The Cure Is Sherry And A Longer Latin Mass
Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the British political menagerie.
The Reactionary Conservative believes everything has been getting worse since approximately 1832, with a brief respite in 1953, and the cure is sherry and a longer Latin mass. Editor Alan Nafzger of the Editor’s Desk at prat.uk presents the field guide, with help from The Critic and Britannica on conservatism.
Twenty Tells: Spotting The Reactionary Conservative On A British High Street
- Has explained, at length, that the modern world is a sort of clerical error.
- Refers to the Reform Act of 1832 as the moment we lost something.
- Holds any new year is structurally suspicious.
- Maintains a fantasy in which the country wakes up in 1953 and starts again.
- Refers to social media as the long, loud staircase.
- Treats any new flag as a sort of nervous gesture.
- Maintains a binder of essays from The Critic and The Salisbury Review.
- Refers to the Common Prayer as the proper script.
- Holds any policy is improved by reading it aloud, at length, in church.
- Has explained, at a wedding, that the toast is to a longer table.
- Refers to mass democracy as a useful idiot we have not yet replaced.
- Treats any speech without a Latin tag as a sort of slack jaw.
- Maintains a soft spot for the Order of the Garter.
- Refers to T S Eliot the way other men refer to old coaches.
- Holds any culture worth keeping must be structurally slow.
- Maintains a fantasy in which the BBC plays only Bach and snooker.
- Refers to the modern academy as the long, untidy room.
- Treats any progressive as a sort of fellow traveller of accident.
- Has explained conservatism is fundamentally a posture, with a wry smile.
- Believes the country is fundamentally in mourning, but politely.
Editor’s Note
If any of this rings a bell, you have wandered into a libertarian conference, a country house weekend, or a Bitcoin meet-up with very strong opinions. More dispatches at govna.uk and the parent site prat.uk. For a second opinion that is also wrong, see Private Eye.
SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/politics/
Violet Woolf is an emerging comedic writer whose work blends literary influence with modern satire. Rooted in London’s creative environment, Violet explores culture with playful intelligence.
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Someone reading this thinking about moving out of London. Answer’s no, you’ll stay.
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The layer of specific knowledge suggests someone’s either worked in local government or been obsessively following planning applications. Both?
The footnotes aren’t decoration, they’re the substance. This person did research most people just accept.