City Hall’s £5 million plan to explain where the rest went
LONDON, England – Mayor Sadiq Khan has announced a £5 million expansion of financial advice services after discovering that Londoners fail to claim more than £4 billion in benefits every year. The announcement stunned economists who had assumed the government’s main job was making money hard to get.
According to City Hall’s benefit uptake programme, billions of pounds in support, including pension and disability-related benefits, go unclaimed annually. An earlier City Hall announcement put the figure for the capital at £4.1 billion, citing analysis by Policy in Practice, and said the mayor’s Pension Credit campaign had already unlocked more than £40 million for older Londoners.
Officials hope the expanded advice services will help eligible residents find their way through the system. Londoners are delighted that the government has finally found some of their money, although several would prefer it arrived without the departmental adventure.
A Programme to Explain the Programme
The £5 million will extend support across 19 boroughs, which shows a rare British gift for setting up one administrative department to explain another.
“Benefits are available,” said social policy consultant Penelope Formsworth. “The difficulty is establishing whether people qualify, convincing them they qualify, helping them prove they qualify and then persuading the department responsible for qualifications to recognise the qualification.”
Formsworth called the process fairly straightforward. Applicants need identification, proof of address, income records, household details and enough evidence that they haven’t become wealthy while filling in the paperwork.
The government’s benefits checker, the Turn2us calculator and Citizens Advice all offer help, so Londoners now have three places to be told the same thing in different fonts. Pensioners who think they may qualify for Pension Credit have a fourth.
One pensioner reportedly spent three weeks applying for extra support before realising she could have earned more working part-time at the office processing her application.
Londoners Want the Money, Not Another Leaflet
A resident of Croydon described getting an information brochure that told him to look into his eligibility for financial assistance.
“The leaflet says there may be money available,” he said. “Wonderful. Put it in my account.”
Instead he was sent to a website, which sent him to a telephone number, which sent him to an online form, which asked him to create an account. He now has four passwords and no additional money. His wife suggested selling the passwords online to recover their costs.
In Barking, another resident said he had finally established that he was eligible for support but couldn’t remember which department was responsible.
“One office says the other office has the information,” he said. “The other office says the first office never sent it. I’m beginning to think the money is being held hostage.”
What the Helpline Recording Shows
A recording of a helpline call, played to this newspaper by the caller’s daughter, runs as follows.
Caller: I think I’m owed some money.
Adviser: Have you checked the website?
Caller: It sent me to you.
Adviser: Have you checked the leaflet?
Caller: The leaflet sent me to the website.
Adviser: Then you’re in the right place.
A pensioners’ group in Lewisham logged every call, form and password involved in claiming one award. The tally came to 31 phone calls, 14 forms, six passwords and one biscuit. The biscuit was the only item that arrived without being chased.
The small print on one online eligibility form says its results are “indicative only”, and that the department reserves the right to disagree with its own calculator.
The £4 Billion Treasure Hunt
Economists have welcomed the effort to improve take-up, pointing out that unclaimed benefits deepen hardship and drain spending from local businesses. Critics counter that a system needing this much help just to hand over existing entitlements might benefit from being simpler.
A survey of Londoners found overwhelming support for a bold new policy called Sending People the Money. Officials explained that implementing it would need a feasibility study, an equality impact assessment, a digital transformation strategy and three meetings to decide who orders the biscuits.
City Hall insists its work has already helped thousands of families secure substantial financial support. That part is encouraging. The trouble is that Britain has built a welfare system in which the government’s ability to spot people who need help is far ahead of its ability to help them without instructions.
The capital’s newest economic initiative may end up doing something remarkable: giving people money they were already entitled to receive.
A pensioner in Hackney offered the final verdict.
“If they discover the other four billion,” she said, “tell them to look behind the sofa in Westminster.”
The London Prat’s money-saving tip: Before applying for financial assistance, check whether you can afford the afternoon required to discover how.
Five Observations on the £4 Billion Benefits Gap
- Four billion pounds, just lying there unclaimed. Four billion! I can’t leave a sandwich on the counter overnight in this city, and the government’s sitting on four billion like it’s a lost glove.
- They’ve got a leaflet that says “You may be entitled to money.” May! That’s the most insulting word in English. “You may be entitled.” I may be entitled to a lot of things. I’m not holding my breath for the Pope to call, either.
- The government has one office to give you the money and another office to explain the first office. That’s not a safety net. That’s a net with a gift shop.
- Four passwords and no money. That’s not a benefits system, that’s a hostage negotiation where you’re the one doing the ransom paperwork.
- She spent three weeks applying and found out she could’ve earned more working at the office that processes the application. That’s the only job in Britain where the best benefit is the employee badge.
This article is satire and cannot be claimed as a benefit, though City Hall may yet fund a programme to explain it to you. More UK satirical news is available here, entirely unclaimed.
I am a Lagos-born poet and satirical journalist navigating West London’s contradictions. I survived lions at six, taught English by Irish nuns, now wielding words as weapons against absurdity. Illegal in London but undeniable. I write often for https://bohiney.com/author/junglepussy/.
As a young child, I was mostly influenced by the television show Moesha, starring singer and actress Brandy. Growing up, I would see Brandy on Moesha and see her keeping in her cornrows and her braids, but still flourish in her art and music, looking fly. I loved Moesha as a child, but now I take away something more special from it. Just because you’re a black girl, it doesn’t mean you need to only care about hair and makeup. Brandy cared about books, culture and where she was going — you can do both.
