Category: Entertainment

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Princess Diana Has Not Yet Been Filmed From Every Possible Angle, YET

Oeko Angebot

Prince Harry Discovers Princess Diana Has Not Yet Been Filmed From Every Possible Angle Royal Documentary Industry Announces Historic Breakthrough After Camera Rotated Three Degrees to the Left Prince Harry’s reported plans for another project about Princess Diana have sent shockwaves through the British entertainment industry after producers announced they may have discovered a previously unexplored angle on one of the most documented human beings in modern history. The breakthrough…

America Culture Entertainment Lifestyle

Meghan Markle Misses Chance to Play Woman Who Causes National Crisis

Alan Nafzger

Meghan Markle Misses Chance to Play Woman Who Marries Into Wealthy British Family and Causes National Crisis Casting director reportedly discovers premise has already been running for several seasons, mostly on breakfast television Britain was confronting a severe entertainment crisis Sunday after commentators concluded Meghan Markle may have “missed a trick” by failing to turn her return to Britain into the one professional opportunity for which she possesses unusually specific…

America Culture Entertainment Royals

Wanting “Best of Both Worlds”

Harriet Collins

Britain Accuses Harry and Meghan of Wanting “Best of Both Worlds,” Millions Who Own Passports Immediately Turn Themselves In Royal outrage reaches dangerous new stage after Sussexes discover it is apparently possible to like California and Britain without choosing one in a televised duel The latest emergency comes courtesy of a Fox News report saying royal commentators believe Prince Harry and Meghan Markle want the “best of both worlds”: spending substantial time…

Culture Entertainment Royals Social

Prince Harry Plans Diana Movie

Vivienne Pratfall

Prince Harry Plans Diana Movie, Prince William Furious Brother Has Once Again Turned Family Therapy Into a Production Deal Harry Developing Film About Princess Diana as Royal Family Discovers Even Childhood Memories May Require Intellectual-Property Lawyers Britain’s most expensive unresolved family argument has reportedly entered the television-development stage. According to a Page Six report citing the Daily Mail, Prince Harry is considering producing a television film about his late mother, Princess Diana, and…

Current Absurdities Culture Entertainment Family

Meghan Protects Archie From Media

Alan Nafzger

Royal Privacy Watch: Meghan Protects Archie From Media Attention by Giving the Media Something New to Write About Archie The Duchess continues a revolutionary royal privacy strategy in which the public learns slightly more about the children every time it is reminded to stop looking at them HOLA! reports that Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, shared a previously unseen photograph of Prince Archie in a tribute to the late Gloria Steinem. Archie’s face…

Culture Entertainment Lifestyle Social

Egyptian Mummy Arrives at British Museum

Caitlin Moran

Egyptian Mummy Arrives at British Museum, Immediately Asked for Proof of Right to Reside Pharaoh produces 3,200-year-old burial certificate but Home Office requests recent utility bill — because eternal life apparently still needs a TV licence Risen From the Sarcophagus, Sunk by the System A newly awakened Egyptian mummy has encountered its first genuine horror after arriving in London: British paperwork, the kind explained in exhausting detail on the official gov.uk…

Culture Entertainment Lifestyle Social

Ofcom Launches Inquiry Into Pipes the Poltergeist

Mei Lin Chen

Ofcom Launches Inquiry Into Pipes the Poltergeist, 34 Years After Broadcast Britain’s media regulator finally gets round to investigating the BBC’s most notorious haunting, citing “an alarming lack of paperwork” from beyond the grave NORTHOLT — A council house on the fictional Foxhill Drive has once again become the centre of a national panic, not because a malevolent spirit named Pipes is banging on the airing cupboard, but because Ofcom has…

Sports Culture Entertainment

The 11-Man Car Park

Harriet Collins

Tuchel Unveils Bold New Formation: The 11-Man Car Park By Staff Correspondent, The London Prat — est. 1961 Atlanta, Where England’s World Cup Dreams Went to Park Responsibly In a stunning display of defensive alliteration — bunkered, blocked, and thoroughly bewildered — Thomas Tuchel has revealed the tactical innovation that will define his England reign: the moment a team goes 1-0 up, remove every single player capable of scoring a goal and…

