College Arms Review: The Sports Bar Is Punished for Something It Cannot Control | Half the room is unhappy by definition, every single time, and about half of those will blame the room
Molly Mc’s Review: The Twenty-First Woman Nobody Can Name | Eight postcodes, eight hundred venues, twenty-one women on signs, and we have identified three
Lost Elephant Review: Elephants Do Not Forget, and It Is True | They remember individuals for decades, they recognise the bones of their own dead, and the matriarch holds the map
MAM Review: A 3.8, and It Is the Riverside Tax | Two hundred and thirty-nine people, and most of them had already walked eleven thousand steps before they sat down
Arcade Review: The Food Hall Solves the Group Chat and That Is the Whole Product | Eight thousand reviews, and eleven people who cannot agree on a cuisine can all agree on a building
Banana Pub Crawl Review: A 4.8, and It Is Not a Pub | It is an organised tour, and it holds a better rating than almost every actual bar in Soho, and that tells you something
Royal Exchange Review: No Rating, and a Golden Grasshopper Above It | Gresham built it, burned it down twice, and put an eleven-foot insect on the roof that has outlasted everybody
Craven Gardens Review: Craven Means Cowardly, and It Should Not | The Craven family gave their name to a street where Benjamin Franklin lived for sixteen years – and to an insult they never earned
Bar’z Art Review: The Apostrophe Is in the Wrong Place | Fourteen reviews, a 4.9, and a punctuation mark doing something nobody can explain
Champagne Bar Review: Dom Perignon Was Trying to Stop the Bubbles | The bubbles were a fault, the bottles exploded, and the monk spent his career trying to get rid of them
Top Hat Review: Monopoly Was Invented to Prove That Landlords Are Parasites | The Landlord’s Game, by Elizabeth Magie, was an anti-capitalist teaching tool – and it was sold as the opposite
Puttshack Review: Mini Golf, With the Scoring Taken Away | Seven thousand people have played crazy golf in a bar and a machine has done all the counting for them
Royal Cocktail Exchange Review: A 4.9, and an Exchange Was Where the Prices Were Made Public | The Royal Exchange was built so that merchants could stop meeting in the street, and it invented the price
Engel Bar Review: The Angel Was a Coin and the King Touched You With It | Sufferers of scrofula were touched by the monarch and given a gold angel to wear. Charles II did it to about ninety thousand people.
HDN Review: The Third Initialism, and Nobody Is Saying | Three letters, twenty-three reviews, and the unsolved list is now thirteen entries long
Zodiac Review: The Zodiac Has Moved and Nobody Told You | The constellations have shifted by roughly a whole sign since the system was fixed, and astrology never updated
Libra Review: The Scales Were Carved Out of a Scorpion | It is the only zodiac sign that is not a living thing, and it was made by amputating the claws of Scorpio
Disrepute Review: Reputation Is the Only Currency This Survey Measures | A bar named after having none, in an economy that runs on nothing else
Pegasus Review: He Was Born From the Neck of a Severed Head | Perseus cut off Medusa’s head, and the winged horse came out of the wound, and that is the actual myth
Lucky Voice Review: Karaoke Means Empty Orchestra | Kara, empty. Oke, orchestra. It is a machine that removes the band and leaves the space where you have to stand.
Central Bar Review: A 2.9, and Nine People Decided It | Nine reviews is not a number, and the building it is in was the only good thing to come out of a bombed site
La Conga Review: The Last Camden Article, and It Is a Line of People | A hundred and nineteen articles, and it ends with a dance in which nobody is in charge and everybody is holding on
Sophisticats Review: The Pun Is the Worst in Five Postcodes | And we have assessed four hundred and seventy venues, so this is a considered judgement
Thin White Duke Review: He Disowned This One Completely | The third Bowie character in this file, and the only one he refused to defend afterwards
Trading House Review: A Company Had an Army of Two Hundred Thousand Men | The East India Company was a private business with a standing army twice the size of Britain’s, and it conquered a subcontinent
Simmons Bar Review: 4.8, and the Cheapest High Score in London | Two thousand three hundred people, a 4.8, and a ten-to-twenty-pound price band – which should not be possible
Old Mary’s Review: Another Woman on a Sign, Unexplained | A 4.6 wine bar named after somebody nobody has asked about, which is now the fifth we have logged
Colony Room Review: She Paid Francis Bacon to Bring His Friends | Muriel Belcher gave him ten pounds a week and free drinks to fill the room with people who could afford it, and it worked for sixty years
Dan Simmonds Bar Review: One Review, and the Last Article | Five stars from a single person. Three hundred and ninety-one articles. And we are going to refuse it, exactly as we refused the first.
Distillery Review: Gin Was Cheaper Than Beer and It Nearly Killed London | The Gin Craze, the Gin Acts, and a period in which a quarter of the houses in some parishes sold spirits
