Category: Royals

Business Culture Entertainment Royals

California Lifestyle Costs Slightly More Than Frogmore Cottage

Aishwarya Rao

LONDON, England. Prince Harry is reportedly seeking financial assistance from King Charles III, proving that no matter how many documentaries, memoirs, podcasts, interviews, Oprah sit-downs, and gently-lit candid photo opportunities a person produces, eventually every family group chat circles back to the one truly universal message: “Dad, could you help me out?” Royal historians say the British monarchy survived the Vikings, three civil wars, the abdication crisis, and Fergie’s toe situation, but nobody…

Current Absurdities Royals

Prince William’s Secret Life

Judi Online

15 Observations About Prince William’s Secret Life LONDON — Royal Correspondent, The London Prat Britain has spent centuries constructing an elaborate mythology around its monarchy — divine right, sacred bloodlines, ermine-trimmed robes and the general impression that royal personages exist on a higher spiritual plane, untouched by Tesco receipts or Sunday morning hangovers. It turns out Prince William, future King of England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and several bewildered islands,…

Culture Governance News Royals Social

Meghan Markle & Royal Life

Siobhan O’Donnell

Meghan Markle Royal Life: Palace Nearly Issued a PowerPoint Experts Confirm Curtsying to the Queen Does Not Require the Buddy System LONDON — Royal insiders are reportedly revealing that Meghan Markle frequently appeared bewildered during her early days in the monarchy, leading exhausted palace aides to consider issuing laminated cue cards, illustrated flowcharts, and what one footman described as “a beginner’s guide to several centuries of British awkwardness.” According to reports, staff…

Culture News Royals Tourism

International Curtsy Crisis

Caitlin Moran

Buckingham Palace Braces For International Curtsy Crisis As California, Canada And The Crown Dispute Custody Of One Five-Year-Old Officials Fear Princess Lilibet May Trigger First Transatlantic Etiquette Emergency Since An American Tourist Asked For Ketchup With His Yorkshire Pudding LONDON — Whitehall sources are reportedly drawing up contingency papers for what insiders describe as the most perilous curtsy-based standoff since Sarah Ferguson nearly toppled the Queen Mother at a garden party. The…

Royals

Prince William Turns 44 on Father’s Day

Judi Online

🇬🇧 LONDON, England — Prince William Turns 44 on Father’s Day, Causing Britain to Experience an Emotion It Cannot Immediately Complain About Prince William committed what royal historians are calling an act of calendrical aggression Sunday when he turned 44 years old on the precise same morning that Britain was already obliged to celebrate fatherhood, leaving the nation temporarily unable to be furious about anything and visibly struggling with the situation.…

Culture Current Absurdities Education Royals

Prince William Sending Prince George To Eton

Morag Sinclair

Prince William Heroically Breaks Strict Royal Rule By Sending Prince George To The Exact Same School As Every Other Royal Palace Celebrates Bold Educational Innovation Known As “Doing What We Were Always Going To Do Anyway” LONDON — In what royal commentators are describing as a breathtaking act of parental rebellion, Prince William is reportedly preparing to break a strict family rule by sending Prince George to the legendary Eton…

Education News Royals Social

Britain Already Has A Constitution

Astrid Holgersson

Future Monarch Shocked To Discover Britain Already Has A Constitution And It Is Mostly School Rules Eton Prefects Confirm Authority Derived From Ancient Tradition, Confusingly Similar To The Entire British Government ETON, ENGLAND — Prince George reportedly experienced his first genuine constitutional crisis this week after learning that Britain’s uncodified constitution consists largely of ancient customs, unwritten understandings, confusing titles, and people obeying rules because someone important started doing so in approximately…

Culture Royals Social

Royal Drama Has Returned To Traditional Format

Caitlin Moran

Britain Relieved To Discover Royal Drama Has Returned To Traditional Format Of Passive Aggression And Fancy Hats LONDON. Well. That’s a relief. After years of streaming contracts, transatlantic sulking and the occasional six-part documentary about somebody’s feelings, the country can finally unclench. The royal feud has gone back to how it’s meant to be done. A tight smile across a marquee. A hat you could land a small aircraft on.…

America Business Culture Current Absurdities Royals Social

Prince Harry Plans UK Return

Dr. Ingrid Gustafsson, Ph.D.

