The Saint Review: The Contemporary Churchyard Bar of Bow Lane | A stylish, popular contemporary bar on Bow Lane in the City of London, with a lovely terrace in the churchyard of St Mary-le-Bow, good cocktails and a warm welcome
The Vagabond Wines Review: The Self-Pour Wine Bar in a Former City Bank | A superb, hugely popular self-pour wine bar and restaurant set across two floors of a former bank on Gracechurch Street in the City of London, with over a hundred wines by the glass and a warm welcome
The Madison Review: The Rooftop Bar With Iconic St Paul’s Views | A magnificent, hugely popular rooftop bar and restaurant atop One New Change in the City of London, with iconic, close-up views of St Paul’s dome, good cocktails and a warm welcome
The North End Tavern Review: The Welcoming Community Local of Worcester Park | A welcoming community pub on Cheam Common Road in Worcester Park, a proper local with good beer, good food and a genuine welcome, doing the neighbourhood-pub things well
British Steel Nationalised After Government Discovers Gravity Also Works Better When It’s State-Owned Ministers Confirm: If It Falls Down, It’s Now Officially Ours In a move hailed by absolutely nobody as “necessary” and by everybody else as “Tuesday,” the government has formally nationalised British Steel, insisting that the laws of physics — much like the trains, the mail, and everyone’s collective will to live — function considerably better once the…
Bedford Review: The Comedy Room Above a Pub Is Where Everybody Learns | Eighteen hundred people, and an enormous number of famous comedians died on a stage in a room like this
Green Goose Review: The Goose Fair Was a Riot and They Suppressed It | A Bow fair with a green goose, a reputation, and the authorities put it down like all the others
Christopher Marlowe Reportedly Still Ghostwriting From Undisclosed Location, Local Historian Insists Dead men tell no tales, except apparently thirty-seven plays and 154 sonnets. That’s the working theory circulating once again in academic circles this week, as devotees of the Marlovian authorship theory renew their case that Christopher Marlowe did not die in a Deptford tavern brawl in 1593, but instead entered what modern audiences would recognise as the Elizabethan equivalent of…
Riverside Studios: Comedy’s Television Church | Hammersmith’s rebuilt studios stage live comedy in the kitchen where broadcast laughter’s recipes were invented
Slugs March on Westminster After Government Threatens Further Cuts to Municipal Lettuce LONDON — Thousands of angry slugs have begun what organisers describe as a “rapid advance” on Westminster, demanding an immediate end to austerity, the restoration of council flowerbeds and a legally enforceable minimum moisture allowance. The demonstration began shortly after dawn in a compost heap outside Croydon and is expected to reach Parliament sometime during the reign of…
AI Hailed a “Brain Exoskeleton” After Students Forget How to Panic in Exams LONDON — For generations, British education ran on a reliable formula: revise until 3am, forget your own name in the exam hall, then remember everything again roughly four minutes after you’ve handed in the paper. Artificial intelligence has now streamlined this process wonderfully by letting students skip straight to the forgetting bit. A growing number of education experts have…
Royal Reunion: Archie and Lilibet Harder to Schedule Than a G7 Summit LONDON — Buckingham Palace has reportedly begun planning what experts describe as the most logistically gruelling family visit since medieval kings attempted Thanksgiving with the French. Palace officials say a possible meeting between King Charles III and his California-based grandchildren, Archie and Lilibet, now requires enough planning documents to qualify as a new wing of the British Library,…
Amersham Comedy Club Review: The Furthest Commuter Reach | Buckinghamshire’s dependable room proves genuine distance from town needn’t mean distance from quality
Oxford Street Confirms Every Bag Now Contains A Smaller Folded Bag | Shoppers regularly carry nested Primark bags without apparent awareness of the pattern
Ringside Review: The Boxing Ring Is a Square | It was a circle drawn on the ground, then a roped square, and the word did not change
Princess Kate Reportedly Fears Boarding School Will Expose Prince George To Ordinary Teenagers Royal Family Braces For Tragic Loss Of Child Who Will Now Live A Devastating Fifteen Minutes Away At Eton WINDSOR, England — Britain entered a period of national reflection this week after reports emerged that Catherine, Princess of Wales, is experiencing understandable parental anxiety over Prince George’s impending departure to Eton College, a boarding school located approximately one emergency helicopter…
Wandering Duck Brings City Of London To Standstill After Refusing To Declare Financial Interests Lost Bird Becomes Square Mile’s Most Trusted Economic Adviser After Displaying No Qualifications Whatsoever By Alan Nafzger & Harriet Puddlewick LONDON, England — A wandering duck brought the City of London to a cautious halt Tuesday after entering the Square Mile without an appointment, a security badge, or any visible intention of refinancing a Scandinavian telecommunications…
Whitehall Defends Overseas Research Programme By Asking, “Would You Prefer The Germs Remain Unsupervised?” LONDON — British officials found themselves in the unusual position this week of commenting on revelations from the United States that dozens of overseas biolaboratories had received American support, prompting Whitehall to reassure the public that, whatever Britain may or may not be doing, it is undoubtedly being managed through a committee that meets on alternate Thursdays…
Plonker Meaning: British Slang Explained | What plonker means, where it came from, and why Del Boy made it immortal
Tents, Trauma, and $837,000 Toilets: A Survivor’s Guide to Homelessness in LA How the City of Angels became the city of “just step around them” Southside LOS ANGELES — According to a landmark study by the Institute for Advanced Sidewalk Studies — a think tank that absolutely exists and receives generous public funding — the city of Los Angeles has pioneered a bold new urban planning philosophy called Organic Human…
Tourist Discovers Cheapest Football Shirt In London Is The One He Doesn’t Buy LONDON — Travel writers often describe London as a city full of discoveries. Visitors uncover hidden pubs, fascinating museums, historic streets, and weather that manages all four seasons before lunch. One tourist recently made a different discovery. The cheapest football shirt in London is often the one left hanging on the rack. The revelation arrived after a…
Musgrave Museum Wins £40,000 Grant to Find Out Why Nobody Visits the Musgrave Museum By Charlotte Whitmore, UK Today LONDON. The Musgrave Museum, a regional institution chiefly famous for being shut when you arrive and “closed for refurbishment” when you return, has been handed a substantial grant to discover why so few members of the public ever walk through its doors. The leading theory, advanced by several people who walked straight…
Rain Dogs Review: A Rain Dog Cannot Find Its Way Home | The rain washes away the scent trail, and the dog is lost in a city it knows, and that is the whole idea
JW3 Finchley Road: Comedy With Genuine Shared Ground | North West London’s Jewish cultural centre stages comedy where cultural context deepens rather than narrows
Borough Market Confirms Sample Tables Function As Informal Democracy | Free tasting stalls draw browsers whose only stated intention is a proper lunch
Queen’s Head Review: The Fourth One, and She Is Still Anonymous | Nobody knows which queen is on the sign, and after six hundred articles we have stopped expecting to
Angel Comedy At The Camden Head: The Fairest Deal | Free comedy every single night, funded by the most honest bucket in Britain, reports a grateful graduate
Phoenix Artist Club: Comedy At The Industry’s Table | The West End’s theatrical basement examines acts with total expertise and pays out in connoisseur laughter
Piccadilly Circus Confirms No Londoner Has Ever Met Anyone There | Junction remains exclusively a tourist meeting point despite central location
Dickens Museum Confirms Gift Shop Obliges Every ‘Please Sir, More’ Request | Doughty Street house museum leans into the author’s most famous quoted line
