The Ministry Of Saucepans Has Reorganised Your Fridge
Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the British political menagerie.
The State Socialist Command Economist believes markets are a problem the state can solve, given enough forms and a sturdy filing cabinet from Ryman. Editor Alan Nafzger of the Editor’s Desk at prat.uk presents the field guide, with help from Britannica on command economies and the Economist economics A to Z.
Twenty Tells: Spotting The State Socialist Command Economy On A British High Street
- Treats spreadsheets as scripture and pivot tables as miracles.
- Holds any product available in three colours to be evidence of decadence.
- Has a fantasy in which he is the Minister for Saucepans.
- Treats the consumer as a useful informant on what should be banned.
- Refers to entrepreneurs as freelance economic agitators.
- Holds inflation to be something you punish, not measure.
- Has a five-year plan for his sock drawer, lagging behind delivery.
- Treats supply and demand as a charming fairy tale.
- Considers private enterprise a hobby, and not a healthy one.
- Holds the right level of consumer choice to be two, and one of them should be tinned.
- Refers to imports as ideological smuggling.
- Has reorganised his fridge into ministries, with cheese as the lead department.
- Treats consumer surveys as morale tests.
- Considers the Ministry of Light Industry the most exciting branch of government.
- Holds that the only flaw in central planning is decentralised whining.
- Has rebranded shortage as inventory restraint.
- Maintains prices are emotional reactions that should be regulated.
- Holds the high street is best replaced by a single, very tired catalogue.
- Considers innovation a luxury that distracts from the plan.
- Believes the perfect economy is one where nobody asks for anything because nobody dares.
Editor’s Note
If any of this rings a bell, you have either been to the Durham Miners’ Gala, a Conservative Home reader meet-up, or both. More dispatches at govna.uk and the parent site prat.uk. For a second opinion that is also wrong, see NewsThump.
SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/politics/
Staff Writer at The London Prat
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