Nolan’s Odyssey: Homer Gets Recast as an Extra in His Own Movie Sixty times the director explained Bronze Age Greece to itself LOS ANGELES — Christopher Nolan took a three-thousand-year-old poem about a guy trying to get home and turned it into a three-hour movie about Christopher Nolan trying to get home. Same journey. Fewer monsters. Way more staring. Ron Fitzgerald, a stand-up who works the late set at a Sunset…
Rod Stewart Announces “Most Definitely” Final Tour, Britain Requests Definition of “Final” | 81-Year-Old Singer Retires From Touring While Keeping Convenient Emergency Exit Marked “One-Off Gigs”
Putin Decides Britain Wants Kaliningrad After Watching Sky Telly, Then Wonders What Else on British Television Is Real A Baltic exclave, a Sky wargame and a drama-fuelled misunderstanding send the Kremlin searching the TV guide for more British plans MOSCOW — Kremlin aides say the Russian president has become quietly convinced that Britain intends to seize Kaliningrad on the Baltic Sea, after what insiders describe as “an extremely persuasive evening of British television.”…
It Couldn’t Have Happened to a Nicer Guy: Ari Emanuel’s Rage Memoir Loses No. 1 to Princess Diana Book Hollywood’s legendary dealmaker discovers the one negotiation he cannot win is with people buying books There are moments when the universe displays such exquisite comic timing that you suspect God has finally hired a writers’ room. Ari Emanuel’s new memoir, Roll the Calls, debuted at No. 2 on the New York Times bestseller list, according…
British Publishing Embraces ‘Weird Girl’ Novels About Aimless Women With Bad Jobs, Immediately Shortlists Entire Population of London London’s latest literary movement combines alienation, unaffordable rent, bad employment and staring silently at household objects, meaning publishers may never again need to commission an original plot LONDON | Britain’s publishing industry has enthusiastically embraced the growing phenomenon of “weird girl literature,” only to discover that the defining characteristics of the genre describe…
Banned Books Week UK Celebrates Free Expression by Carefully Selecting Which Free Expression You’re Allowed to Celebrate British Libraries Declare Every Viewpoint Welcome, Provided It Has Completed the Correct Forms, Passed Safeguarding and Been Approved for the Display Table LONDON | Britain will celebrate Banned Books Week UK from 4 to 10 October 2026, during which libraries, schools, bookshops and readers are encouraged to defend the freedom to read by hosting…
Palace Outraged Charles Spencer Dragged Diana Drama Back Into Public Eye, British Media Shocked Anyone Else Found the Storage Key | Newspaper Industry Demands Monopoly Over Reopening Royal History
Digger Saves Planet by Making Audiences Too Exhausted to Drive Home Hollywood Discovers the World’s Last Untapped Natural Resource: Self-Importance HOLLYWOOD — Scientists announced Tuesday that mankind may finally have discovered an energy source powerful enough to replace petroleum: the enormous pressure generated whenever an Oscar-winning filmmaker attempts to say something important. The breakthrough reportedly occurred during screenings of Digger, Alejandro G. Iñárritu’s environmental satire starring Tom Cruise as Texas oil billionaire Digger Rockwell, a name…
Henry VIII Rules on Prince William Calling Harry a “Traitor”: “I Know Treason. This Is Not Treason.” The Tudor Monarch Returned From the Dead Reviews Reports That Harry and Earl Spencer Have Formed an “Alliance,” and Finds No Cavalry, No Calais and Not One Single Beheading LONDON — Yahoo’s item repeats a reported, anonymously sourced claim that Prince William has been calling Prince Harry and Earl Spencer “traitors” amid the…
Harry and Meghan Reportedly Fear UK Return Was a Huge Mistake, Palace Responds by Turning Thermostat Down Another Three Degrees Sussexes Discover Geography Cannot Cure a British Family Feud LONDON — Prince Harry and Meghan Markle reportedly fear that moving their family back to Britain may have been a “huge mistake,” after discovering that reducing the physical distance between yourself and estranged relatives does not automatically reduce the emotional distance, especially when the relatives…
France’s Top Book Prize Drops a Novel Because One Robot Snitched on Another Robot, and Seven More Robots Can’t Get Their Stories Straight Software says software probably wrote a bestseller, the Académie Goncourt blinks, and the only thing anyone has proven is that nobody agrees on anything PARIS — Somewhere in this city, a literary establishment that once fought duels over semicolons has outsourced its judgment to a website with a…
