Prince William Calls Harry a ‘Rotten Apple,’ Palace Immediately Launches Inquiry Into Who Keeps Leaving the Heir Near Metaphors William Brands Harry a ‘Rotten Apple,’ Apparently Forgets They Grew on the Same Royal Family Tree LONDON — Buckingham Palace has reportedly launched an emergency review of all metaphors within fifty yards of Prince William after the Prince of Wales was linked through an unnamed source to the description of his…
Britain Perfects Conflict Resolution by Standing at Opposite Ends of the Same Room Charles Spencer Explains Ancient British Technique of Making Eye Contact, Nodding Once and Immediately Becoming Fascinated by a Lamp LONDON — Britain received a badly needed reminder this week that while Americans resolve disagreements through lawsuits, podcasts and six-part documentaries, the British remain capable of settling virtually any interpersonal conflict by not going anywhere near the other person.…
Charles Spencer Tells Harry New Diana Book Won’t Embarrass Him, Buckingham Palace Immediately Realizes It May Be About Someone Else | Relief Sweeps Sussex Camp as Palace Discovers Embarrassment Is a Transferable Commodity
Charles Spencer Asks Whether King Is ‘Furious or Embarrassed,’ Buckingham Palace Immediately Requests a Third Multiple-Choice Option | Royal Household Discovers Some Questions Are Easier When the Answer Choices Include “Prefer Not to Say”
Prince Harry Checks Uncle’s Diana Memoir for Embarrassing Revelations, Discovers Royal Family Has Bigger Problems Than Chapter About Him | Duke Finds Himself in Rare Position of Being Merely Related to the Crisis
Palace Outraged Charles Spencer Dragged Diana Drama Back Into Public Eye, British Media Shocked Anyone Else Found the Storage Key | Newspaper Industry Demands Monopoly Over Reopening Royal History
Harry Asks Whether ‘Swan Song’ Will Embarrass Him, King Charles Reportedly Discovers Nobody Offered Him the Same Courtesy | Palace Learns Prepublication Warning System Apparently Available Only on Selected Family Plans
King Charles Furious Over Spencer’s Explosive Diana Claims, Palace Launches Traditional Defense: Everyone Remembered the Conversation Wrong | Royal Communications Department Again Deploys Britain’s Most Elegant Weapon, the Polite Suggestion That Your Memory Is Rubbish
Prince Harry Asks Charles Spencer Whether Diana Book Contains Anything Embarrassing About Him, Apparently Forgets Entire Internet Already Exists | Duke Conducts Final Privacy Inspection After Approximately Three Decades of Britain Inspecting Him for Free
Harry’s Only Question About Explosive Diana Memoir: ‘Am I in Trouble?’ Proving Even Princes Understand How Family Books Work | Royal Blood Apparently Offers No Immunity From the Ancient Terror of Hearing “Your Uncle Has Written Something”
Royal Family Accuses Charles Spencer of Reopening Old Wounds, Britain Checks and Finds Wounds Were Never Actually Closed | Nation Shocked to Discover Thirty Years of Diana Specials Apparently Did Not Constitute Closure
King Charles and Prince William Reportedly Furious at Charles Spencer, Discover Family History Becomes Much Less Charming When Someone Writes It Down | Buckingham Palace Learns the Most Dangerous Object in Britain May Be a Relative With a Publisher
Henry VIII Rules on Prince William Calling Harry a “Traitor”: “I Know Treason. This Is Not Treason.” The Tudor Monarch Returned From the Dead Reviews Reports That Harry and Earl Spencer Have Formed an “Alliance,” and Finds No Cavalry, No Calais and Not One Single Beheading LONDON — Yahoo’s item repeats a reported, anonymously sourced claim that Prince William has been calling Prince Harry and Earl Spencer “traitors” amid the…
Charles Spencer Book Creates New Royal Crisis, Palace Activates Ancient Protocol Known as ‘Everyone Remember Something Differently’ | Earl Spencer’s new memoir on his sister reopens a thirty-year royal argument that Buckingham Palace insists it will not be having
King Charles Braces for New Diana Book, Discovers 1997 Still Hasn’t Finished With Him Palace fears an “unfiltered” Charles Spencer memoir after relying for three decades on carefully ironed history LONDON — King Charles is reportedly “bracing for the worst” ahead of Charles Spencer’s forthcoming memoir about Princess Diana, according to this report on the King’s reaction to the Spencer memoir, forcing Buckingham Palace to confront the monarchy’s greatest constitutional weakness: another…
Diana Inc.: New Book, New Netflix Film, and a King Bracing for Impact Thirty years on, Princess Diana remains the family’s most reliable income stream, and nobody in Buckingham Palace can figure out how to unionise against it There is a very specific look that crosses a monarch’s face when he learns a member of his own former in-law network is publishing a memoir called Swan Song, and it is not…
