Category: International

America International

Military Defeat Notice: Trump Asks If Iran Was Told It Lost

Junglepussy

The White House suspects a postal error. WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has ordered an emergency investigation into whether Iran has been properly notified of its overwhelming military defeat, after the disturbing discovery that the Iranian regime keeps fighting despite months of American victories, destroyed military equipment and White House announcements enthusiastic enough to convince nearly everyone except Iran. The confusion follows an October 16 Christian Science Monitor investigation into…

International America

Ruling Clerics Claim Victory After Losing Iran’s Navy

Roper Penberthy

As long as one ayatollah has a microphone, the war is going splendidly. TEHRAN, IRAN, October 19, 2026 – Iran’s ruling clerics have declared an unprecedented military triumph over the United States, explaining that the continued existence of even one senior religious official able to issue threats is overwhelming proof that the Islamic Republic has defeated the world’s most powerful conventional military. The remarkable reading of military success comes as…

America Business International

Sustainable Warfare: Unlimited Victories, Peace Not Included

Judi Online

The premium package finally offers a peace agreement. Batteries sold separately. NEW YORK, October 19, 2026 – America’s defense industry has introduced a new approach to national security in which the United States can rack up virtually unlimited military victories without necessarily suffering the inconvenience of ending a war. The breakthrough follows months of American operations against Iran and growing interest in what it costs to replenish expensive weapons inventories.…

America Business International

American Taxpayer Funds the Iran War, Still Awaits a Receipt

Oeko Angebot

Seven months in, the receipt is still missing. WASHINGTON, D.C., October 19, 2026 – The American taxpayer has emerged as the most reliable weapon in the continuing conflict with Iran, absorbing financial damage without surrendering, negotiating, or receiving so much as a complimentary Pentagon baseball cap. Military planners have spent months counting Iranian missile inventories, naval capabilities and defensive infrastructure. Economists have studied the fallout for global energy markets. Politicians…

Business International

Milan Shopkeeper Thanks Rioters for the Lesson

Violet Woolf

Revolutionary solidarity, he learns, does not cover plate glass MILAN – A shopkeeper has thanked anti-capitalist rioters for accelerating his financial education, saying that one broken window had taught him more about risk, incentives and public order than several years of panel discussions about inclusive urban economies. “Before this, I thought my accountant was excessively pessimistic,” he said, standing beside an opening formerly occupied by expensive glass. “Now I understand…

International Business Social

Milan Protest Moves From Money to Trainers

Vivienne Pratfall

Abolishing property is easier when someone else stocked it MILAN – A socialist protest experiencing difficulty securing further access to other people’s money has diversified into other people’s trainers, describing the move as a practical response to liquidity constraints and an unexpectedly strong selection of footwear. Organisers said the transition from redistribution through taxation to redistribution through a broken window represented continuity rather than a change of principle. The window…

International Lifestyle Social

Protest for Workers Blocks Worker From Job

Isla Campbell

Evening cleaner asks organisers to leave a route to his wages MILAN – A worker attempting to travel between two jobs has expressed gratitude to demonstrators highlighting the difficulties faced by working people, while asking whether the campaign might briefly stop making those difficulties worse. The man finished an early shift unloading deliveries and set out for an evening cleaning job, only to discover that his usual route had been…

Business Culture International Social

Lidl Opens a Pub to Sell Alcohol Near Belfast

Caitlin Moran

A German supermarket beats Northern Ireland’s licensing rules by hiring a bartender. BELFAST, 19 October 2026. Northern Ireland’s licensing system has scored a victory for regulatory complexity after German supermarket chain Lidl found that the most practical way to sell alcohol near Belfast was to open an actual pub. The Middle Ale Opens in Dundonald The establishment, called The Middle Ale, opened in Dundonald in June following Lidl’s difficulties obtaining…

International UK Today

Every Idiot Gets a Voice, Not Right of Way

Fiona MacLeod

Wangaratta case: four-wheel drive offers excellent traction, no argument WANGARATTA, Australia – Democracy has run into another difficulty its founders apparently failed to anticipate: explaining that giving a man a voice doesn’t give his Toyota the floor. The suspected attack on independent MP Helen Haines, covered in BBC News live coverage, has brought that elementary distinction into grim focus. Haines was critically injured outside her electorate office in the Division…

International UK Today

Europe Excluded From Summit on Europe’s Security

Chelsea Bloom

Brussels assured it will be fully consulted when the bill arrives BRUSSELS – European officials have been reassured that exclusion from a proposed summit on Ukraine will not diminish their importance, since somebody must remain available to finance whatever the participants describe as a breakthrough. The arrangement gives the principal leaders room to discuss peace while Europe prepares spreadsheets explaining how peace will be housed, repaired, insured and connected to…

