Tag: Kate Middleton

Culture Entertainment Family Royals Social

Scientology’s Takeover of William and Kate

Oeko Angebot

Twelve Clues Suggest Scientology Is Circling William and Kate, Thirteenth Clue Simply Reads ‘Seriously, How Many Royal Events Is Tom Cruise At?’ Royal journalist assembles 12 pieces of evidence Scientology has reached the heirs, immediately runs out of red string LONDON — Buckingham Palace has reportedly become concerned about Prince William and Catherine’s increasingly visible association with Tom Cruise, although the actual reporting rests on an anonymous source rather than any public…

Entertainment Family Royals

Tom Cruise Says Five Nice Words About Kate Middleton

Margaret Colley

Tom Cruise Says Five Nice Words About Kate Middleton, Britain Deploys Entire Royal-Analysis Industry “William chose well” enters the national bloodstream, where ordinary compliments are immediately converted into constitutional events LONDON — Britain’s royal-commentary infrastructure was placed on heightened alert after Tom Cruise reportedly looked at Catherine, Princess of Wales, and delivered the dangerously concise verdict: “William chose well, she’s beautiful.” The remark, reported by Grazia, contained five words of matrimonial analysis,…

Royals Culture Social

Britain Faces Six Impending Royal Conflicts

Cyndi Himmelstiere

Prince Harry Faces Six Impending Royal Crisis, Palace Quietly Orders Seventh Just in Case Royal Calendar Now Includes Remembrance Sunday, Christmas, Carol Singing and Several Ceremonial Opportunities to Stand Near Someone You Haven’t Spoken to Since 2022 LONDON — Britain, having temporarily run short of constitutional emergencies, has discovered six fresh crises involving Prince Harry, Meghan Markle and the terrifying possibility that somebody might attend Christmas lunch. What are the…

Culture Education Royals

Prince George Begins Eton

Alan Nafzger

Prince George Begins Eton, Discovers Future King Still Has to Find His Own Locker Future Monarch Reportedly Survives Latin, School Forms, and the Shocking Discovery That “Because I’m Heir to the Throne” Is Not an Accepted Excuse for Missing Geography Prince George began life at Eton College this week and reportedly encountered an institution capable of accomplishing something centuries of Parliament, constitutional lawyers, and republican campaigners have failed to achieve: treating a…

Culture Family News Royals Social

Kate Middleton Wears Britain’s Most Unroyal Dress

Alan Nafzger

Kate Middleton Wears Britain’s Most Unroyal Dress, Monarchy Survives Two Side Slits Palace Orders Immediate Review After Princess Appears at Dinner Wearing Colour, Mesh and Detectable Human Legs LONDON, ENGLAND Britain’s constitutional order was placed on heightened alert after photographs resurfaced of Catherine, Princess of Wales, wearing a floral Tory Burch mesh gown containing two side slits during a 2016 royal tour of Bhutan. The dress was worn to a private…

Culture Current Absurdities Royals

Moron’s Accuse Kate Middleton of Being an AI Hologram

Vivienne Pratfall

Kate Middleton Accused of Being an AI Hologram After Committing the Crime of Changing Her Trousers LONDON Discovers a New Conspiracy Theory: The Princess Has More Than One Pair of Trousers LONDON. Kate Middleton’s fans are rallying to her defense this week after a small but extremely confident corner of the MORONIC internet concluded that the Princess of Wales could not possibly have completed the National Three Peaks Challenge, because…

Culture News Royals

Princess Kate’s Perfect Curtsy

Dr. Ingrid Gustafsson, Ph.D.

Princess Kate’s Perfect Curtsy Declared Britain’s Most Stable Institution Since Tea Five Observations From a Nation That Responds to Knee-Bends the Way Other Nations Respond to Moon Landings Princess Kate reportedly bent one knee so gracefully that three backbench MPs immediately assumed someone else was handling the nation. British economists, having run out of believable explanations for anything, briefly credited the curtsy with strengthening sterling. King Charles witnessed the move…