Bentley.”
The registration is flexible. If Harry launches a charitable project, William can take the Bentley. If Meghan releases a lifestyle product, William can take the Bentley. If Netflix announces another documentary, William can take the Bentley. If a royal relative fails to observe a protocol laid down in 1847 by a gentleman who believed bathing caused insanity, William can take the Bentley.
Extra Disapproval Capacity
The only difficulty comes when several distasteful incidents happen at once. The Bentley can’t be driven to three places at the same time, though engineers at Crewe are reportedly looking at fitting additional disapproval capacity.
The climate control holds the cabin at the temperature of a Buckingham Palace family dinner. The seats are exceptionally comfortable and still allow the occupant to look visibly dissatisfied. The sound system has thirty-two speakers, of which William is said to use one, to listen to palace officials explaining why everybody else has behaved incorrectly. A senior courtier called the car ideal for a man whose main recreation appears to be finding fresh reasons for disappointment.
Royal Motoring Experts Warn That William May Require a Fourth Car
The three registrations have caused real excitement in the British personalised number plate industry. A survey by the Windsor Institute of Royal Motoring found that 78 percent of motorists understood NOTYET straight away, 91 percent understood NOTHARRY and 100 percent understood DISTASTEFUL after three minutes of royal television coverage. The remaining respondents turned out to be people who had spent the previous five years without reading a British newspaper.
Officials have started asking whether more vehicles might be needed. Suggested registrations include MYTURN, ASKDAD, NOJAM, STILLMAD and WRONGTIE. Advisers worry that a bigger collection would damage the disciplined simplicity of the present arrangement. Three cars, they say, should cover the emotional requirements of a modern constitutional monarchy: one for the future, one for the family feud, and one for absolutely everything else.
King Charles Asks Whether the NOTYET Plate Is a Threat
The most delicate question is how King Charles has taken the Aston Martin. According to royal motoring insiders, Charles was at first pleased that his eldest son wanted to preserve a charming custom associated with Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip. His enthusiasm reportedly cooled once he learned what NOTYET meant.
“His Majesty wondered whether the registration represented impatience,” a courtier said. “We assured him it was simply a statement of constitutional fact. Unfortunately, constitutional facts are exactly what make royal families nervous.”
Charles suggested ONEDAY, which he thought sounded more respectful. William said it lacked urgency. The King tried EVENTUALLY. William said that wouldn’t fit comfortably on the car. A compromise, DADFIRST, was turned down on the grounds that it sounded less like a number plate and more like a disappointing Father’s Day card.
The matter was finally settled when palace officials reminded both men that constitutional monarchy rests on hereditary succession, national stability and the ability of two grown adults not to argue about a sports car.
Queen Elizabeth Managed to Make a Joke Without Starting a Constitutional Crisis
Royal historians have noted the contrast between Queen Elizabeth’s MYT registrations and William’s collection. Marie Claire reports that the Queen first used MYT 1 on her private car at Sandringham, then added MYT 2 and MYT 3 over the years. Hers was an affectionate family joke about her royal title. William’s could serve as a three-volume autobiography. NOTYET explains his constitutional predicament, NOTHARRY his family relationships, and DISTASTEFUL his attitude towards the British press, the American entertainment industry and almost every development since 2018.
Prince Philip, who reportedly enjoyed the Queen’s private motoring joke, might have appreciated the efficiency. He was a man who preferred a memorable remark to a seventeen-page palace communication strategy. Britain now has a future monarch who can explain his entire emotional universe through three carefully chosen registration plates.
The system has one more advantage for the public. Whenever William approaches a roundabout, motorists will know exactly what sort of day he’s having. If they see NOTYET, he’s thinking about his father. If they see NOTHARRY, he’s thinking about his brother. If they see DISTASTEFUL, he’s thinking about everyone else. And if all three cars are parked outside Windsor Castle, they can safely conclude that Christmas dinner has been cancelled.
Five Humorous Observations About Prince William’s Number Plates
- The only job where the promotion is guaranteed and you still can’t get it. That’s not a career, that’s a layaway plan. William has been paying into it since 1982 and the guy who’s holding the item is eating toast.
- A personalised number plate is a bumper sticker for people who can afford to be passive-aggressive at seventy miles an hour. The rest of us have to do it in the kitchen with the cupboard doors.
- NOTHARRY is eight characters. Eight. I once dated a woman who needed four hours, two glasses of wine and a flip chart to say what he says with a Range Rover. And he doesn’t even have to raise his voice.
- Three cars for three moods. That’s not a garage, that’s a feelings wheel with a V8. I own one car and it has two moods: working, and “that noise is probably fine.”
- DISTASTEFUL on a Bentley. Nothing says “I’m not judging you” like judging you from heated leather with the massage setting on. I get disappointed in people, sure, but I’ve never needed a chauffeur’s budget to do it.
Disclaimer: Prince William has not been reported to have ordered these registrations. The cars, palace reactions, surveys and quoted conversations form part of this satirical report. This story is entirely a human collaboration between two sentient beings: the world’s oldest tenured professor and a philosophy major turned dairy farmer.
SOURCE: Marie Claire on Queen Elizabeth’s MYT 1 number plate
Aishwarya Rao is a satirical writer whose work reflects the perspective of a student navigating culture, media, and modern identity with humour and precision. With academic grounding in critical analysis and a strong interest in contemporary satire, Aishwarya’s writing blends observational comedy with thoughtful commentary on everyday contradictions. Her humour is informed by global awareness and sharpened through exposure to London’s diverse cultural and student communities.
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