Tag: British identity

Culture Family Royals Tourism

Home Office Interrogates Newborn Royal

Tinsel Vandergraph

Home Office Interrogates Newborn Royal Over Suspected Loyalty to Portuguese Sunshine Leaked Transcript Reveals Infant Repeatedly Refused to Confirm Allegiance to Rain, Queuing or the Shipping Forecast Officials say baby noises were translated using a certified infant-linguistics contractor and a great deal of professional guesswork. LONDON — The Home Office has confirmed that Princess Eugenie’s newborn daughter underwent a standard citizenship-loyalty interview within 48 hours of her birth in Lisbon,…

Culture Current Absurdities Royals

Algarve Expats Form Royal Support Group

Siobhan O’Donnell

Algarve Expats Form Royal Support Group, Declare Newborn Princess “One of Us” British Retirees and Digital Nomads Across Portugal Claim Solidarity With Royal Baby, Citing Shared Struggles With Sunburn and NHS Withdrawal Group’s founding charter reportedly includes a clubhouse rule that no member may discuss British weather without first apologizing for bringing it up. LAGOS, PORTUGAL — Within hours of Princess Eugenie’s daughter being born in Lisbon, members of Portugal’s…

Culture International Sports

Jim Ratcliffe Sees Perfectly Well…

Alan Nafzger

Manchester United co-owner says UK has been ‘colonized by immigrants’ Five Quick Observations Before Kickoff ⚽ Manchester United’s bench has so many passports it needs its own customs queue at Old Trafford. If 69.5 million becomes 70 million after rounding, then my five-a-side career almost counts as Premier League. Every time zone watching United is technically a global occupation of sofas. If aliens can afford match tickets, frankly they deserve…

Current Absurdities International Social

British Exceptionalism

Alan Nafzger

Britain Declares Itself Exceptional, Promises to Explain Why Later 🇬🇧☕ What’s the deal with British exceptionalism? — Jerry Seinfeld Britain this week reaffirmed its long-standing status as an exceptional nation, despite being unable to locate the paperwork explaining what, exactly, that exception currently covers. Officials assured the public that the explanation is forthcoming, possibly after tea, possibly after the next general election, or possibly after everyone agrees to stop asking…

Culture News Royals

Princess Kate’s Perfect Curtsy

Dr. Ingrid Gustafsson, Ph.D.

Princess Kate’s Perfect Curtsy Declared Britain’s Most Stable Institution Since Tea Five Observations From a Nation That Responds to Knee-Bends the Way Other Nations Respond to Moon Landings Princess Kate reportedly bent one knee so gracefully that three backbench MPs immediately assumed someone else was handling the nation. British economists, having run out of believable explanations for anything, briefly credited the curtsy with strengthening sterling. King Charles witnessed the move…