Prince Harry Plans UK Return, Immediately Applies For Witness Protection From His Own Relatives LONDON — The Duke of Sussex is expected back on British soil next month, and royal sources confirm he has begun making the customary arrangements: hotel, transport, and a sophisticated relocation programme designed to keep him at a safe distance from a brother who reportedly does not have his phone number and would not use it if…

Culture News Royals Sports

Peter Phillips: Expensive Handshakes

Alan Nafzger

Princess Anne Proudly Confirms Son Finally Found Stable Career In Competitive Field Of Expensive Handshakes “Peter always had a gift for smiling at wealthy strangers,” says relieved mother. LONDON After decades of uncertainty over what exactly the eldest grandchild of the late Queen Elizabeth II did for a living, Princess Anne has reportedly expressed immense pride that her son, Peter Phillips, has established himself in the thriving and recession-proof industry of expensive handshakes. “It’s a…

Culture News Royals Sports

God Save The King From Himself

AMW

Buckingham Palace Introduces New Motto: “God Save The King From Himself” LONDON ● THE LONDON PRAT — Buckingham Palace has reportedly unveiled an updated royal motto for the twenty-first century: “God Save The King From Himself.” The change follows growing concerns that Prince William, heir to the throne and father of three, continues to indulge in the dangerous hobby of riding motorcycles despite being one of the most recognisable faces on the planet — a planet…

Culture Royals

Charles Leaves Camilla Royal Inheritance

Harriet Collins

Charles Leaves Camilla the Ultimate Royal Inheritance: A Kingdom Full of People With Strong Opinions and No Actual Authority Palace sources confirm the King’s final gift includes several castles, three ceremonial spoons, and full responsibility for Britain’s national mood swings LONDON — Buckingham Palace officials have reportedly revealed details surrounding King Charles’ final gift to Queen Camilla, a gesture royal insiders describe as “deeply personal, historically significant, and possibly the…

Culture Royals Tourism

The Royals and Public Transport

Mei Lin Chen

The Royals Have Discovered Public Transport, And Frankly It Shows LONDON — The House of Windsor spent this week proving it can do almost anything a normal person does, provided there are nine photographers, a mayor, and a 640-year-old treaty to lean against. Royal Tours Now Require A Tram And A Truly Heroic Amount Of Gravitas The Duke and Duchess of Edinburgh kicked off their Portugal trip by riding a historic Lisbon tram,…

Culture History Royals Social

Royal Celtic Society

Caitlin Moran

Royal Celtic Society at 200: Scotland Proves Heritage Works Best in Fancy Dress By Caitlin Moran, UK Today LONDON. Right, confession. I had never heard of the Royal Celtic Society until last Tuesday, and now I cannot stop thinking about it, because the Royal Celtic Society is the single most Scottish thing that has ever existed, and I mean that as the highest possible compliment and also, simultaneously, as an absolute…

Culture International Royals

Harry and Meghan Launch “Fake” Royal Tour

Cyndi Himmelstiere

Harry and Meghan Launch “Royal Tour (Meta Universe Edition)” — Australia Braces for Impact The couple who quit the monarchy are back to do monarchy things, non-officially, with better lighting Somewhere in California, a travel agent is staring at the most baffling itinerary in modern diplomatic history: a royal tour, conducted by people who are no longer technically royal representatives. Welcome to Celebrity Royal Adjacent Travel — the Sussex brand’s…

Culture Current Absurdities International Royals

Her Late Majesty urged Prince Harry to “wait a year” before marrying Meghan Markle

Alan Nafzger

The Royal Family Discovers That “Wait a Year” Is the Least Followed Advice Since “Eat Your Greens” QE2 urged Prince Harry to “wait a year” before marrying Meghan Markle There is something uniquely enchanting about royal advice. It drifts gracefully through gilded corridors, settles warmly upon a prince’s ear… and is instantly discarded like a letter from HMRC marked “urgent.” According to a new biography of Queen Elizabeth II by royal…

Culture News Royals

Beatrice and Eugenie’s Loyalty Performance Review

Violet Woolf

Beatrice and Eugenie’s Royal Loyalty Performance Review How to Love Your Dad While the Socialists in the UK Demands You Don’t! On February 19, 2026 — his 66th birthday, because the universe has a flair for dramatic irony — Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, formerly known as Prince Andrew, was arrested by Thames Valley Police on suspicion of misconduct in public office. The arrest followed the DOJ’s release of Epstein files which appeared to show Andrew forwarding…

Royals Social

Princess Diana’s Greatest Escape

Charlotte Whitmore

Princess Diana’s Greatest Escape Was Not the Palace — It Was the Dress Code LONDON — Royal historians have spent years analyzing Princess Diana’s life, her humanitarian legacy, and her complicated relationship with the monarchy. But new cultural scholarship suggests her most daring escape was neither emotional nor geographical. It was sartorial. Specifically, it was the night she slipped past the strictest dress code in Britain: the invisible but ironclad…

Culture Royals

Meghan Markle’s Valentine’s Strawberry Spread

Camden Rose

Meghan Markle’s Valentine’s Strawberry Spread: When Royal Titles Meet Retail Therapy The Duchess of Sussex Discovers the Profitable Path Between Netflix and Jam Jars In a move that surprised absolutely no one familiar with celebrity branding strategies, Meghan Markle has launched her latest business venture: artisanal strawberry spread through her brand As Ever. Because when streaming success proves elusive, apparently the logical next step is preserves. The Valentine’s Day rollout of…

