Global Banks Warn Windfall Tax Could Drive Them From London, Estate Agents Immediately List Canary Wharf as ‘Potential Studio’ | City Discovers Banks Enjoy Taxing Customers More Than Being Taxed
WPP Opens Giant East London Production Hub, Shoreditch Residents Fear Arrival of People With Even More Elaborate Job Titles | New Creative Facility Expected to Produce Advertising, Content and 14,000 Uses of Word ‘Authentic’
Britain Borrows £18 Billion in August, Treasury Announces Exciting New Subscription Model for Money | Chancellor Discovers Fiscal Headroom Located Directly Beneath Several Tons of Fiscal Ceiling
FTSE 100 Inches Higher, London Traders Celebrate Magnificent 0.17% Stampede | Bulls Charge Through City at Speed Normally Associated With Escalator Repairs
UK Business Growth Slows While Prices Rise, Economists Confirm Economy Has Mastered Worst of Both Worlds | Britain Proudly Unveils Revolutionary System Where Everything Costs More but Nobody Feels Richer
OECD Says Bank of England Need Not Raise Rates, Mortgage Holders Send Organisation Christmas Hamper | Economists Discover Most Popular Forecast Is One Where Monthly Payment Does Not Increase
Airtel Money Plans Huge London IPO, City Checks Pulse and Discovers It Still Has One | London Stock Exchange Spots New Listing and Immediately Calls Mum
£265 Million Chelsea Mansion Sale Shows Buying Five Extra Flats Can Be Surprisingly Economical | London Property Market Introduces Tesco Clubcard for Stamp Duty
