Charles Spencer Tells Harry New Diana Book Won’t Embarrass Him, Buckingham Palace Immediately Realizes It May Be About Someone Else | Relief Sweeps Sussex Camp as Palace Discovers Embarrassment Is a Transferable Commodity
Prince Harry Asks Charles Spencer Whether Diana Book Contains Anything Embarrassing About Him, Apparently Forgets Entire Internet Already Exists | Duke Conducts Final Privacy Inspection After Approximately Three Decades of Britain Inspecting Him for Free
Henry VIII Rules on Prince William Calling Harry a “Traitor”: “I Know Treason. This Is Not Treason.” The Tudor Monarch Returned From the Dead Reviews Reports That Harry and Earl Spencer Have Formed an “Alliance,” and Finds No Cavalry, No Calais and Not One Single Beheading LONDON — Yahoo’s item repeats a reported, anonymously sourced claim that Prince William has been calling Prince Harry and Earl Spencer “traitors” amid the…
King Charles Braces for New Diana Book, Discovers 1997 Still Hasn’t Finished With Him Palace fears an “unfiltered” Charles Spencer memoir after relying for three decades on carefully ironed history LONDON — King Charles is reportedly “bracing for the worst” ahead of Charles Spencer’s forthcoming memoir about Princess Diana, according to this report on the King’s reaction to the Spencer memoir, forcing Buckingham Palace to confront the monarchy’s greatest constitutional weakness: another…
Meghan Markle Shares Prince Archie’s Summer Holiday Photo, Britain Accidentally Experiences Three Consecutive News Cycles Prince Archie of Sussex Looks Amazing! Britain briefly suspended arguments over inflation, potholes and railway delays after Meghan Markle posted a carefully curated summer holiday photograph of her children during a visit to the United Kingdom. Within minutes, every royal correspondent in the country was examining shadows, fence posts and ice-cream flavours with the concentration…
Henry VIII Finally Finds a Proper London Pub Former King Declares Britain May Have Lost an Empire, Six Colonies, and the Ability to Build Railways on Time, But Thank Heaven It Never Misplaced the Local History Takes a Tea Break in a London Boozer LONDON — History took a brief tea break yesterday after Henry VIII reportedly wandered into a traditional London pub, ordered a pint without downloading an app, and…
The Royals Have Discovered Public Transport, And Frankly It Shows LONDON — The House of Windsor spent this week proving it can do almost anything a normal person does, provided there are nine photographers, a mayor, and a 640-year-old treaty to lean against. Royal Tours Now Require A Tram And A Truly Heroic Amount Of Gravitas The Duke and Duchess of Edinburgh kicked off their Portugal trip by riding a historic Lisbon tram,…
Prince Andrew’s Emergency Royal Secrets Menu: The Alleged Leverage List Nobody Asked For Palace insiders say Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor may possess a vault of embarrassing royal information and is rumoured to consider using it as leverage to avoid further legal jeopardy. According to Wikipedia’s exhaustively updated timeline, Andrew was arrested in February 2026 on suspicion of misconduct in public office and released under investigation — which, in palace language, translates roughly…
The Crown Reviewed Its Own Marriage and Gave It One Star for Ambience How Britain Dressed Up a Domestic Disaster in Silk, Broadcast It to the World, and Charged for the Souvenir Tin Six Things the Palace Would Prefer You Hadn’t Noticed Britain invented romantic love, then outsourced the actual practice to the aristocracy The wedding cost £30 million; the divorce cost considerably more in every sense Charles reportedly described…
Camilla Won. She Just Had the Patience to Wait for Everyone Else to Lose. How Britain’s Most Underestimated Woman Outlasted a Fairy Tale, a Global Icon, and the Entire British Press Without Ever Raising Her Voice Five Things History Would Like to Quietly Acknowledge Camilla never gave a single press conference and still won every round Britain spent twenty years booing the wrong person Palace sources confirm she was “load-bearing…
Prince Harry’s Charity Turns Into Game of Thrones Season Finale: Staff Exits, Betrayals, Zero Dragons 🐉 Observers say the working atmosphere at Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s Archewell Foundation now resembles the final season of Game of Thrones. Big expectations. Expensive lighting. Confused plot. Everyone quietly wondering who approved this script. Former staff describe strategic meetings that felt like medieval councils, except instead of maps and swords there were oat milk lattes…
Commander, Formerly Known As Prince A Royal Rebrand Attempts To Sail Past Reality LONDON, or at least the emotional idea of London—the one that exists somewhere between a drizzle and a sigh—has woken to news that Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, a man once addressed with trumpets, liveried staff, and furniture more valuable than a semi-detached house in Croydon, is preparing a bold new rebrand. He now wishes to re-enter society under the…