London Karaoke Night Ends After Man Learns He Has Been Mishearing Oasis for 25 Years | Friends say his version of Wonderwall was “legally adjacent”
Local Media Mogul Charles Magnussen Announces He Has ‘Nothing to Hide,’ Immediately Blackmails Three Journalists Who Ask Follow-Up Questions Beloved Newspaper Baron Insists Transparency Is His Brand, Then Produces a Folder Nothing says “transparency” quite like a man who treats other people’s secrets as a personal pension fund.— Morag Sinclair LONDON — Media proprietor Charles Augustus Magnussen attempted to reassure the British public Thursday that he has “absolutely nothing to hide,” before spending…
Ed Sheeran Bends the Knee, Mob Complains He Didn’t Kneel Enthusiastically Enough The Mob Never Gives You Credit for Being a Nice Guy PHILADELPHIA — Ed Sheeran has discovered the oldest rule of dealing with an ideological mob: the first concession is never recorded as generosity. It is entered into evidence as proof that you can be persuaded to make another one. The latest installment arrived after Macklemore was removed from…
Parliament Investigates Britain’s Eurovision Failures, Scientists Suggest Problem May Be Englishness MPs Launch Historic Inquiry Into Why Europe Keeps Giving Britain the Musical Equivalent of an Unfollow LONDON — Britain’s Eurovision problem may finally have a scientific explanation: the English keep entering it. The contest demands exuberance, theatrical excess and shameless enthusiasm, three qualities England has traditionally regarded as things that happen to foreigners after two glasses of wine. Britain has…
AI Industry Promises It Won’t Create Cyberpunk 2077, Immediately Begins Building Arasaka DeepSeek Engineer Warns AI Could Produce a Cyberpunk 2077 Society, Prompting Tech Industry to Ask Whether Night City Offers Tax Incentives A DeepSeek engineer has warned that artificial intelligence could eventually produce something resembling the corporate dystopia of Cyberpunk 2077, apparently unaware that the technology industry already heard the phrase “Cyberpunk 2077 society” and immediately asked whether there…
Euphoria Cast Discuss Sydney Sweeney’s Nude Scenes, Britain Insists It Was Watching Purely For The Character Development Sky Atlantic Viewers Reveal They Have Always Taken A Deep, Scholarly Interest In Cassie Howard’s Emotional Wellbeing Britain has once again risen magnificently to the challenge of pretending to watch television for the plot. Following fresh comments from the cast and crew of Euphoria about Sydney Sweeney’s nude scenes, the nation’s Sky Atlantic subscribers have been forced,…
Cyberpunk 2077 Wasn’t a Warning, It Was a Development Plan Humanity Spent Decades Fearing Corporate Dystopia Before Realising It Comes With Better Jackets, Faster Cars and Extremely Good Lighting In Night City, economists, philosophers and public-policy experts suffered a major setback this week after ordinary people examined the supposedly horrifying future depicted in Cyberpunk 2077 and discovered that, compared with life in modern Britain, it appears to include several attractive upgrades. For years,…
Britain Fails Meghan Again By Refusing To Provide The 40 Photographers She Promised Kate Discovers She Has Somehow Been Doing The School Run For Years Without Requiring NATO Air Cover Britain was plunged into an embarrassing national failure this week after apparently neglecting to supply Meghan Markle with the enormous school-gate paparazzi army she once suggested would make ordinary school drop-offs impossible. The controversy follows renewed attention to Meghan’s 2022…
Harry and Meghan Edge Closer to Royal Lodge as Britain Runs Out of Buildings to Be Angry About Sussexes may trade a $650,000-a-year California carrying bill for a 30-room Windsor downsizing opportunity previously occupied by Andrew WINDSOR, ENGLAND — A report that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle may be one step closer to occupying Royal Lodge has given Britain the reassuring news that the national housing crisis now includes people choosing between two…
