Category: Tourism

Tourism UK Today

EasyJet and Ryanair Add 29 Routes, Suitcases Win

Lotte Heidenreich

Passengers gain new places to negotiate with a metal box LEEDS – EasyJet and Ryanair have announced 29 new routes connecting UK airports with continental Europe next year, expanding the number of destinations Britons can reach once they’ve established whether their luggage is travelling under the same financial assumptions as they are. The development has been welcomed by passengers seeking sunshine, affordable fares and a bag that doesn’t need its…

America News Royals Tourism

Cebu Estate Agents Demand Character References

Alan Nafzger

Cebu Estate Agents Demand Character References From Pensioners Sandals now count as evidence, say Home Counties retirees CEBU CITY — Geoffrey Pargeter, 71, retired from Reigate to the Philippines in the spring, and this week he was asked to supply two referees, a utility bill and a letter from his vicar before a woman in a lanyard would let him look at a bathroom. “Two bedrooms, sea view, and apparently…

International News Tourism

Red Means Stop

Alan Nafzger

Spain’s Transport Ministry Discovers Red Means Stop Billions for the Train, a Committee for the Brakes MADRID — Spain’s socialist-led government is working through an uncomfortable discovery this week. A high-speed railway needs more than funding, speeches and a minister in a hard hat posing next to a shiny locomotive. Apparently the trains also have to be safe. The discovery follows Wednesday’s collision near Toledo, where at least 68 people…

Tourism

Tower of Babel Rebuilt as The Shard, God’s Inspectors Find

Carys Evans

The Property Developer’s Perspective: Humanity Reaches for Heaven, Then Attempts to Charge It Service Fees LONDON BRIDGE, LONDON: The Almighty has reportedly expressed concern that London’s property developers have resumed construction of the Tower of Babel, this time using Italian architects, Qatari investment and considerably more expensive glass. The investigation began when a heavenly inspection team noticed a 309.6-metre building rising above London Bridge. According to The Shard’s official architectural…

Political Governance Tourism

Burnham Doubts Third Runway, Heathrow Points Out Planes Land

Mei Lin Chen

Britain Poised to Become Aviation Superpower Without the Inconvenience of Airports LONDON, ENGLAND | Prime Minister Andy Burnham has expressed doubts about Heathrow’s proposed third runway, arguing that investment should also benefit regions outside London, according to The Times. Airport officials replied that a runway is traditionally helpful for aeroplanes, ranking just behind the aeroplane and just ahead of the £8 bottle of water. Transport consultants welcomed the news. Britain…

Tourism Business

Virgin Announces Luxury Train Service to Europe in 2030, British Passengers Delighted Someone Has Finally Designed a Train They Might Enjoy Being Delayed On

Caitlin Moran

Richard Branson’s transport empire promises airline-style comfort, cruise ship cuisine and sophisticated lounges for passengers travelling through a tunnel LONDON – Virgin has announced plans to revolutionise British railway travel by introducing luxury trains between London and continental Europe, offering passengers an experience inspired by international airlines, cruise ships and expensive hotels. The company plans to begin competing with Eurostar in 2030, using 12 new trains ordered from Alstom, The…

Current Absurdities Governance Tourism

Britain Rejects New Train Services to Wrexham and Rochdale After Discovering Railways Might Become More Popular If Trains Actually Ran

Alan Nafzger

Railway regulator warns that allowing additional passengers to reach their destinations could disrupt carefully maintained national timetable of delays and apologies LONDON – Britain’s railway regulators have rejected proposals for new direct services between London and several major towns, after concluding that putting additional trains on railway tracks could interfere with the operation of the railway. Plans for direct services connecting London with Wrexham and Rochdale have been refused by…

Food Locations Tourism

Shoreditch Coffee Shop Introduces £7 Flat White Made From Beans Personally Reassured About Their Carbon Footprint

AMW

Coffee now comes with emotional support, an ethics briefing and a price that sits 55% above the London average LONDON — A Shoreditch coffee shop has unveiled a £7 flat white made from beans that management says have been ethically sourced, sustainably transported and personally reassured throughout the roasting process that they are making a positive contribution to society. The café calls the new drink the future of responsible coffee.…

Business Governance Tourism

Heathrow Third Runway Slips to 2039, Ministers Hire Bankers to Explain Why the Sky Is Running Late

Lowri Griffiths

Ministers want bankers to check whether Heathrow’s £49 billion expansion is affordable, as opening day drifts from 2035 to 2039 and the paperwork asks for another moment LONDON – Ministers are lining up bankers to see if Heathrow’s £49 billion third runway is affordable, amid the suspicion that 2035 has become 2039. What’s the deal with a runway that has been late since before the people waiting for it were…

Tourism Culture Social

London Underground Rules

Mei Lin Chen

American Tourist Breaks All Five London Underground Rules Before Train Has Actually Left Heathrow London commuters confirm the Tube has only three laws: move down, stand right, and please stop making the rest of us listen to your phone LONDON — Britain has spent centuries developing parliamentary democracy, common law, afternoon tea and an elaborate constitutional monarchy whose precise powers remain unclear even to people employed to explain them. Yet…

