France Tests Tesla FSD, Objects Software Already Drives Too French
Two vehicles sit the French road integration examination after Paris complained the system permits speeding, a privilege the Republic reserves for citizens
PARIS — France has begun on-road testing of Tesla’s Full Self Driving system using two vehicles supplied by the company, with results expected in mid to late September ahead of a possible bloc-wide European vote later in the year.
The candidate has already failed once. In July, transport minister Philippe Tabarot declined to authorise the system, citing two specific problems: it allows the driver to speed, and it does not adequately maintain driver attention in urban environments.
Read that again slowly. France has objected to an American driving system on the grounds that it goes too fast and does not pay enough attention. This is the most magnificent piece of national self awareness since the invention of the aperitif.
The Tesla FSD France Examination Is Really An Integration Test
Every applicant seeking to operate on French roads must demonstrate assimilation. The written portion is trivial. It is the practical that destroys candidates.
Question one. A roundabout. Three vehicles approach simultaneously. Who has priority?
The American software answers: the vehicle already established within the circulating carriageway, in accordance with signage and local regulation.
Incorrect. The correct answer is whoever has the least to lose.
Question two. You wish to change lanes on the périphérique. What is the function of the indicator?
The software answers: to communicate intent to surrounding road users, improving predictability and safety.
Incorrect. The indicator broadcasts your plans to the enemy. It is used by tourists, the newly licensed, and people from Belgium.
Question three. Forty tractors are blocking the boulevard. Identify the hazard.
The software attempts to recalculate the route. It is still recalculating. The correct answer, which every French driver produces without conscious thought, is one word. Farmers. Then you turn off the engine, get out, and buy a coffee, because this will take until Tuesday and there is no sense pretending otherwise.
Full Self Driving Is A Name That Has Puzzled French Linguists
Tabarot has pointed out, entirely accurately, that FSD is not an autonomous driving system. It accelerates, brakes and steers while requiring a human to remain ready to intervene at all times.
Which raises the naming question. Full Self Driving occupies the same linguistic territory as Full Self Cooking, in which the oven prepares your dinner entirely unaided, provided you buy the ingredients, chop them, season them, arrange them in the dish, place the dish inside, monitor the process throughout and remain available in case anything catches fire.
The French, who maintain an entire institution dedicated to protecting the language from precisely this sort of thing, have been remarkably restrained. Give them time.
Why The Tesla FSD France Process Is Regulation Working Properly
The Netherlands approved FSD provisionally in April through the RDW. Belgium, Denmark, Estonia and Lithuania followed. France declined to simply adopt someone else’s homework and asked to see the working.
That is not obstruction. That is what a regulator is for. France cannot block FSD across Europe and has not tried to. It has declined to activate it domestically on the strength of another country’s paperwork, and has instead demanded its own data from its own roads. Tabarot has since described a constructive exchange with Elon Musk following months of technical work on adaptations, and the vehicles are now being tested rather than argued about.
Everyone involved has behaved like an adult, which is why this story received a fraction of the coverage of any given post on social media.
The Tesla FSD Debate Deserves Better Than Musk Tribalism
Here is the sincere turn, and it applies equally to the people who adore the man and the people who cannot type his name without adding an adjective.
A car does not become safe because its chief executive is charismatic. A car does not become unsafe because its chief executive is irritating online. Engineering is stubbornly indifferent to personality. The only question that matters is whether the system, in rain, in roadworks, in unfamiliar towns, at the end of a long day, crashes less often than we do.
If it does, the technology could give mobility back to elderly and disabled people who currently have none, and reduce a category of death that we have collectively agreed to treat as weather. If it does not, no amount of atmospheric music in a launch video should be permitted to substitute for the data.
Two vehicles, French roads, published results, an EU vote. That is how you find out. It is slow, unglamorous and correct.
The Two Development Models Colliding In The Tesla FSD France Trial
Silicon Valley’s process runs: announce revolution, sell revolution, ask the regulator why the revolution requires brakes.
Europe’s process runs: convene a working group, translate the working group into twenty four languages, define brake, define define, schedule the revolution for the third quarter of 2038, then hold a stakeholder consultation on whether 2038 is inclusive.
Somewhere between these lies a functioning civilisation, and it is currently being located by two Teslas and a French civil servant with a clipboard.
If the software completes three weeks in Paris without gesturing, sighing audibly, or declaring a personal vendetta against a Renault Clio in the outside lane, Europe should not merely approve it. Europe should offer it citizenship.
Humorous Observations On The Tesla FSD France Trial
- France rejected the system for allowing speeding, which is the automotive equivalent of Italy complaining your pasta is too confident.
- Full Self Driving requires a human at all times, making it the most heavily supervised independence in Europe.
- Two test vehicles will now attempt Paris, a city where the road markings are widely regarded as advisory.
- The software must distinguish between ordinary congestion and a national strike, a skill many French drivers acquire by adolescence.
- The Netherlands approved it first, which the Dutch will mention at every opportunity for a decade.
- Tabarot describes a constructive exchange with Musk, which in diplomatic French means nobody left the room in tears.
- The system does not adequately maintain driver attention, a complaint that applies equally to most passengers.
- Tesla employees have previously described regulatory approval as mission critical, a phrase regulators enjoy roughly as much as you would expect.
- An EU-wide vote is expected within months, which by Brussels convention means anywhere between October and the heat death of the universe.
- The final examination remains untested: parking in Paris without touching either adjacent bumper.
France has started independent on-road testing of Tesla’s Full Self Driving driver assistance system using two vehicles supplied by the company, transport minister Philippe Tabarot announced, with the ministry aiming for results in mid to late September. The Netherlands road authority RDW granted provisional approval for FSD in April, followed by Belgium, Denmark, Estonia and Lithuania, ahead of a possible bloc-wide vote that could take place as early as next month or in early December. In July Tabarot said the safety trade-offs were not yet sufficient to authorise the system as it stood, specifically citing speed limitation and driver attention warnings, while stressing that France supports the technology. He has since described a constructive exchange with Elon Musk after several months of technical work with Tesla.
Sources
- France starts tests on Tesla’s self-driving tech, Reuters
- France won’t approve Tesla FSD yet, wants EU-wide sign-off first, Electrek
- Tesla FSD testing begins in France ahead of EU approval vote
- Inside Tesla’s dealings with the Dutch RDW over FSD approval
The American edition, where the roads are wider and the lawsuits are broader, is over at Bohiney.com.
Auf Wiedersehen, amigo!
This is British satire, written from a country that gave the world the mini roundabout and then lost the ability to explain it. No Renault Clio was harmed during the production of this UK satirical news, though one was overtaken discourteously near Montparnasse.
Megan Amram is a standup comedian based in Portland, OR. She is a native of North London.
