Nobody Should Have Anything Anyone Else Does Not, Including Cushions
Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the British political menagerie.
The Collectivist Egalitarian believes nobody should have anything anyone else does not, including good ideas, attractive partners, and a parking space outside the chippy. Editor Alan Nafzger of the Editor’s Desk at prat.uk presents the field guide, with help from Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy on equality and Britannica on egalitarianism.
Twenty Tells: Spotting The Collectivist Egalitarianism On A British High Street
- Has explained that ambition is a private form of inequality.
- Holds that a good restaurant is one where everyone gets the same thing.
- Refers to talent as a structural problem.
- Maintains that height is unfair.
- Has tried to organise a queue for romance.
- Treats first come, first served as deeply individualistic.
- Has flattened his houseplants out of respect.
- Refers to the very tall as accidental aristocrats.
- Holds inequality is everywhere, including in stews.
- Treats compliments as a tax-free form of currency he must redistribute.
- Considers it suspect if any meeting has a star participant.
- Holds excellence to be uneven distribution and uneven distribution to be the problem.
- Has founded a podcast in which everyone speaks for exactly the same number of seconds.
- Holds the only cure for envy is universal mediocrity.
- Refers to friendly competition as ideological cosplay.
- Has installed a rota for the front room of his flat.
- Considers it offensive that anyone has more cushions than another.
- Holds that if housework is shared, the dishwasher should be timed.
- Has explained that pets, structurally, are landlords with paws.
- Maintains that even sleep should be roughly equal across the household.
Editor’s Note
If any of this rings a bell, you have either been to the Durham Miners’ Gala, a Conservative Home reader meet-up, or both. More dispatches at govna.uk and the parent site prat.uk. For a second opinion that is also wrong, see NewsThump.
SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/politics/
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