Culture News Social Tourism

Londoner’s Guide to Hating London

Judi Online

A Londoner’s Guide to Hating London: The Only City Where Complaining About It Proves You Belong The capital remains one of the world’s greatest cities, which is exactly why Londoners demand the constitutional right to complain about every square inch of it LONDON — The Financial Times has examined that most ancient of metropolitan traditions: Londoners hating London while simultaneously becoming personally offended whenever somebody from Manchester agrees with them. The distinction is important. A…

Culture International Royals Tourism

Duke and Duchess of Gloucester Replace Harry and Meghan

Alan Nafzger

Harry and Meghan Replaced in Their Own Botswana Love Story by Queen Elizabeth’s Cousin, Palace Insists This Is Definitely Just a Coincidence Buckingham Palace discovers there are few subtler ways to remind the Sussexes they are no longer working royals than sending somebody else to the country where they fell in love LONDON — Buckingham Palace has announced that the Duke and Duchess of Gloucester will make an official visit…

Culture International News Tourism

Flydubai Flight FZ1073

Alan Nafzger

Flydubai Co-Pilot Suspected of Trying to Crash Tel Aviv Flight, Airline Announces Pilots Should Ideally Want Plane to Land Passengers discover the most important safety feature aboard a Boeing may be another pilot sitting in economy JERUSALEM, September 30, 2026 — Flydubai Flight FZ1073 from Dubai to Tel Aviv made an emergency landing in Tabuk, Saudi Arabia, Wednesday after what began in early reports as a cockpit altercation developed into…

Culture Governance Lifestyle Royals Tourism

Prince William Refuses to Wear Kilt

Alan Nafzger

Prince William Refuses to Wear Kilt, Scotland Given 24 Hours to Determine Whether Monarchy Still Operational Nation Confronts Terrifying Possibility That Future King May Have Knees Nobody Sees EDINBURGH: Scotland was reportedly given 24 hours Wednesday to determine whether the British monarchy remains constitutionally operational after Prince William committed the gravest act available to a modern heir who isn’t actually doing anything wrong: he declined to wear a kilt. Britain has survived invasions, abdications, civil…

Business News Tourism

Burnham Won’t Back Heathrow Third Runway

Vivienne Pratfall

Burnham Won’t Back Heathrow Third Runway, Britain Advised to Take a Train or Bus to Singapore Prime Minister says Heathrow expansion is principally a matter for London, accidentally inspires Britain’s first intercontinental replacement-bus service LONDON — Prime Minister Andy Burnham has declined to endorse Heathrow’s proposed third runway, telling the BBC that the issue is “principally” one for London and that local voices should be heard before he takes a position. Reuters…

Business Governance Social Tourism

Cure for Government-Controlled Buses

Alan Nafzger

London Discovers the Cure for Government-Controlled Buses Is More Government-Controlled Buses Sadiq Khan Creates Public Bus Company After City Hall Concludes Eight Contractors Are Seven Too Many LONDON — Mayor Sadiq Khan has unveiled Buses for London, a publicly owned operator expected to begin running Route 6 between Willesden and Victoria in late 2027. About 100 zero-emission buses are initially planned, with four more routes due to follow from 2028 before TfL evaluates whether the experiment…

Current Absurdities Culture Governance Social Tourism

London Turns Oxford Street Into Pedestrian Plaza, Scientists Predict Traffic Will Disappear Completely Provided Nobody Looks One Street Over

Harriet Collins

London Turns Oxford Street Into Pedestrian Plaza, Scientists Predict Traffic Will Disappear Completely Provided Nobody Looks One Street Over | Researchers confirm congestion can be neither created nor destroyed, only redirected toward someone who did not attend the consultation

Lifestyle Business Culture Governance Social Tourism

Oxford Street Goes Traffic-Free in October, Christmas Shoppers Thrilled to Discover They Can Now Be Crushed Exclusively by Other Christmas Shoppers

Oeko Angebot

Oxford Street Goes Traffic-Free in October, Christmas Shoppers Thrilled to Discover They Can Now Be Crushed Exclusively by Other Christmas Shoppers | London removes the vehicles so pedestrians can finally inconvenience one another without professional assistance

Business Culture History News Tourism

City of London Protecting Tower Views

Oeko Angebot

City of London Warns Protecting Tower Views Could Make Skyscrapers Unviable Economics Students Discover Supply, Demand and Extremely Expensive Sunlight as Henry VIII Reportedly Delights That His Property Portfolio Still Controls the Market Economics students across Britain received an unexpected practical lesson this week after the City of London warned that stronger protection of views around the Tower of London could make some skyscraper developments commercially unviable. For generations, economics teachers have struggled to…

Current Absurdities Culture Tourism

Britain Introduces a Tourist Tax

Isabel Navarro

Britain Introduces a Tourist Tax So Visitors Can Finally Contribute to the Cost of Being Told They Are Doing It Wrong A five per cent overnight levy is being prepared so that people who sleep somewhere other than their own house can help fund the experience of being frowned at in a breakfast room. LONDON — Labour mayors have been given, or are about to be given, the power to charge…