Charles Spencer Tells Harry New Diana Book Won’t Embarrass Him, Buckingham Palace Immediately Realizes It May Be About Someone Else | Relief Sweeps Sussex Camp as Palace Discovers Embarrassment Is a Transferable Commodity
Henry VIII Rules on Prince William Calling Harry a “Traitor”: “I Know Treason. This Is Not Treason.” The Tudor Monarch Returned From the Dead Reviews Reports That Harry and Earl Spencer Have Formed an “Alliance,” and Finds No Cavalry, No Calais and Not One Single Beheading LONDON — Yahoo’s item repeats a reported, anonymously sourced claim that Prince William has been calling Prince Harry and Earl Spencer “traitors” amid the…
Charles Spencer Book Creates New Royal Crisis, Palace Activates Ancient Protocol Known as ‘Everyone Remember Something Differently’ | Earl Spencer’s new memoir on his sister reopens a thirty-year royal argument that Buckingham Palace insists it will not be having
Royal Family Announces Fresh Delivery of Bombshells, Britain Asked to Stand Back From the Crater Charles Spencer’s new Diana memoir reportedly contains enough unexploded royal history to keep Fleet Street wearing protective goggles through Christmas The British Royal Family has once again discovered that nothing says “private family matter” quite like publishing 384 pages of it internationally, in twelve languages, with a hardback spine sturdy enough to survive being thrown…
Diana’s HRH Title Restored By Buckingham Palace, Roughly One Funeral Too Late Buckingham Palace Unveils Its Boldest Bereavement Offer Yet, Delivering Diana’s HRH Title Two Decades Behind Every Reasonable Schedule LONDON — Buckingham Palace has apparently pioneered an entirely new category of customer service: the sympathy upgrade, delivered exclusively to people who can no longer benefit from it. According to a new memoir by Earl Spencer, Queen Elizabeth II offered to…
Buckingham Palace Questions Earl Spencer’s Memory, Nation Prepares for 1997 to Be Relitigated One Hardcover at a Time Britain Confirms 1997 Has Been Renewed for Another Season Britain announced this week that 1997 will continue indefinitely after Buckingham Palace challenged Earl Spencer’s recollection of events following Princess Diana’s death, ensuring the country can once again revisit one of the most exhaustively revisited years in recorded history. Earl Spencer’s new memoir, Swan…
King Charles Braces for New Diana Book, Discovers 1997 Still Hasn’t Finished With Him Palace fears an “unfiltered” Charles Spencer memoir after relying for three decades on carefully ironed history LONDON — King Charles is reportedly “bracing for the worst” ahead of Charles Spencer’s forthcoming memoir about Princess Diana, according to this report on the King’s reaction to the Spencer memoir, forcing Buckingham Palace to confront the monarchy’s greatest constitutional weakness: another…
Diana Inc.: New Book, New Netflix Film, and a King Bracing for Impact Thirty years on, Princess Diana remains the family’s most reliable income stream, and nobody in Buckingham Palace can figure out how to unionise against it There is a very specific look that crosses a monarch’s face when he learns a member of his own former in-law network is publishing a memoir called Swan Song, and it is not…
Prince William Reportedly Fuming as Harry Violates Ancient Royal Rule Against Helping People Without Permission Palace moves to protect Britain’s centuries-old royal monopoly on charity after discovering former working prince continues working Reports that Prince William is “fuming” because Prince Harry appears to be behaving too much like a working royal have exposed one of Britain’s least understood constitutional principles: once you leave official royal service, you may continue being…
Harry and Meghan Reportedly Planning Secret Divorce, Immediately Hire Netflix Crew to Keep It Confidential Confidential separation to be filmed before a live studio audience prohibited from discussing it until the trailer drops LONDON, ENGLAND — Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are reportedly considering a “secret divorce,” according to an unnamed source whose remarkable commitment to privacy required speaking to a celebrity magazine and ensuring the claim was distributed throughout…
Sarah Ferguson Eyes “Most Incredible Comeback Yet,” Frank Sinatra’s Estate Demands Royalty Payments Former duchess reportedly considers returning to Britain, repairing relations with King Charles and telling “her side” after discovering public silence cannot be monetised LONDON, ENGLAND — Sarah Ferguson is reportedly considering what one royal commentator has called her “most incredible” comeback yet, potentially involving a return to Britain, an attempt to rebuild relations with King Charles and…
Sarah Ferguson Eyes “Most Incredible Comeback Yet,” Frank Sinatra’s Estate Demands Royalty Payments Former duchess reportedly considers returning to Britain, reconciling with King Charles and telling “her side” after discovering public silence cannot be monetised LONDON, ENGLAND — Sarah Ferguson is reportedly considering a return to Britain, a reconciliation with King Charles, a new business venture and a documentary explaining her side of recent controversies, prompting Frank Sinatra’s estate to…
Meghan Markle Shares Prince Archie’s Summer Holiday Photo, Britain Accidentally Experiences Three Consecutive News Cycles Prince Archie of Sussex Looks Amazing! Britain briefly suspended arguments over inflation, potholes and railway delays after Meghan Markle posted a carefully curated summer holiday photograph of her children during a visit to the United Kingdom. Within minutes, every royal correspondent in the country was examining shadows, fence posts and ice-cream flavours with the concentration…
