Hannity Finds Hatred Wins Elections, British Left Wants Notes
Sean Hannity finds hatred wins elections, and the British left in Westminster demands to know why nobody told them sooner.
Tag: Donald Trump
America Rejects Trump, Elects the Student Union Committee
America rejects Trump by electing the student union committee. British observers in London are astonished at the economics.
Americans Vote Marxism, Then Ask Why Everything Costs More
London economists watch Americans vote for Marxism to punish Trump, then ask why everything costs more. Labour sends congratulations.
Russia Sanctions Waiver: Trump Signs the Law, Then Cancels
Washington now punishes enemies with legislation and rewards them with exemptions. WASHINGTON, D.C., October 18, 2026 – President Donald Trump has revolutionized international diplomacy by signing legislation designed to cripple Vladimir Putin’s Russian economy, immediately suspending its most important provisions, and demonstrating that the world’s greatest military superpower can now defeat its enemies without the inconvenience of actually doing anything to them. According to The Washington Post’s reporting on the…
Zelensky Asks America to Stop Rewarding Putin
Unwavering support stays unwavering until voters complain about filling an F-150. KYIV, October 18, 2026 – Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has reportedly been advised to improve his country’s public relations strategy after discovering that protecting Ukrainian civilians from Russian attacks is becoming a less urgent priority in Washington than ensuring American motorists can afford to drive large vehicles to places located within walking distance. The diplomatic controversy intensified after President…
Vladimir Putin Gets a Money-Back Guarantee on Sanctions
Kremlin celebrates a breakthrough: American threats that expire before they begin. MOSCOW, October 18, 2026 – Russian President Vladimir Putin has reportedly ordered the Kremlin to examine whether future American economic sanctions could be converted into a customer loyalty programme after discovering that Washington will now impose devastating penalties, suspend them before implementation, and consider the entire transaction an exercise in international statesmanship. The diplomatic breakthrough follows President Donald Trump’s…
Sanctioning Russia and Iran Act Passes, Then Gets Waived
Ninety-seven senators discover that agreeing on something doesn’t mean anything will happen. WASHINGTON, D.C., October 18, 2026 – The United States Senate, which spent months developing bipartisan legislation designed to punish Russia for its invasion of Ukraine, has discovered that the fastest way to make Congress irrelevant is to allow the president to sign a law containing instructions for ignoring the law. The Senate passed the Lindsey O. Graham Sanctioning…
Russian Diesel Deal: Trump Trades Sanctions for Cheap Fuel
Democracy is priceless. A competitive price on 40 gallons of diesel, apparently, is more priceless. HOUSTON, October 18, 2026 – American motorists have received an important lesson in international relations after discovering that Washington’s opposition to authoritarian aggression may now depend on the price displayed outside a truck stop in suburban Texas. President Donald Trump’s decision to waive major Russia sanctions follows an agreement to allow Russian diesel sales into…
Donald Trump Shoots the Messenger
Trump Bans the Press: The King Shoots the Messenger Again From a sofa in London we watch Washington rediscover the oldest trick in politics: sack the courier, keep the crisis WASHINGTON — For most of human history, rulers confronted bad news using a simple communications strategy. They killed the person who brought it. It was crude. It was violent. It was *terrible for staff retention*. Fortunately, civilisation has progressed. The modern…
Trump Visits Ireland
Trump Visits Ireland, Solves 800 Years of History Before Lunch Trump Says Irish Are Friendly and Vicious, Nation Proud President Has Finally Understood the Pub President Donald Trump arrived in Ireland for a two-day visit and promptly wandered into one of Europe’s most delicate constitutional questions with the conversational confidence of a man deciding whether the clubhouse should serve soup. Asked about Irish reunification during a meeting with Taoiseach Micheál…
EU Fines Google €890 Million
EU Fines Google €890 Million, Then Googles What That Is In Normal Money Brussels discovers the only reliable way to regulate Google is to search Google for instructions. BRUSSELS, BELGIUM — The European Commission has fined Google €890 million for two breaches of the Digital Markets Act, then reportedly typed “€890 million in normal money” into Google Search before pasting the result straight into its own press release. The penalty breaks down into €460…
Trump Explains the Special Relationship
The Smaller Dog May Bark: Trump Explains the Special Relationship Using Furniture Bohiney.com — World Desk President Trump has once again reduced 250 years of transatlantic diplomacy to something you’d hear at a dog park, informing new British Prime Minister Andy Burnham that “the smaller dog may bark, but the larger dog controls the sofa.” Foreign policy analysts immediately began arguing about whether this counts as a threat, a compliment,…
Prime Minister Promises Tough Words for Trump
Prime Minister Promises Tough Words for Trump Following Full Impact Assessment of Tough Words Britain Will Issue Strong Statement Once Treasury Calculates Effect on Exports, Sterling and Canapé Supply LONDON, England — Prime Minister Andy Burnham has promised to use tough words against President Donald Trump whenever necessary, but only after Whitehall completes a comprehensive assessment of whether each adjective could affect trade, defence contracts or the availability of miniature sausage…
Trump Approves Saudi Nuclear Deal
Trump Approves Saudi Nuclear Deal After Kingdom Promises Uranium Will Be Used Only for Peaceful Enormous Explosions Riyadh’s civilian atomic programme will be supervised by American companies, congressional paperwork and a revolutionary safety system known as “please don’t.” WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has approved a landmark 30-year nuclear cooperation agreement with Saudi Arabia that could eventually permit uranium enrichment inside the kingdom, place American companies at the centre of…
Burnham Persuades Trump to Buy Half of Manchester
Trump Persuaded to Buy Half of Manchester, but Burnham Will Keep the Soccer Clubs New Prime Minister Offers US President City-Centre Property, Two Tram Lines and Complimentary Access to the Northern Powerhouse Brochure By Lowri Griffiths | Manchester Here’s the satire, with Manchester treated as a distressed luxury asset and its football clubs hidden beneath a constitutional tea towel. ⚽🏗️🇺🇸 Burnham Persuades Trump to Purchase Half of Manchester MANCHESTER, ENGLAND…
Andy Burnham’s Trump Tribute Act
Andy Burnham Trump Tribute Act: 15 Ways Britain’s New PM Is Rewiring Populism By the Prat.uk Political Desk Andy Burnham has denied, repeatedly and with the wounded dignity of a man accused of enjoying golf, that his premiership bears any resemblance whatsoever to Donald Trump’s. This is a reasonable position. Trump built towers. Burnham is building a second Downing Street out of a former Greggs. The two men have almost…
Can Romelu Lukaku Actually Read?