International UK Today

Xi Invited to Decide Another Nation’s Borders

Oeko Angebot

Beijing asks how to recognise consent from an empty chair BEIJING – Chinese diplomatic planners have welcomed the proposed great-power summit as an educational opportunity, particularly its innovative treatment of the country being discussed as optional conference equipment. The delegation is preparing to study every procedural detail: who issues the invitations, who selects the map and how a meeting about sovereignty works when the sovereign concerned is elsewhere. Researchers described…

International UK Today

Ukraine Told Owners Don’t Attend House Auctions

Isabel Navarro

Putin invites Trump and Xi to decide Ukraine’s future KYIV – Ukraine has been advised to approach its future with the quiet dignity expected of a house being sold by somebody who broke through the kitchen window. Officials organising the proposed great-power discussion explained that inviting the owner could create an emotional atmosphere and interfere with competitive bidding. The auction particulars describe Ukraine as a substantial European property with agricultural…

Education Governance International

France Forms Commission on 17 Failed Commissions

Asha Mwangi

43 Experts to Study Whether France Has Too Many Experts PARIS, October 22, 2026 – French political leaders have announced an ambitious new national commission to investigate the country’s escalating economic and political crisis, following the disappointing performance of the previous seventeen commissions established to investigate why previous investigations had accomplished so little. The Commission for the Comprehensive Evaluation of Unresolved National Difficulties will consist of 43 experts, nine working…

Education Governance International

France Learns It Can’t Spend Money It Lacks

Astrid Holgersson

Socialists Demand Inquiry Into Who Invented Arithmetic PARIS, October 22, 2026 – France’s political left has demanded an urgent investigation into arithmetic after government accountants discovered that public spending cannot continue indefinitely without somebody eventually financing it. The crisis began when an economist committed the provocative act of subtracting government expenditure from government revenue. The resulting number was negative. Officials initially dismissed the finding as a right-wing conspiracy, but subsequent…

Business Education Governance International

Marxists Burn Employers, Promise Jobs Afterward

Megan Amram

Full Employment Expected After Last Private Employer Closes PARIS, October 22, 2026 – France’s revolutionary left has encountered a minor complication in its campaign against capitalism: workers are discovering that businesses become considerably less useful after somebody sets them on fire. The difficulty emerged following violent demonstrations in which shops were looted, public buildings damaged and commercial activity disrupted. Peaceful Protesters, Violent Minority: The October 17 Riots According to The…

Education Governance International

Macron Abroad, France Finds It Has Two Executives

Harriet Collins

Republic Found to Have Two Executive Offices PARIS, October 22, 2026 – French left-wing protesters have demanded that President Emmanuel Macron immediately abandon his Middle Eastern diplomatic mission and return to Paris to personally supervise domestic government operations, apparently under the impression that the French Constitution contains only one job description. Macron’s trip, undertaken amid the recent unrest and concerns about fuel prices, prompted criticism from political opponents who considered…

Education Governance International Political

Socialists Blame Capitalism for Riots, Want €100bn

Margaret Colley

Left Finds Destruction an Excellent Chance to Redistribute Wealth PARIS, October 22, 2026 – French socialists have developed a revolutionary solution to the nation’s escalating riots, deteriorating public finances and widespread economic dissatisfaction: spend another €100 billion, blame capitalism for the invoice and explain that the resulting bankruptcy proves the government was insufficiently generous. The proposal follows the unrest examined in The American Prospect’s analysis of France’s political and economic…

Education Governance International Political

Marxists Demand Overthrow of French Government

Aishwarya Rao

Revolutionary Committee Promises Details After Seizing Power PARIS, October 22, 2026 – France’s militant Marxist fringe has proposed sweeping constitutional changes meant to turn the country into a model socialist republic, although preliminary discussions suggest several members of the revolutionary committee have yet to establish exactly how the present republic works. The proposed uprising comes as France approaches its 2027 presidential election amid serious public dissatisfaction, protests over living costs…

Education Governance International

Leftists Say Macron Abandoned France for Qatar

Yasmina Khan

President Finds Brief Respite From Resignation Demands in Doha PARIS, October 22, 2026 – President Emmanuel Macron has been accused of abandoning France during its latest outbreak of political unrest, prompting renewed speculation that he travelled to the Middle East not just to negotiate energy agreements but also to enjoy the increasingly rare sensation of sitting in a room where nobody was demanding his immediate resignation. Macron was conducting diplomatic…

Education Governance International

French Marxists Discover the Prime Minister

Astrid Holgersson

Revolutionary Committee Condemns Constitution as Bourgeois Propaganda PARIS, October 22, 2026 – French Marxists preparing another round of protests have run into an unexpected obstacle to overthrowing capitalism: the French Constitution, a document that somehow escaped their attention during several decades of revolutionary education. According to the October 21 New York Post report, President Emmanuel Macron has been accused of being absent during France’s unrest, despite conducting diplomatic business in…

International UK Today

French Mayor Bally Bagayoko Arrives at Immigrant Students’ Protest Demanding More Teachers, Leaves to Chants of ‘President!’ After Discovering Education Reform Is Less Exciting Than Running the Entire Country

