Royals Invite Cousins, Leave Parents at the Gate
William and Kate suggest a playdate for the royal cousins in London: five children inside the palace, four adults at the coffee shop.
Tag: Prince William
Prince William vs a Real Man
Prince William Tried to Crop Out Travis Kelce Royal photo etiquette meets an NFL champion who wouldn’t budge LONDON, October 24, 2026 — Prince William has revealed that he repeatedly tried to remove American football star Travis Kelce from a photograph with Taylor Swift and his children, offering a glimpse into life in a family where people have been stepping aside for you since infancy. According to the October 23…
Prince William Thinks His Harry Dig Was Subtle
Future King Finds ‘The Traitors’ Closest Thing to Stand-Up LONDON, October 24, 2026 – Prince William has entered a new phase of his development as Britain’s future monarch. He has discovered that a man can appear on a television chat show, mention a programme called The Traitors, enjoy a chuckle and leave royal watchers wondering whether another little message has gone across the Atlantic. According to USA TODAY’s October 23…
Graham Norton Show: Prince William’s Pure Press Release
Policeman for the Right, DJ for the Left, Batman for Everyone Else LONDON, October 24, 2026 – Prince William’s October 23 appearance on The Graham Norton Show produced a remarkable collection of publicity-friendly revelations. According to InStyle, the future king once considered becoming a policeman or a DJ. He also discussed Christopher Nolan films, The Celebrity Traitors, his children and the Earthshot Prize. Each answer came packaged for its own…
Prince William Inherits the Throne and the Family Grudges
Crown Comes With Castles, Swords and Publishing Contracts LONDON, ENGLAND – Prince William has reportedly discovered a previously overlooked disadvantage of becoming King of England: the crown is hereditary, but so are the family arguments. Speculation that Sarah Ferguson might someday publish a royal memoir after King Charles’s death has prompted an extraordinary theoretical review of the administrative burdens awaiting the next monarch. Ferguson has denied that she is writing…
Scientology’s Takeover of William and Kate
Twelve Clues Suggest Scientology Is Circling William and Kate, Thirteenth Clue Simply Reads ‘Seriously, How Many Royal Events Is Tom Cruise At?’ Royal journalist assembles 12 pieces of evidence Scientology has reached the heirs, immediately runs out of red string LONDON — Buckingham Palace has reportedly become concerned about Prince William and Catherine’s increasingly visible association with Tom Cruise, although the actual reporting rests on an anonymous source rather than any public…
Tom Cruise Says Five Nice Words About Kate Middleton
Tom Cruise Says Five Nice Words About Kate Middleton, Britain Deploys Entire Royal-Analysis Industry “William chose well” enters the national bloodstream, where ordinary compliments are immediately converted into constitutional events LONDON — Britain’s royal-commentary infrastructure was placed on heightened alert after Tom Cruise reportedly looked at Catherine, Princess of Wales, and delivered the dangerously concise verdict: “William chose well, she’s beautiful.” The remark, reported by Grazia, contained five words of matrimonial analysis,…
Prince William, Heir, Left Near Too Many Metaphors
Prince William Calls Harry a ‘Rotten Apple,’ Palace Immediately Launches Inquiry Into Who Keeps Leaving the Heir Near Metaphors William Brands Harry a ‘Rotten Apple,’ Apparently Forgets They Grew on the Same Royal Family Tree LONDON — Buckingham Palace has reportedly launched an emergency review of all metaphors within fifty yards of Prince William after the Prince of Wales was linked through an unnamed source to the description of his…
Prince William Called Earl Spencer and Harry “Traitors”
Henry VIII has returned to 2026 Britain and has one question for the modern Royal Family: What exactly counts as treason now? Reports citing unnamed royal sources claim Prince William has referred to Prince Harry and Earl Spencer as “traitors” amid fallout from Charles Spencer’s memoir about Princess Diana. Henry VIII, a man with considerable professional experience in the treason department, is unimpressed. In Henry’s world, treason involved armies, sealed…
Prince Harry Checks Uncle’s Diana Memoir for Embarrassing Revelations, Discovers Royal Family Has Bigger Problems Than Chapter About Him
Prince Harry Checks Uncle’s Diana Memoir for Embarrassing Revelations, Discovers Royal Family Has Bigger Problems Than Chapter About Him | Duke Finds Himself in Rare Position of Being Merely Related to the Crisis
Prince Harry Asks Charles Spencer Whether Diana Book Contains Anything Embarrassing About Him, Apparently Forgets Entire Internet Already Exists
