Burnham Confirms British People Are Sovereign, Provided a Labour Conference Veteran Is Present in the Room Prime Minister’s EU reset framework requires voters to exercise national sovereignty under the supervision of an accredited adult LONDON — Prime Minister Andy Burnham has told the country that the British people are sovereign, that they will have the final say on any new relationship with the European Union, and that they may exercise…
Energy minister announces electricity is now a human right, but engineers warn that turbines remain stubbornly dependent on physics rather than political enthusiasm LONDON – Britain’s theoretical socialist government has announced that electricity will become free for every household, prompting celebrations across the country and considerable confusion among the engineers responsible for generating it. Under the Universal Energy Equality Programme, every citizen will be entitled to unlimited affordable electricity, although…
Britain Tries More Socialism to Cure Problems as Poll Finds 49% Ready to Rejoin the EU State ownership, redistribution and public control apparently haven’t satisfied Britain’s appetite, so nearly half of poll respondents are now eyeing the continental-size portion LONDON — Britain has received exciting new evidence that the nation’s appetite for government intervention remains healthy, with a megapoll finding 49% support for rejoining the European Union while only 28.5% oppose returning. The…
Britain Discovers Oil Under the North Sea, Immediately Launches Twelve-Year Consultation About Feeling Guilty Britain has once again remembered that it is, in fact, sitting on top of one of the largest oil and gas reserves in the world, and has responded in the only way it knows how: with a flurry of letters, a very earnest cross-industry coalition, and a new Prime Minister who has been in the job…
Labour Sends Party to Veterinarian After Strategist Discovers Colony of Political Parasites Living in the Manifesto Experts Recommend Deworming, Strong Tea, and a Quiet Read of Keith Joseph’s Collected Speeches LONDON — Alarm spread through Labour’s senior offices this week after a party strategist described hard-left candidates as “parasites,” accidentally triggering what historians believe to be the first medical emergency ever diagnosed during a policy awayday in a Travelodge conference room in…