Prince Harry Reconciles With King Charles After Discovering Father Still Has a Functioning Chequebook Royal Healing Reportedly Accelerates After Lawyers Discover Compassion May Be Tax-Deductible By Emily Cartwright | LONDON Prince Harry’s long-awaited reconciliation with King Charles has entered an encouraging new phase after the Duke of Sussex reportedly remembered that his estranged father is not merely a parent, monarch and defender of the faith, but also a gentleman with…
Andy Burnham’s Northern Redistribution Plan: Ten Absurd Examples Exaggeration and irony, deployed at motorway speed, with a diversion via Rochdale. The Financial Times has argued that Greater Manchester Mayor Andy Burnham should launch a devolution “big bang.” Under Burnham’s own interpretation of northern redistribution, this apparently means shaking Britain by the ankles until everything expensive falls out of London’s pockets and lands somewhere near the M60. Burnham has spent years telling the Lords Economic Affairs…
Harry Allowed to Meet King After Agreeing Not to Turn Conversation Into Six-Part Documentary Palace officials confiscate one memoir manuscript, three lapel microphones and a producer disguised as a ceremonial footman LONDON — Prince Harry has reportedly been permitted to meet King Charles after passing an unusually thorough palace security inspection and signing a legally binding promise not to transform the private conversation into a six-part documentary, a twelve-episode podcast or a…
Buckingham Palace Adds 776th Room, Nobody Sure Why | Royal Household confirms new space discovered during routine plumbing survey
Buckingham Palace Quietly Reminds Prince Harry It Is a Palace, Not an Airbnb 🏰 “Buckingham Palace Is Not Available on Lastminute.com,” Royal Staff Explain While Pretending This Is Entirely About Scheduling LONDON. Buckingham Palace has reportedly unveiled a revolutionary new booking policy after Prince Harry’s accommodation plans became the most complicated reservation since someone tried to reserve Stonehenge for a gender reveal party. According to palace insiders and confirmed royal reporting, the…
Meghan Markle Reportedly Needs Just One Thing: A Royal Family With Selective Amnesia Experts Say Meghan’s Comeback Plan Hinges on Britain Forgetting the Last Five Years — Good Luck With That LONDON — Buckingham Palace officials are reportedly reviewing an innovative new reconciliation strategy after royal commentators suggested the only obstacle standing between Meghan Markle and a triumphant return is the British public’s inconvenient habit of remembering things. According to unnamed palace…
Historians Note Medieval Princes Also Preferred Forgiveness With Monthly Payments LONDON — Royal historians, financial analysts and several men currently hiding from their ex-wives have united in admiration this week after reports emerged suggesting that Prince Harry’s latest understanding of family reconciliation begins with the same question millions of ordinary Britons ask every payday: “Has the money gone through yet?” According to unnamed palace observers — and people who communicate exclusively…
LONDON, England. Prince Harry is reportedly seeking financial assistance from King Charles III, proving that no matter how many documentaries, memoirs, podcasts, interviews, Oprah sit-downs, and gently-lit candid photo opportunities a person produces, eventually every family group chat circles back to the one truly universal message: “Dad, could you help me out?” Royal historians say the British monarchy survived the Vikings, three civil wars, the abdication crisis, and Fergie’s toe situation, but nobody…
Buckingham Palace Family Still Arguing Over Best Bathroom | 775-room royal residence confirms internal disputes persist despite abundant options
Bag O’Nails Review: The Devil, the Satyr, and the Rites of Bacchus | A 4.2 historic pub named Bag O’Nails, a folk corruption of Bacchanals, the wine-god’s rites, mangled by the common tongue
Prince Andrew’s Emergency Royal Secrets Menu: The Alleged Leverage List Nobody Asked For Palace insiders say Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor may possess a vault of embarrassing royal information and is rumoured to consider using it as leverage to avoid further legal jeopardy. According to Wikipedia’s exhaustively updated timeline, Andrew was arrested in February 2026 on suspicion of misconduct in public office and released under investigation — which, in palace language, translates roughly…
Royal Palaces London Confirm the Royals Have Better Houses Than You | Visitors leave astonished at the sheer scale of the property portfolio
Buckingham Arms Review: The Palace’s Name Over a Fine Old Pub | A 4.7 pub named Buckingham Arms, borrowing the name of the palace and dukedom at the heart of the monarchy
2002 – Golden Jubilee Marks 50 Years of Waving Professionally | The Queen Celebrates Half a Century on the Throne, Britain Celebrates Having Something to Celebrate
Palace Confirms Prince Andrew Has Chosen Freedom, Fried Cactus, and Loving County, Texas Buckingham Palace confirmed this week that Prince Andrew has decided the only sensible response to modern royal life is to move to West Texas, purchase a hat large enough to be seen from space, and begin a new chapter as a cowboy in Loving County. The Palace statement stressed that “every care is being taken,” which in royal language means…
Palace Announces New Emergency Category: “Tell-All Weather Warning” ☕👑 Windsor Castle awoke Thursday to the sound of staff shredding documents with the urgency normally reserved for hurricanes, coronations, and corgis discovering espresso. Insiders say the disturbance followed rumors that Sarah Ferguson may publish a book revealing sensitive family matters involving Prince Andrew. The monarchy has faced many threats over the centuries: revolutions, tabloids, hats shaped like dinnerware. But historians agree nothing terrifies a…
Changing of the Guard Renamed “Watching Blokes Stand Still: The Experience” | Revolutionary New Entertainment Concept Involves Doing Absolutely Nothing