Prince Harry Asks Charles Spencer Whether Diana Book Contains Anything Embarrassing About Him, Apparently Forgets Entire Internet Already Exists | Duke Conducts Final Privacy Inspection After Approximately Three Decades of Britain Inspecting Him for Free
Prince William Calls Diana Memoir a Betrayal, Publishing Industry Quietly Confirms That Is Usually the Interesting Part of a Family Memoir
Prince William Calls Diana Memoir a Betrayal, Publishing Industry Quietly Confirms That Is Usually the Interesting Part of a Family Memoir | Publishers Reassure Nation That Completely Harmonious Families Continue to Sell Poorly
King Charles and Prince William Reportedly Furious at Charles Spencer, Discover Family History Becomes Much Less Charming When Someone Writes It Down
King Charles and Prince William Reportedly Furious at Charles Spencer, Discover Family History Becomes Much Less Charming When Someone Writes It Down | Buckingham Palace Learns the Most Dangerous Object in Britain May Be a Relative With a Publisher
Prince William Called Earl Spencer and Harry “Traitors”
Henry VIII Rules on Prince William Calling Harry a “Traitor”: “I Know Treason. This Is Not Treason.” The Tudor Monarch Returned From the Dead Reviews Reports That Harry and Earl Spencer Have Formed an “Alliance,” and Finds No Cavalry, No Calais and Not One Single Beheading LONDON — Yahoo’s item repeats a reported, anonymously sourced claim that Prince William has been calling Prince Harry and Earl Spencer “traitors” amid the…
Britain Faces Six Impending Royal Conflicts
Prince Harry Faces Six Impending Royal Crisis, Palace Quietly Orders Seventh Just in Case Royal Calendar Now Includes Remembrance Sunday, Christmas, Carol Singing and Several Ceremonial Opportunities to Stand Near Someone You Haven’t Spoken to Since 2022 LONDON — Britain, having temporarily run short of constitutional emergencies, has discovered six fresh crises involving Prince Harry, Meghan Markle and the terrifying possibility that somebody might attend Christmas lunch. What are the…
King Charles Braces for New Diana Book
King Charles Braces for New Diana Book, Discovers 1997 Still Hasn’t Finished With Him Palace fears an “unfiltered” Charles Spencer memoir after relying for three decades on carefully ironed history LONDON — King Charles is reportedly “bracing for the worst” ahead of Charles Spencer’s forthcoming memoir about Princess Diana, according to this report on the King’s reaction to the Spencer memoir, forcing Buckingham Palace to confront the monarchy’s greatest constitutional weakness: another…
Harry and Meghan ‘Happy to Be Back’
Harry and Meghan ‘Happy to Be Back,’ British Newspapers Convene Emergency Meeting to Determine Why Harry wants Archie and Lilibet to understand their British heritage, beginning with rain, queues, school uniforms and the ancient national custom of having strangers explain your family to you Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are reportedly delighted to be back in Britain, where Prince Archie, 7, and Princess Lilibet, 5, have started the new school…
Diana Inc.: New Book and New Netflix Film
Diana Inc.: New Book, New Netflix Film, and a King Bracing for Impact Thirty years on, Princess Diana remains the family’s most reliable income stream, and nobody in Buckingham Palace can figure out how to unionise against it There is a very specific look that crosses a monarch’s face when he learns a member of his own former in-law network is publishing a memoir called Swan Song, and it is not…
Prince George Begins Eton
Prince George Begins Eton, Discovers Future King Still Has to Find His Own Locker Future Monarch Reportedly Survives Latin, School Forms, and the Shocking Discovery That “Because I’m Heir to the Throne” Is Not an Accepted Excuse for Missing Geography Prince George began life at Eton College this week and reportedly encountered an institution capable of accomplishing something centuries of Parliament, constitutional lawyers, and republican campaigners have failed to achieve: treating a…
Prince William Reportedly Fuming
Prince William Reportedly Fuming as Harry Violates Ancient Royal Rule Against Helping People Without Permission Palace moves to protect Britain’s centuries-old royal monopoly on charity after discovering former working prince continues working Reports that Prince William is “fuming” because Prince Harry appears to be behaving too much like a working royal have exposed one of Britain’s least understood constitutional principles: once you leave official royal service, you may continue being…
Prince William Offers Harry Reconciliation
