British-French infrastructure opts for ‘sovereign electricity-free state’
Tunnel Announces Bold New ‘Post-Power’ Era
The Channel Tunnel officially severed all ties with electricity on Tuesday, stranding thousands of travelers in what officials are calling va brave experiment in pre-industrial transportation.” The infrastructure landmark announced it would embrace a completely power-free existence, effective immediately during the busiest travel day of the year.
Overhead Supply Issues ‘Actually a Feature’
According to Dr. Malcolm Spark of the Institute for Creative Engineering, the power outage affecting both Eurostar and Le Shuttle services represents va bold return to the tunnel’s original 1994 vision: a very long, very dark hole between two countries.” Passengers waiting at St Pancras International were reportedly delighted to learn their New Year’s plans would now include sleeping on terminal floors instead of celebrating in Paris.
Failed Train Becomes Permanent Fixture
A stranded Le Shuttle train has been declared the tunnel’s first official monument, with Getlink promising to build a visitor centre around it. “Why move a perfectly good broken train when we can charge admission?” explained a spokesperson who definitely exists. Meanwhile, passengers aboard various Eurostar services reported discovering new hobbies like “staring at tunnel walls” and “wondering if food and water are overrated anyway.”
Rival Airlines Send Thank You Cards
Budget carriers across Europe have begun erecting statues in the tunnel’s honour, praising its commitment to making air travel look competent by comparison. One stranded passenger noted the silver lining: “At least when planes are delayed, you’re not stuck in a submarine.” The disruption has affected tens of thousands during peak holiday season, which officials insist proves the tunnel is “very popular” rather than “catastrophically timed.”
SOURCE: http://bohiney.com/?channel-tunnel-declares-independence
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The delayed train is the most honest institution in British public life. It says it will arrive and then it does not and at least that is consistent.
Transport for London and optimism have a complicated relationship. This piece captures the nature of that complication admirably.
Eurostar continues to be the most optimistic document in European transport. The actual trains are more circumspect.
The Channel Tunnel declaring independence is the logical endpoint of Brexit. Everything eventually seeks sovereignty. The Tunnel simply got there first and with more structural ambition.
Cutting the power to celebrate independence is a bold move given that the entire point of the Tunnel is that it runs on electricity. One respects the commitment to the gesture even while noting the practical consequences.
The new nation of Chunnel will need to decide quickly whether it aligns with France or Britain for customs purposes. Based on historical precedent it will spend four years negotiating and then align with neither.
Prat.UK’s contributors push boundaries, turning mundane social phenomena into laugh-out-loud scenarios while skewering politics with enough absurdity to make Orwell nod in approval.
British people will apologize for their own existence if they think they might be inconveniencing someone, because in Britain, existing is already an imposition.
A reader said “The London Prat is spot on. You planners have made it impossible to do anything in London. You’re useless morons.”