UK Foreign Office Discovers Mugabe Plot Was Real, But Not Really Here’s our take on the news that the UK briefly considered doing to Robert Mugabe what it already did to Saddam (but then chickened out like a nervous party guest who brought dip but forgot chips) — based on reporting from newly released government files. The Great Zimbabwean Fantasy: A Brief, Uncomfortable Flirtation In a move that proves history’s most effective tool…
Iran Won’t Surrender Because “Have You Met Iran?” Francis Fukuyama Explains Why Iran Won’t Surrender: “History Hasn’t Ended There Yet” WASHINGTON — Political philosopher Francis Fukuyama, a man who once famously suggested that liberal democracy had essentially wrapped up the story of human political development, has now clarified that one small footnote remains: Iran. Speaking to a group of confused foreign policy interns at a Washington think tank breakfast buffet featuring…
Hell Confirms New Resident Khamenei Assigned to “Eternal Irony Department” Dateline: Infernal Civil Service Headquarters, Lower Circle — Eternal Realm Hell’s Department of Eternal Administration confirmed late Tuesday that its newest high-profile arrival has officially been assigned to the facility’s notoriously demanding Eternal Irony Department, a bureaucratic division responsible for processing the long-term consequences of decisions made by earthly leaders who spent decades insisting they were unquestionably correct. According to…
Prophet Muhammad Personally Welcomes Ayatollah Khamenei to Hell’s Grand Tour BREAKING: Exclusive Report from the Afterlife Dateline: The Fiery Pits, Eternal Realm — March 8, 2026 In a stunning development that has sent shockwaves through both the mortal world and the infernal underworld, sources from beyond the veil confirm that the late Supreme Leader of Iran, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, along with his daughter, grandson, and other family members, have been personally…
Leaked War Plans Reveal U.S. Strategy: “Confuse the IRGC With a WWII Museum Exhibit” WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what defense officials are describing as “the most historically immersive military deception since Hollywood convinced people Matthew McConaughey could pilot a spaceship,” leaked planning documents suggest the United States is preparing a daring strategy to deal with the widely dispersed units of Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC). The solution, according to the…
EXCLUSIVE: Hell Confirms Khamenei Has Arrived — Ticket Number 6,666,667, Massive Queue, No VIP Lane HELL’S LOWER MANAGEMENT (Special Correspondent) — In what underworld officials are calling “the most straightforward intake we’ve had since Saddam,” Ayatollah Ali Khamenei touched down in Hell early Saturday morning, approximately forty-seven seconds after a joint US-Israeli airstrike reduced his Tehran compound to rubble and his legacy to a Wikipedia past tense. Sources close to the…
Afterlife Officials Say Hell Has Been Preparing Khamenei’s Room Since 1989 Dateline: Infernal Facilities Department, Seventh Circle — Eternal Realm Officials at Hell’s Department of Long-Term Planning confirmed Thursday that a room assigned to Ayatollah Ali Khamenei has been under quiet preparation since 1989, the year he first rose to supreme leadership in Iran. According to internal memos from the Infernal Facilities Department, the accommodation had been listed for decades…