Prince William Offers Harry Reconciliation, Provided He Signs the Magna Carta of Family Group Chats Public apology, legally binding silence and restrictions on imitation royal tours reportedly form the Prince of Wales’s exciting new “Brotherhood Premium” package William’s Three Conditions for Reconciliation LONDON | A report circulating on Yahoo claims Prince William has established three conditions for reconciliation with Prince Harry: a public apology from Harry and Meghan, a legally binding agreement…
The Duke of Cambridge Review: A Quiet Battersea Local Under a Royal Title
The Duke of Cambridge Review: A Quiet Battersea Local Under a Royal Title | A quaint, easy-going Battersea pub flying a royal dukedom that has passed down the centuries to the future king
Royal PDA Declared Acceptable
Royal PDA Declared Acceptable After Experts Confirm It Costs Taxpayers Absolutely Nothing Prince and Princess of Wales Discover Affection May Be Displayed Without a Subscription Deal, Six-Part Documentary or Accompanying Memoir The Prince and Princess of Wales have caused a minor constitutional disturbance after sharing a kiss and holding hands at the Royal Charity Polo Cup, prompting experts to confirm that public affection between married people remains legal, privately funded and,…
Duke of Sussex Believes Reconciliation Begins With Direct Deposit
Historians Note Medieval Princes Also Preferred Forgiveness With Monthly Payments LONDON — Royal historians, financial analysts and several men currently hiding from their ex-wives have united in admiration this week after reports emerged suggesting that Prince Harry’s latest understanding of family reconciliation begins with the same question millions of ordinary Britons ask every payday: “Has the money gone through yet?” According to unnamed palace observers — and people who communicate exclusively…
California Lifestyle Costs Slightly More Than Frogmore Cottage
LONDON, England. Prince Harry is reportedly seeking financial assistance from King Charles III, proving that no matter how many documentaries, memoirs, podcasts, interviews, Oprah sit-downs, and gently-lit candid photo opportunities a person produces, eventually every family group chat circles back to the one truly universal message: “Dad, could you help me out?” Royal historians say the British monarchy survived the Vikings, three civil wars, the abdication crisis, and Fergie’s toe situation, but nobody…
The Royals and Public Transport
The Royals Have Discovered Public Transport, And Frankly It Shows LONDON — The House of Windsor spent this week proving it can do almost anything a normal person does, provided there are nine photographers, a mayor, and a 640-year-old treaty to lean against. Royal Tours Now Require A Tram And A Truly Heroic Amount Of Gravitas The Duke and Duchess of Edinburgh kicked off their Portugal trip by riding a historic Lisbon tram,…
Royal Family Declares Christmas Walk a ‘Disaster’
Royal Family Declares Christmas Walk a ‘Disaster,’ Proving Even Absolute Privilege Can’t Survive the Holidays SANDRINGHAM, ENGLAND — In a stunning reminder that no institution, however ancient, gilded, or aggressively inherited, can survive December without emotional casualties, the British royal family has officially labeled its annual Christmas walk a “disaster.” The walk, traditionally meant to symbolize unity, continuity, and the collective denial of history, instead devolved into what palace insiders described as va…
Royal Chaos in Cheltenham
Royal Chaos in Cheltenham: When Horse Racing Becomes Diplomacy In a jaw-dropping turn of events that has left constitutional scholars baffled and small talk at garden parties in Surrey reaching seismic levels of confusion, the latest royal strategy isn’t a treaty, a trade deal, or even a decent roast at lunch. No it’s Cheltenham horse racing. Yes, that equestrian event that most of us tolerate only to make excuses about why…
King Charles Offers Harry a Royal Couch
King Charles Offers Harry a Royal Couch and a Warm Hug—But William Says Bring Your Own Tea This satirical piece responds to ongoing speculation about potential reconciliation between King Charles III and his younger son Prince Harry, following years of public tension after Harry and Meghan’s departure from royal duties, their explosive Oprah interview, Harry’s memoir Spare, and the Netflix documentary series. Recent reports suggest the King may be softening his stance, though Prince William reportedly remains…
Interview With Princess Charlotte of Wales
Interview With Princess Charlotte of Wales A delightful imaginary conversation with the young royal who says she’s happy to be herself, thank you very much Interviewer: Welcome, Charlotte! First question: there’s been chatter online about whether you care that you’re “third in line” not first in line. What do you think? Princess Charlotte: Honestly? I have plenty to do. I’m already really busy choosing my ribbon colours for the week.…