Business Culture Royals

114th Livery Company: Human Resources

Aishwarya Rao

The City Welcomes The Worshipful Company of HR Livery Company: Patron Saint of Passive Aggression London has added its 114th Livery Company, representing Human Resources, a profession historically known for saying “we’re like family here” moments before escorting you out of the building with a cardboard box. The medieval guild system, once dedicated to swords and bread, now embraces performance improvement plans. Progress. It’s worth noting that PIPs (Performance Improvement Plans)…

America Current Absurdities Royals

UK Proud Boys Promise War With USA

Harriet Collins

London Wakes to the Sound of Keyboard Sabres At precisely 6:47 a.m. London time, while the city was still negotiating with its alarm clocks and reheating tea it had forgotten about, a press release landed in inboxes across the English-speaking world. The subject line read: “OVER OUR DEAD BODIES: PROUDBOYS.UK DRAW RED LINE AT PRINCE ANDREW.” The document was three pages long, written entirely in capital letters except for the…

America Culture News Royals

Meghan Markle Thought She Should Be The Next Queen

Fiona MacLeod

Meghan Markle ‘Thought She Should Be The Next Queen’ Over Kate Middleton And ‘Hated That She And Harry Were So Far Down’ The Line Of Succession Insiders Say Meghan “Misunderstood the Assignment” — Believed the Monarchy Was Merit-Based, Performance-Reviewed, and Available on LinkedIn LONDON — In what palace aides are delicately calling “an enthusiastic misunderstanding of medieval governance,” sources close to Meghan Markle say the Duchess once believed the British…

Culture News Royals

In Defense of Prince Andrew

Alan Nafzger

In Defense of Prince Andrew: The Man Everyone Has Already Convicted Without a Jury, a Judge, or Apparently a Functioning Memory By “An Observer of Unfashionable Opinions and Royal Weather Patterns” There is something deeply comforting about a national villain. It simplifies things beautifully. You take a complicated human being, sand down every inconvenient contradiction, buff the rough edges into something shiny and damning, and present him to the public…

Culture Royals

Prince Andrew’s Royal Secrets

AMW

Prince Andrew’s Emergency Royal Secrets Menu: The Alleged Leverage List Nobody Asked For Palace insiders say Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor may possess a vault of embarrassing royal information and is rumoured to consider using it as leverage to avoid further legal jeopardy. According to Wikipedia’s exhaustively updated timeline, Andrew was arrested in February 2026 on suspicion of misconduct in public office and released under investigation — which, in palace language, translates roughly…

Entertainment Royals

Meghan Markle’s Rate Card

Alan Nafzger

Leaked: Meghan Markle’s Official Celebrity Rate Card — Eye Contact Starts at £600, Spiritual Hugs Extra Sydney’s Wellness Retreat Triggers Financial Analysts, Economists, and at Least One Confused Accountant In what economists are calling “the most aggressively priced empowerment economy since Gwyneth Paltrow started selling jade eggs,” the Duchess of Sussex has reportedly headlined a luxury wellness retreat in Sydney where tickets reportedly ran between $1,900 and $2,200 — with…

Current Absurdities News Royals

Royal Family ‘Reflecting’ Again

Margaret Colley

Royal Family ‘Reflecting’ Again, Nation Confirms Reflection Now Primary Output Palace Sources Say “Deep Thought Continues,” Public Unsure What Conclusions, If Any, Are Being Reached LONDON — Buckingham Palace has confirmed that members of the Royal Family are once again “reflecting,” a development widely interpreted as both significant and entirely non-specific, prompting experts to declare reflection the monarchy’s most reliable form of productivity. The update, which follows a familiar pattern…

Royals Social

Diana’s Gay Bar Visit

Charlotte Whitmore

Historians Confirm Diana’s Gay Bar Visit Was the Only Time Britain’s Class System Didn’t Work LONDON — A panel of cultural historians has concluded that Princess Diana’s undercover visit to a London gay nightclub may represent the only documented moment in modern British history when the class system simply gave up and went home. The venue was the Royal Vauxhall Tavern. The disguise was sunglasses, a leather cap, and a…

Culture News Royals

Queen Elizabeth’s Greatest Regret

Margaret Colley

Queen Elizabeth’s Greatest Regret: Accidentally Inventing Season One of Keeping Up with the Windsors Palace Sources Confirm Monarchy Was Fine Until Someone Said, “Let’s Add Cameras” LONDON — In what historians are now calling “the moment the crown met the camera and immediately needed a publicist,” newly discussed archival notes suggest Queen Elizabeth II spent her later years reflecting on a single, deceptively small decision: allowing cameras into Buckingham Palace.…