Emily Cartwright

The Mayor of Saint-Denis Discovers That Protecting Immigrant Students From Riot Police Also Provides Excellent Television Coverage and Unexpected Presidential Branding SAINT-DENIS, FRANCE. The mayor of Saint-Denis, Bally Bagayoko, has become one of France’s most recognisable political figures after discovering that appearing at a demonstration by French students in a business suit offers considerably more publicity than attending municipal budget meetings. Bagayoko, 53, entered the national spotlight after standing between…

Culture International News Social

Marxists Charge Paris Revolution to French Taxpayers

Alan Nafzger

Marx, Lenin, Mao and Castro Charge Paris Revolution to French Taxpayers Elderly communists fuel Sorbonne uprising with government credit card PARIS, FRANCE, October 23, 2026 — French taxpayers have discovered that the latest revolution against capitalism is being financed by the very economic system its supporters are attempting to destroy, following the appearance of four elderly communist revolutionaries at a petrol station near the Sorbonne carrying a government expense account,…

International UK Today

Brussels Hears Britain Wants Back Into EU, Demands £50 Billion Security Deposit, Written Apology and Psychiatric Evaluation Before Allowing Nation to Touch Another Referendum

Harriet Collins

European officials insist Britain’s application must include proof of income, political stability and written confirmation that Nigel Farage will not organise another farewell party. BRUSSELS, 17 October 2026 – The European Union has responded to renewed British interest in membership by introducing an extensive psychological screening programme designed to determine whether the United Kingdom genuinely wants to rejoin or is simply experiencing another of its periodic constitutional episodes. European officials…

Entertainment Culture International UK Today

Katty West vs Kate Rich

Alan Nafzger

Katty West and Kate Rich Refuse to Finish Second United Nations Offers to Mediate Over Coffee MOSCOW — Russian officials have reportedly expressed concern after an entirely unofficial comparison between entertainers Kate Rich and Katty West showed that two women working in the private entertainment industry can attract international audiences without government subsidies, compulsory attendance, state television coverage or the arrest of political opponents. Kate reportedly leads in documented film…

International News Social

Paris Revolutionaries Defeated by Eiffel Tower

Asha Mwangi

Petrol Costs More Than the Revolution PARIS – A revolutionary collective has postponed the destruction of the established order after arriving at the Eiffel Tower with matches and discovering that France’s ruling classes had anticipated the uprising by building their landmark out of iron. The Committee for Immediate Structural Change described the setback as “a troubling example of infrastructure refusing to engage with legitimate grievances.” Its emergency statement demanded a…

International News

French Left Says Welfare State Can Grow Forever

Judi Online

Subtraction Reclassified as Austerity PARIS – A gathering of French socialist policy strategists has concluded that the welfare state can expand indefinitely, provided discussion remains focused on what people deserve and never deteriorates into how payments clear. The finding emerged from a three-day conference on universal provision, funded by an organisation whose treasurer spent most of the event looking for someone willing to approve the catering bill. “Every additional promise…

International Governance News

Prime Minister Andy Burnham Discovers Britain Can Rejoin EU, Announces Historic Plan to Solve Labour’s Economic Failures by Blaming Everything on Brexit Until Brussels Takes Responsibility

Bethan Morgan

Downing Street unveils ambitious programme to restore British prosperity by changing the subject, reopening negotiations and asking Europe to explain why Labour cannot run Britain. LONDON – Prime Minister Andy Burnham has discovered a revolutionary solution to Britain’s economic difficulties: blame Brexit for absolutely everything, including problems Labour has not yet had time to create. The breakthrough follows renewed discussion of Britain’s possible return to the European Union, with polling suggesting…

International Culture Social

Protesters Demand Other People’s Money

Emily Cartwright

Milan taxpayer asks to keep enough pay to reach work tomorrow MILAN – A campaign demanding greater access to other people’s money entered a difficult negotiating phase after several other people arrived with electricity bills and asked whether any of the money might still belong to them. The campaign grew out of a weekend of marches against rising living costs in the city centre, where, as ABC News reported, a…

International Political Reports Social

French Ministers Vow Crackdown on Conclusions From Smoke

Isla Campbell

France Burns While Socialists Investigate the Smoke Schools burn; the left debates who may mention it. PARIS — France’s political left has responded to the burning of schools, attacks on public buildings and spreading urban disorder by announcing an emergency communications strategy designed to establish, beyond reasonable doubt, that whatever has gone wrong cannot possibly be connected to anything its politicians previously supported. Firefighters have been instructed to extinguish the…

America International News

Putin Offers to Mediate War He Started

Siobhan O’Donnell

Kremlin promises impartiality, provided the referee arrives in a tank MOSCOW – The Kremlin has unveiled a streamlined model of dispute resolution in which the person responsible for the dispute also chairs the meeting, drafts the settlement and explains why the injured party is making everything unnecessarily personal. Under the arrangement, Vladimir Putin would bring a uniquely comprehensive understanding of the problem, having taken part extensively in creating it. Officials…