Entertainment Culture History

Greek Gods Applaud The Odyssey

Alan Nafzger

Greek Gods Applaud Visual Effects, Ask Whether Anyone Remembered the Tragedy Olympus Hosts Advance Screening of The Odyssey at Leicester Square, Immediately Starts Queueing to Complain LEICESTER SQUARE, LONDON. The Greek gods emerged from a press screening of The Odyssey looking impressed, faintly damp, and quietly furious that Hollywood had spent several hundred million pounds recreating their family drama without so much as a courtesy email. Anyone who has studied Greek mythology at even…

America Culture Current Absurdities Entertainment News

Understand The Odyssey Means… You Must First Understand ‘Zeus’ Law’

Harriet Collins

Zeus’ Law: The Bronze Age’s Worst-Enforced Terms of Service Before Yelp, before TripAdvisor, before a single furious email to hotel management with “TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN” in 24-point font, there was Xenia — the sacred Greek code of hospitality, personally underwritten by Zeus, King of the Gods and, apparently, Chief Compliance Officer of the entire Aegean. The law was elegant in its simplicity: feed the stranger, shelter the traveller,…

Culture Entertainment Family International Relationships Tourism

Zendaya Weds Tom Holland at 400-Acre Estate

Chelsea Bloom

Zendaya Weds Tom Holland at 400-Acre Estate After Wedding Planner Concludes a Normal Hotel Might Make the Groom Too Easy to Find Secret Surrey do requires five-star manor, private cinema, golf course and enough countryside to ensure Spider-Man can attend without being spotted behind the floral arrangements SURREY — Zendaya and Tom Holland reportedly celebrated their marriage at Beaverbrook, the spectacular five-star Surrey country estate where privacy isn’t measured in curtains…

Culture Entertainment Social

Abbey Road Photographer Iain Macmillan

Carys Evans

Beatles Complete Ten-Minute Photo Shoot, Accidentally Sentence London Motorists to 57 Years of Tourists Walking Very Slowly Across Traffic LONDON, August 8, 2026 — On this day 57 years ago, John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr walked across Abbey Road while photographer Iain Macmillan stood on a stepladder and a policeman stopped traffic, thereby establishing the modern principle that anything becomes culturally important if enough British people…

Food Entertainment Social

Government’s War Against Vertical Drinking

Asha Mwangi

20 Humorous Observations on the Government’s War Against Vertical Drinking The premise is almost too cooperative with satire: Westminster City Council has floated licensing guidance that would discourage “vertical drinking,” meaning drinking while standing, in favor of more seating and table service. The council says this is about crowding, noise, and disorder rather than literally outlawing standing with a pint. Better still, politicians including Mayor Sadiq Khan have attacked the idea, while pub operators…

America Culture Entertainment News

Prince Harry Wants Meghan Back Beside Him in Britain

Chelsea Bloom

Prince Harry Wants Meghan Back Beside Him in Britain, Royal Family Quietly Searches Attic for 2020 Terms and Conditions Sussex reconciliation reportedly enters the dangerous phase where everyone discovers somebody kept the paperwork LONDON — Prince Harry’s continuing efforts to rebuild bridges with Britain have apparently reached the most frightening stage of any family reconciliation: somebody has gone looking for the original agreement. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex formally…

America Culture Entertainment Lifestyle

Secret Sussex Divorce Strategy Leaks

Margaret Colley

Secret Sussex Divorce Strategy Leaks, Confirming the Couple Still Cannot Keep Anything Secret The couple reportedly explores separate futures as Netflix prepares a tasteful eight-part documentary about who gets custody of the grievances By Royal Correspondence Desk Montecito Sources Describe a Marriage Running on Two Separate Calendars MONTECITO, CALIFORNIA — Prince Harry and Meghan Markle may have finally discovered the one project capable of restoring worldwide interest in the Sussex…

America Current Absurdities Entertainment Lifestyle Social

Harry and Meghan Plan UK Return

Isabel Navarro

Harry and Meghan Plan UK Return, Britain Checks Palace Attic for Spare Emotional Baggage Sussexes reportedly consider moving the family back as royal reconciliation acquires school uniforms, security invoices and a production schedule. LONDON — Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are reportedly considering a return to Britain, with questions continuing over security arrangements and British schooling for their children, according to The Independent’s coverage of the Sussexes’ possible UK move. The reverse…

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Meghan Markle Hits 22% Approval in Britain

