London Relationship Experts Recommend Flirting With Your Partner Daily, Preferably Before Either of You Opens Rightmove
New relationship advice urges couples to rediscover romance through compliments, kisses and briefly discussing something other than rent
Relationship experts are encouraging long-term couples to flirt with each other every day, advice that has caused widespread concern across London, where many established relationships are currently based on sending one another photographs of supermarket items accompanied by the message, “Do we need this?”
The advice follows a Fox News report on relationship flirting, in which relationship and sexuality experts said flirting can promote feelings of attraction, confidence and connection between partners. They also warned that regularly directing romantic energy toward someone outside the relationship may indicate something inside the relationship needs attention.
Londoners immediately demanded clarification on whether asking your husband, “You getting anything from Pret?” legally constitutes foreplay.
Researchers have also linked affectionate touch with relationship satisfaction, intimacy and reduced stress — findings echoed in broader coverage from Psychology Today’s relationship research archive — suggesting there may actually be scientific value in occasionally touching your spouse without first attempting to get past them in the kitchen.
Rule One: Stop Treating Your Partner Like a Highly Familiar Colleague
Long relationships have an extraordinary ability to transform lovers into middle-management.
Early relationship: “You are absolutely gorgeous.”
Eight years later: “Did you move my charger?”
Twelve years later: “I’ve created a shared Google calendar for boiler servicing.”
This is understandable. Life intervenes. Bills arrive. Children appear. Work expands. Somebody has to contact Thames Water. Eventually the person whose neck you once kissed becomes the person responsible for remembering when the council collects glass.
But this is exactly why flirting matters. Relationship experts quoted by Fox encouraged couples to continue “dating” and flirting with their partners rather than allowing playfulness to disappear beneath schedules and household responsibilities.
So occasionally look at the person across the breakfast table and remember: you selected this individual from several billion available humans. Granted, you selected them before discovering how they load a dishwasher. But still.
Rule Two: Learn the British Compliment Escalation Ladder
Londoners cannot suddenly begin saying things like: “You ignite an ancient hunger within my soul.” Your spouse will assume you’ve joined a cult.
Begin gradually.
Level One: “You look nice.”
Level Two: “You look really nice.”
Level Three: “That looks good on you.”
Level Four: “You look incredible.”
Level Five: sustained eye contact.
Only trained professionals should attempt Level Five.
One North London husband reportedly experimented with saying, “You look beautiful tonight,” causing his wife to immediately ask: “What have you done?”
This is the difficulty with restarting romance after fifteen years. Unexpected affection can resemble the opening stage of a confession.
Rule Three: Twenty Seconds of Hugging Is Considerably Cheaper Than Couples Therapy
One expert cited by Fox suggested small affectionate rituals such as a 20-second hug or six-second kiss. There is respectable research behind affectionate touch more broadly. Studies have associated affectionate contact with greater relationship satisfaction and positive emotional outcomes, while some research has found links between touch and lower measures of stress, a point regularly reinforced by the American Psychological Association’s work on relationships.
This is encouraging news because hugging remains one of the few leisure activities in London that has not yet introduced a service charge. Although give Westminster time.
The London relationship experiment is therefore simple: come home, put down the phone, hug your partner. Twenty seconds. No checking WhatsApp. No reaching around them for the remote. No asking halfway through, “Did that Amazon thing arrive?” Just hug.
Scientists call this affectionate bonding. British men over 55 call it “something wrong?”
Rule Four: Timing Matters
Experts also warn that flirtation works better when the receiving partner is receptive. Someone concentrating on work, chores or another stressful task may not appreciate your sudden attempt to recreate Bridgerton.
This seems obvious. Yet civilisation required experts.
Do not approach your spouse while they are trying to assemble an IKEA wardrobe and whisper: “You know what I’d like to do to you?” They will answer: “Find the bloody Allen key?”
Similarly, avoid seduction during the Tesco delivery, a discussion about school admissions, an HMRC login attempt, the final three minutes of Arsenal versus Tottenham, or any moment containing the sentence, “Why is there water coming through the ceiling?”
Romance requires context. Romeo approached Juliet on a balcony. He did not approach her while she was disputing a parking fine with Camden Council.
Rule Five: Flirting Outside the Relationship Is Not Relationship Maintenance
The report’s clearest warning concerned persistent flirting elsewhere. One expert described the urge to seek flirtation outside the partnership as a possible red flag indicating needs that are not being met inside it.
This does not mean smiling at the barista means your marriage has collapsed. London would become uninhabitable.
It means that if you are spending three hours preparing for “casual drinks with Chloe from Accounts” while your spouse has not seen you voluntarily wear trousers with buttons since 2022, certain deductive conclusions become available.
Ask yourself: Why am I seeking attention elsewhere? What do I miss? Could I recreate some of that excitement with my partner? And most importantly: why does Chloe from Accounts suddenly know that you used to play guitar? Your wife hasn’t heard about the guitar since 2009.
Rule Six: Date Night Does Not Require Michelin Intervention
People often assume restoring romance requires reservations, theatre tickets and £94 worth of tiny food balanced vertically. It doesn’t.
