Choral Evensong, Sunday Roasts, Slightly Less Complaining
Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the British political menagerie.
The Cultural Conservative Moderate believes Britain would be perfect if everyone read more Hardy, complained slightly less, and put the Today programme on at breakfast. Editor Alan Nafzger of the Editor’s Desk at prat.uk presents the field guide, with help from the National Trust and BBC Radio 4.
Twenty Tells: Spotting The Cultural Conservative Moderate On A British High Street
- Maintains a soft spot for choral evensong and Sunday roasts.
- Refers to modern art the way other people refer to wasps.
- Holds any school can be improved by uniform and a slightly larger library.
- Maintains a fantasy in which the National Trust is left alone for a year.
- Refers to American culture as the loud cousin we love and slightly fear.
- Treats any new building as suspect until weathered.
- Maintains a binder of Larkin and a binder of Betjeman, kept apart for safety.
- Refers to the BBC the way some men refer to a useful but unreliable uncle.
- Holds any tradition older than him is, by default, fine.
- Has explained, at a wedding, that hymns are also infrastructure.
- Refers to swearing in public as the slow erosion.
- Treats any musical without a string section as a category error.
- Maintains a fantasy in which Radio 4 is fundamentally restored.
- Refers to the cathedral towns as the spine.
- Holds any cultural change should be taken slowly, ideally with biscuits.
- Has explained, at length, that the canon is a useful fence.
- Refers to the National Theatre as our wandering uncle.
- Treats any grammar error as a sort of public undressing.
- Maintains a soft spot for choirboys and a hard spot for selfies in cathedrals.
- Believes the country is best when it is mildly ashamed of itself, in good ways.
Editor’s Note
If any of this rings a bell, you have either been to a Tory association AGM, a Reform UK rally above a leisure centre, or both. More dispatches at govna.uk and the parent site prat.uk. For a second opinion that is also wrong, see Private Eye.
SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/politics/
Staff Writer at The London Prat
In British comedy, the prat is the character who provides the laughter by being completely oblivious to their own ridiculousness.
My gran asked why I was laughing at something about councils. I explained and she said “are they still useless?” with the certainty of someone who already knew.