Trump Promises Peace Talks ‘Very Soon’ — Also Reserves Right to Cancel Them ‘Very Soon’ A Masterclass in the Diplomatic Art of “We Shall See How We Jolly Well Feel” WASHINGTON (via a very confused Islamabad) — In what aides are calling a bold new era of “fluid diplomacy” — which is to say, diplomacy with the structural integrity of warm custard — Donald Trump has announced that high-stakes Iran…
Alan Engine Declared Last British Man Who Can Fix Anything Without Watching YouTube Nation Mourns As Alan Engine Retires, Taking All Useful Knowledge With Him Five humorous observations before the bonnet is opened. Britain has museums for steam engines, castles, and Roman coins, yet somehow failed to preserve one Alan. Modern men can stream eight documentaries on carburettors but still cannot change a tyre without emotional weather. Alan Engine once…
Péter Magyar Defeats Viktor Orbán, Confirms That “Resigning Spectacularly” Remains the Most Effective Career Strategy Known to Man Five Observations From a Nation That Has Just Handed In Its Collective Notice — With Two-Thirds of the Votes Hungary has always been a land of deep history, paprika, and the sort of political plot twist one usually associates with a particularly ambitious sub-editor at a provincial newspaper with nothing to lose…
Military Analysts Confidently Explain Events That Were Completely Different 12 Minutes Ago Newsnight Panel Achieves Collective Confidence Across Four Contradictory Positions LONDON — Newsnight, Question Time, Sky News Press Preview, and the Radio 4 Today programme have between them produced, during the week of the 8th to the 12th of April 2026, the most comprehensive body of confidently delivered, mutually contradictory analysis in the history of British broadcast journalism. This…
America’s Largest Warship Has Been Lost at Sea for Eleven Months and the Pentagon Is Handing Out Plaques “I’ve been on longer stretches — the time I was made to wait in a Sainsbury’s queue for forty minutes counts, surely.” — Jack Dee “The Americans say the crew shows ‘resilience.’ That’s the HR word for ‘we’ve misplaced your return flight and we’re not sorry.’” — Frankie Boyle “At eleven months, that’s not…
Europe Discovers It Has a Navy (In Theory): Starmer and Macron Unveil Plan to Secure the Strait of Hormuz Just After Everyone Else Has Secured It A special report on the Franco-British plan to protect shipping lanes, provided the shipping lanes first agree to behave, the Iranians promise not to do anything fruity, the Americans kindly step aside, and the weather holds. The Strait, the Summit, and the Strongly Worded…
Coxwold Village: A Complete Guide to Life Where Everyone Already Knows You’ve Arrived Somewhere in the rolling green calm of North Yorkshire sits Coxwold Village, a settlement so tranquil it occasionally forgets it exists until someone rings the church bell and everyone goes, “Oh right, us.” Coxwold is a village and civil parish inside the North York Moors National Park, sitting 18 miles north of York with a population of precisely 251 souls…