Walk along the Thames. Have a drink. Go to a museum. Sit in Greenwich Park. Take the Tube somewhere neither of you normally goes. Share chips. Go home and cook together.
The activity matters less than the psychological shift from household administration unit back into couple.
Our entirely unscientific London relationship survey found that 87% of respondents preferred an affectionate evening with their partner, while 13% could not participate because they were still refreshing OpenTable. Margin of error: approximately one bottle of Rioja.
Rule Seven: Rediscover the Version of Yourself Who Used to Make an Effort
There was once a time when you prepared for dates. Clothes were selected. Hair was considered. Fragrance appeared. Conversation topics were prepared.
Now your partner asks: “Want to go out Friday?” And you answer: “Out where?” As though they have proposed crossing Mongolia by yak.
Relationship maintenance requires occasionally becoming the person your partner originally fancied. Not permanently. Nobody has that kind of energy. Just occasionally.
Put on the shirt. Wear the dress. Book the table. Send the flirtatious message. Bring flowers. Make the joke. Touch their hand. Tell them they look fantastic.
The science is complicated. The principle isn’t.
London Relationship Advice in One Sentence
Flirt with the person you’re already paying £2,700 a month to live beside.
You have already conquered dating apps, awkward first drinks, meeting the parents, moving vans, shared finances and the horrifying discovery that another adult considers that an acceptable temperature for the thermostat. You have infrastructure. Use it.
A relationship isn’t kept alive by remembering how exciting things were at the beginning. It stays alive by periodically creating new beginnings inside the same relationship.
And in London, where almost everything pleasurable now requires an app, reservation, QR code, congestion charge or £14 deposit, flirting with your own partner remains remarkably efficient.
Look at them. Smile. Say something affectionate. Kiss them. Make them laugh.
And tonight, instead of whispering the traditional British words of marital devotion — “Are you coming up?” — try: “You look gorgeous.”
Just be prepared for the inevitable response: “What do you want?”
15 Things London Couples Apparently Need to Know About Flirting
- Marriage in London eventually becomes two people lying in bed showing each other properties they cannot afford.
- The British compliment has been weakened by centuries of emotional rationing. “You look quite nice” may represent levels of passion that would require a restraining order in Italy.
- London couples still flirt. They simply call it “Do you want the last roast potato?”
- A six-second kiss sounds reasonable until you realise most London couples haven’t maintained eye contact for six seconds since the estate agent disclosed the service charge.
- The surest sign that romance has matured is when “I can’t stop thinking about you” becomes “Did you put the bins out?”
- Experts recommend maintaining mystery in a relationship. Nothing achieves this faster than receiving a credit-card statement containing £147 from a restaurant called Sexy Fish.
- Taking your partner on a surprise London date is romantic, provided the surprise isn’t that two cocktails now cost £39.
- There are three stages of a London relationship: passionate attraction, emotional intimacy, and jointly becoming furious about somebody blocking the Tube doors.
- The most intimate phrase in Britain is not “I love you.” It is “I’ve ordered you one.”
- If your partner voluntarily gives you the heated seat on the Overground, marry them immediately. This is approximately as romantic as British civilisation currently permits.
- Flirting with your spouse in public is healthy. Flirting with somebody else’s spouse at a Clapham wine bar is what therapists call “creating material for six extremely expensive sessions.”
- British couples frequently confuse emotional stability with sitting silently together watching Grand Designs and judging Kevin McCloud.
- London dating apps promise unlimited romantic possibilities, which is true in the same sense Heathrow promises unlimited destinations while your flight remains cancelled.
- A long-term relationship needs spontaneity. Try turning to your partner during dinner and saying something completely unexpected, such as, “I booked the restaurant.”
- Experts say you should continue dating your spouse. London economics says this should probably occur once every fiscal quarter.
Disclaimer: This is satire and relationship humour, not personalised medical or psychological advice. The serious underlying point is considerably less ridiculous: affection, playfulness, communication and responsiveness can help couples remain connected, while significant relationship problems may deserve a conversation with a qualified professional.
In the peculiar mythology of this publication, this story is presented as the work of two sentient collaborators: the world’s oldest tenured professor and a philosophy major turned dairy farmer. Any resemblance between their romantic expertise and actual professional qualifications should be examined with the same caution normally applied to dating advice received after midnight in a London pub.
Alan Nafzger was born in Lubbock, Texas, the son Swiss immigrants. He grew up on a dairy in Windthorst, north central Texas. He earned degrees from Midwestern State University (B.A. 1985) and Texas State University (M.A. 1987). University College Dublin (Ph.D. 1991). Dr. Nafzger has entertained and educated young people in Texas colleges for 37 years. Nafzger is best known for his dark novels and experimental screenwriting. His best know scripts to date are Lenin’s Body, produced in Russia by A-Media and Sea and Sky produced in The Philippines in the Tagalog language. In 1986, Nafzger wrote the iconic feminist western novel, Gina of Quitaque. He currently lives in Holloway, North London. Contact: [email protected]
