Tag: Google

Business News Technology

Google Unveils Machine That Turns Electricity Into Debt

Alan Nafzger

Google Unveils Machine That Turns Electricity Into Debt, Politely Declines to Mention This on the Balance Sheet Silicon Valley’s latest innovation converts natural gas, silicon chips and investor optimism into monthly repayments that will outlast the Second Elizabethan Age. MOUNTAIN VIEW, CALIFORNIA — Google has unveiled a machine so advanced it can take ordinary electricity in one end and produce investment-grade debt out the other, with no intelligence required at…

America Business Technology

EU Fines Google €890 Million

Alan Nafzger

EU Fines Google €890 Million, Then Googles What That Is In Normal Money Brussels discovers the only reliable way to regulate Google is to search Google for instructions. BRUSSELS, BELGIUM — The European Commission has fined Google €890 million for two breaches of the Digital Markets Act, then reportedly typed “€890 million in normal money” into Google Search before pasting the result straight into its own press release. The penalty breaks down into €460…

America International Technology

AI Now Lets Anyone Bomb Iran

Alan Nafzger

AI Now Lets Anyone Bomb Iran Without Leaving the Comfort of Photoshop Google Earth briefly turns geopolitical catastrophe into a creative dropdown menu, then discovers users possess imaginations MOUNTAIN VIEW, California — Google has withdrawn an AI image-generation feature from Google Earth after users demonstrated that satellite intelligence could now be manufactured by anyone with an internet connection, a dramatic imagination and no plans for the afternoon. According to the Financial Times, the…

America Business Technology

EU Fines Google €890 Million

Julie de Burgh

EU Fines Google €890 Million After Searching “How to Annoy Donald Trump” and Clicking the First Result Brussels Fines Google for Promoting Its Own Services, Immediately Promotes Brussels as Europe’s Only Approved Regulator BRUSSELS — The European Commission has fined Google €890 million under the Digital Markets Act after concluding that the technology company unfairly favoured its own search services and restricted app developers from directing customers toward cheaper purchasing options. The…

Business Current Absurdities Technology

Google Promises Public Broadcasting Will Remain Free

Dr. Ingrid Gustafsson, Ph.D.

BBC’s New Director-General From Google Promises Public Broadcasting Will Remain Free, Assuming Viewers Don’t Mind A Few Sponsored Search Results LONDON –– The corporation has reassured the public that its proud tradition of independent broadcasting will continue entirely unchanged under its incoming chief, provided the public is comfortable with the occasional documentary appearing slightly higher in the schedule because somebody paid for it to. “Tonight’s Panorama is brought to you…

Technology

Google’s Computational Slander

Judi Online

Google’s AI Overviews Accidentally Invents A New Branch Of Law: Computational Slander LONDON — Silicon Valley has spent the better part of two decades insisting that software engineers are modern-day philosophers, visionaries, and occasionally the spiritual heirs of Leonardo da Vinci. Unfortunately, a recent court ruling has introduced a less glamorous possibility: they may also need to become experts in defamation law. In what legal scholars are already calling the…

America Business Technology

Claude Is Now Writing Its Own Performance Reviews

Vivienne Pratfall

Anthropic Engineers Announce Claude Is Now Writing Its Own Performance Reviews, Which Is Either Progress or the Final Warning Shot “We Used to Ask Whether Machines Could Think. Now We’re Asking Why They Keep Booking the Meeting Room for Three Hours When It Only Needs Fifteen Minutes.” LONDON — THE LONDON PRAT In what observers describe as either “the most significant technological development in human history” or “the sort of…

News Social Technology

London’s Top 10 Google Searches

Bethan Morgan

London’s Top 10 Google Searches (Dumb Edition) 💂‍♂️🔍 When Britain’s Capital Turns to Google for Answers (and Gets More Confused) Londoners are a dignified bunch—until they start Googling. Between the snow warnings, skyrocketing energy bills, and the eternal quest for a charging cable that hasn’t mysteriously vanished into the void, the capital’s search history reads like a cry for help wrapped in British politeness. What do eight million people frantically…

Current Absurdities Political

101 Reasons Google Readers Misunderstand Satirical Journalism

Harriet Collins

101 Reasons Google Readers Should Stop Having a Moan About Satirical Journalism What Is Satirical Journalism? A Guide for Confused Google Readers Satirical journalism uses humour, irony, and exaggeration to critique politics, society, and culture. Britain has a rich tradition of satirical publications that hold power to account through comedy. Private Eye, Britain’s fortnightly satirical magazine since 1961, exposes corruption and hypocrisy with investigative satire. The Daily Mash produces daily satirical news stories…