Hailey Bieber Goes Completely Naked to Show Off Tan Lines, Fashion Industry Confirms Clothes Have Finally Been Eliminated From Fashion Model Removes Entire Outfit, Saves Magazine Editors Three Hours Identifying Designer The international fashion industry entered an exciting new era this week after Hailey Bieber posed nude for Ice Magazine, apparently confirming that after roughly 170,000 years of human experimentation with clothing, fashion has finally worked its way back to not…
Diana’s Revenge Dress Returns: The Dress That Outlasted an Apology Sotheby’s Estimates the Revenge Dress at Up to $300,000, Though Britain Still Can’t Agree If It Was Fashion, Retaliation, or the Best Story Ever Buried Sotheby’s is preparing to auction Princess Diana’s revenge dress, the celebrated black Christina Stambolian gown worn to the Serpentine Gallery on 29 June 1994, the same evening a television documentary aired in which Prince Charles…
Harry Is Officially a ‘Private Citizen,’ Says Everyone But Harry Buckingham Palace’s New ‘Private Citizen’ Label Reached Whitehall Before It Reached Harry LONDON — Prince Harry has run into one of the great mysteries of British public administration. He is, apparently, a private citizen, and his private status is important enough that the King had to explain it to senior figures across the entire British establishment. Buckingham Palace recently reiterated that…
Harry and Meghan Return to Britain, Immediately Discover 20 Exciting Financial Opportunities the Palace Forgot to Monetise Sussexes reportedly explore fresh commercial possibilities as Britain realises the monarchy has been sitting on several billion pounds’ worth of unresolved family awkwardness There is at least a real-world springboard for this little excursion into financial lunacy. OK! Magazine reports speculation that Harry and Meghan’s return to Britain could open new financial opportunities,…
Sydney Sweeney’s Novig Ad Scandal: Outrage as Advertising How America’s Angriest Critics Became Novig’s Best Unpaid Marketing Team The internet has reportedly delivered a devastating blow to sports prediction company Novig by ensuring that millions of additional people who had never heard of Novig, had never visited Novig and previously thought “Novig” might be a Scandinavian kitchen appliance are now fully acquainted with the company, its celebrity spokesperson and approximately…
Harry and Meghan Move Children After Two Days at School; Archie and Lilibet Smash Family Record for Leaving a British Institution Security concerns prompt rapid school switch as Sussex family discovers even childhood education requires a constitutional briefing LONDON — Prince Archie and Princess Lilibet have changed schools only two days after beginning at their first British school, after the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s security team raised concerns over the…
Harry And Meghan Reject Private Citizen Label, Demand Upgrade To Public Figure Buckingham Palace Discovers That Being A Private Citizen Requires Its Own Government Department LONDON — Britain’s constitutional machinery groaned back into gear this week after Prince Harry and Meghan Markle reportedly objected to being described as private citizens, forcing royal officials to confront a question that has haunted the nation since Magna Carta: exactly how many civil servants does…
King Charles Invents the ‘You Quit’ Doctrine for Non-Working Royals Palace Says Prince Harry Remains a Non-Working Royal, Lawyers Asked to Confirm the Obvious LONDON — King Charles has reportedly reaffirmed that Prince Harry and Meghan remain non-working royals, prompting another national investigation into one of Britain’s most difficult philosophical questions. When a man stops doing a job, does he eventually stop having the job? Buckingham Palace’s answer appears to…
Harry and Meghan ‘Happy to Be Back,’ British Newspapers Convene Emergency Meeting to Determine Why Harry wants Archie and Lilibet to understand their British heritage, beginning with rain, queues, school uniforms and the ancient national custom of having strangers explain your family to you Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are reportedly delighted to be back in Britain, where Prince Archie, 7, and Princess Lilibet, 5, have started the new school…
Diana Inc.: New Book, New Netflix Film, and a King Bracing for Impact Thirty years on, Princess Diana remains the family’s most reliable income stream, and nobody in Buckingham Palace can figure out how to unionise against it There is a very specific look that crosses a monarch’s face when he learns a member of his own former in-law network is publishing a memoir called Swan Song, and it is not…
