Tag: growth

Business Current Absurdities

Treasury Celebrates 0.1% Growth

Vivienne Pratfall

Treasury Celebrates 0.1% Growth, Economists Upgrade National Mood From “Sigh” to “Mild Shrug” Nation’s Mood Officially Reclassified, Champagne Remains Unopened The Treasury has confirmed that the UK economy grew by 0.1% last quarter, a figure officials are describing, without a trace of irony, as “significant momentum,” while independent economists have responded by formally upgrading the national mood from its previous setting of “sigh” to the considerably more optimistic “mild shrug.”…

Culture Business Current Absurdities

New Economic Strategy

Emily Cartwright

Government Announces New Economic Strategy: Rename Every Problem “Growth” Until Investors Relax Treasury Unveils Bold New Vocabulary Instead of Bold New Policy In what insiders are calling the most significant rebrand since Marathon became Snickers, the Treasury has confirmed that, going forward, every economic indicator — good, bad, or catastrophically flat — will simply be referred to as “growth,” in the hope that investors, much like toddlers, can be soothed…

Business Technology

Britain Launches AI Growth Zones

Alan Nafzger

Britain Launches AI Growth Zones Where Computers Will Soon Be Smarter Than the Planning Department A Bold New Vision, Powered Almost Entirely By Vibes LONDON. Britain has unveiled ambitious new AI Growth Zones, promising to transform former industrial regions into glittering hubs of artificial intelligence, supercomputers, and enough electricity consumption to make every kettle in Yorkshire flicker in sympathy. Officials describe the plan as the future of the British economy. Engineers…