Tag: English Satire

Business News Tourism

Burnham Won’t Back Heathrow Third Runway

Vivienne Pratfall

Burnham Won’t Back Heathrow Third Runway, Britain Advised to Take a Train or Bus to Singapore Prime Minister says Heathrow expansion is principally a matter for London, accidentally inspires Britain’s first intercontinental replacement-bus service LONDON — Prime Minister Andy Burnham has declined to endorse Heathrow’s proposed third runway, telling the BBC that the issue is “principally” one for London and that local voices should be heard before he takes a position. Reuters…

Culture History News Social

Drumcree Garvaghy Road Standoff

Charlotte Whitmore

Drumcree Standoff Returns After 28 Years, Northern Ireland Furious to Discover Someone Rebooted the 1990s Orange Order Parade on Garvaghy Road Reopens a 1998 Peace Process Argument, and It Only Needs 35 Marchers PORTADOWN, NORTHERN IRELAND — Residents of Northern Ireland awoke this weekend to discover somebody had apparently restored the country from a backup file dated 1998, complete with Drumcree, disputed marching routes, emergency court hearings, politicians appealing for calm…

Business Governance Social Tourism

Cure for Government-Controlled Buses

Alan Nafzger

London Discovers the Cure for Government-Controlled Buses Is More Government-Controlled Buses Sadiq Khan Creates Public Bus Company After City Hall Concludes Eight Contractors Are Seven Too Many LONDON — Mayor Sadiq Khan has unveiled Buses for London, a publicly owned operator expected to begin running Route 6 between Willesden and Victoria in late 2027. About 100 zero-emission buses are initially planned, with four more routes due to follow from 2028 before TfL evaluates whether the experiment…

Business Governance

Hillingdon Council Doubles Shop Rents

Cyndi Himmelstiere

Hillingdon Council Doubles Shop Rents, Unveils Bold Economic Plan to Replace Local Businesses With Empty Windows West Drayton discovers exciting new economic theory in which thriving shops become even more valuable once nobody can afford to operate them WEST DRAYTON, LONDON — Hillingdon Council has unveiled what appears to be Britain’s most advanced high-street regeneration strategy: spend hundreds of thousands of pounds making a shopping parade attractive, raise some rents by more…

Business Culture Governance International

More Government From Belgium

Alan Nafzger

Britain Complains Government Controls Everything, Poll Finds Solution May Be More Government From Belgium Voters Apparently Look at Britain’s Regulation, Taxes and State Intervention and Ask Whether Brussels Has Anything Available in a Larger Size LIVERPOOL, England — Britain has reportedly discovered a revolutionary cure for people who believe the country already suffers from excessive government intervention: additional government intervention, but continental. A new POLITICO/Public First poll found that 70 percent of…

Culture Current Absurdities Lifestyle

Nationwide Queue Shortage

Alan Nafzger

Britain Announces Nationwide Queue Shortage, Forms Queue to Complain About It National Crisis Deepens After Citizens Forced to Approach Counters Immediately LONDON — Britain entered unfamiliar constitutional territory Tuesday after officials confirmed that several public buildings had temporarily run out of queues, forcing shocked citizens to walk directly to service counters without first spending 35 minutes staring at the back of another person’s coat. The Department for Public Waiting described the…