Romelu Lukaku Can’t Read, But He Can Absolutely DANCE: Lukaku Skips FIFA’s Paperwork and Goes Straight to the Dance Floor Belgium Smokes the U.S. 4-1, Then Files Its Appeal in Interpretive African Dance Belgium eliminated the United States 4-1 in the World Cup Round of 16 on Monday night in Seattle, and while nobody has confirmed whether Romelu Lukaku actually read FIFA’s 700-page disciplinary code on Folarin Balogun’s reinstated eligibility,…
UEFA’s “Marxist” Press Release
UEFA Discovers Politics Is Terrible… Right After Issuing a “Marxist” Press Release ⚽ Europe’s Football Bureaucrats Demand Games Stay Apolitical, Immediately Hold Three Emergency Political Meetings The marble corridors of UEFA echoed with self-congratulation this week after officials courageously declared that politics has absolutely no place in football… moments after publishing a press release that read like the minutes from a graduate seminar in political theory. The timing was, as…
Tom Cruise: London Immigrants Dangerous
Hollywood Discovers Law and Order After Tom Cruise Loses a Watch There are turning points in history. The moon landing. The invention of pizza delivery tracking. And now, the moment Tom Cruise reportedly looked at his wrist in London and realized his Rolex had achieved independence. Witnesses say the watch did not simply get stolen. It experienced what urban planners call an unscheduled ownership transition. And just like that, one of Hollywood’s…
Donald Trump State of the Union
Prat.uk Prepares to Fact Check Donald Trump State of the Union Before It Even Happens Five Things We Noticed Immediately About the State of the Union Pre-Game Fact checking now begins before sentences are spoken. Cable news has rehearsed reactions already. Twitter drafts are prepared. Pollsters have their eyebrows raised in advance. Half the country will clap before hearing content. Prat.uk is preparing its fact checking team ahead of Donald…
World’s First “Peace Club”
Trump Opens World’s First “Peace Club,” Everyone Shows Up Except People Who Like Complaining WASHINGTON, D.C. — Washington woke up this week to the unfamiliar sound of diplomats looking confused. The confusion came from a brand-new international body called the Board of Peace, chaired by Donald Trump, whose foreign policy philosophy appears to be: if you can’t fix the United Nations, build a competing HOA and start issuing parking tickets to war.…
The Populist King Trump
The Populist King Trump and the Left’s Imaginary Monarchy: A View From the U.K. In a political moment that feels like Game of Thrones crashed into a sixth form politics lecture, the United States finds itself simultaneously mocking and pretending there might be kings. Millions are planning marches under the banner “No Kings” for 28th March — which is deliciously ironic for those of us watching from a nation where we’ve got an actual constitutional…
Guide to the Iran War
First Principles Guide to the Iran War: A Completely Scientific Satirical Reconstruction of the Problem Let us rebuild the current Iran war from first principles. That means stripping the situation down to the most fundamental truths and stacking them back together like geopolitical Lego bricks. But instead of Downing Street briefings, imagine a row of world leaders bickering outside a motorway services. Because honestly… that is not far off. As…
Trump dit à l’Europe d’aller chercher son propre pétrole
Trump dit à l’Europe d’aller chercher son propre pétrole — l’Europe cherche encore le mode d’emploi C’était le moment géopolitique que personne sur le Vieux Continent n’avait anticipé, principalement parce que tout le monde était occupé à rédiger des communiqués solennels en espérant que l’Amérique s’en chargerait. Donald Trump, dans un geste que les historiens qualifieront un jour soit de « grand découplage » soit de « mardi ordinaire »,…