Roper Penberthy

Meghan Markle Hits 22% Approval in Britain, Immediately Announces 78% of Country Simply Hasn’t Heard Her Side Yet Netflix reportedly standing by with enough cameras to make absolutely certain they hear it LONDON — Meghan Markle has reportedly responded to a British favourability rating of just 22% by concluding that the remaining 78% of the population must simply require additional Meghan Markle. It is a strategy familiar to anyone who…

Entertainment Bad Taste Culture Current Absurdities

Premarital Sex to One Night a Year

Charlotte Whitmore

Fascist Government Limits Premarital Sex to One Night a Year, Gen Z Asks Whether Attendance Is Mandatory Millennials Finally Receive a Guaranteed Night of Passion, Then Discover It Conflicts With Rent, Therapy and Their Tuesday Laundry Window NEW YORK CITY — A new romantic dystopia reviewed by Time magazine imagines a government restricting unmarried citizens to one officially approved night of sex each year, a premise immediately recognized by young Americans as…

Entertainment America Culture Food Royals

Meghan’s Netflix Cookery Show

Asha Mwangi

Martha Stewart Torches Meghan’s Netflix Cookery Show, Fire Brigade Finds Only Scented Candles and a Slightly Singed Union Jack Tea Towel With Love, Meghan teaches ordinary Britons how to prepare a simple family breakfast using imported flowers, artisanal butter and a household budget roughly equal to the GDP of a mid-sized Commonwealth nation MONTECITO, CALIFORNIA — America’s own domestic goddess Martha Stewart has delivered the most devastating review yet of…

Entertainment Governance Social

Britain Bans Movie Poster

Isla Campbell

Britain Bans Movie Poster for Being Horrifying, Allows London Underground to Continue Operating Advertising watchdog protects children from picture of mummy while leaving them exposed to fares, delays, escalators and contemporary Britain Britain Bans Horror Poster After Discovering It Contains Horror Regulators Promise Future Scary-Movie Campaigns Will Contain Nothing More Alarming Than Moderate Mortgage Rates LONDON, ENGLAND — Britain’s advertising regulator has banned outdoor posters for Lee Cronin’s The Mummy…

Entertainment Royals

Sarah Ferguson Returning to Britain

Carys Evans

Sarah Ferguson Eyes “Most Incredible Comeback Yet,” Frank Sinatra’s Estate Demands Royalty Payments Former duchess reportedly considers returning to Britain, repairing relations with King Charles and telling “her side” after discovering public silence cannot be monetised LONDON, ENGLAND — Sarah Ferguson is reportedly considering what one royal commentator has called her “most incredible” comeback yet, potentially involving a return to Britain, an attempt to rebuild relations with King Charles and…

Culture Entertainment Royals Social

Sarah Ferguson Eyes Comeback

Alan Nafzger

Sarah Ferguson Eyes “Most Incredible Comeback Yet,” Frank Sinatra’s Estate Demands Royalty Payments Former duchess reportedly considers returning to Britain, reconciling with King Charles and telling “her side” after discovering public silence cannot be monetised LONDON, ENGLAND — Sarah Ferguson is reportedly considering a return to Britain, a reconciliation with King Charles, a new business venture and a documentary explaining her side of recent controversies, prompting Frank Sinatra’s estate to…

Entertainment Food Health

Britain Discovers Temporal Hollowing

Alan Nafzger

Britain Discovers Temporal Hollowing, Immediately Gives Its Temples Their Own PR Firm GLP-1 Weight Loss Sparks Fleet Street Panic as Celebrities Discover Even Their Foreheads Are Expected to Maintain Volume LONDON Britain’s Latest Medical Emergency Has Arrived Above the Cheekbones A report making the rounds on British breakfast telly has drawn attention to temporal hollowing, a reduction in volume around the temples that can become noticeable after rapid weight loss.…

America Culture Entertainment Lifestyle

Britain Imports Powerball

Oeko Angebot

  Britain Imports Powerball, Finally Gains Access to American-Size Disappointment Nation That Cannot Predict Tuesday’s Train Now Confidently Predicts Six Random Balls in Florida LONDON — Britain has strengthened its special relationship with the United States by importing Powerball, an American lottery capable of producing jackpots exceeding £1 billion, along with disappointment large enough to require its own postcode. UK players now compete for the same enormous jackpot as Americans, although…