Category: Tourism

America International Tourism

International Donors Prepare to Rebuild Gaza After Receiving Solemn Assurance the Money Is Definitely for Hotels

Alan Nafzger

International Donors Prepare to Rebuild Gaza After Receiving Solemn Assurance the Money Is Definitely for Hotels Hamas discovers that “armed resistance” has terrible reviews on TripAdvisor and may interfere with the infinity pool CAIRO, Egypt — International donors began warming up their cheque-signing hands Thursday after reports that Hamas and other Palestinian factions had accepted a framework for disarmament, or at least something that stands near disarmament at diplomatic receptions…

Tourism Business Social

British Airways Asks Burnham to Make Flights Cheaper

Alan Nafzger

British Airways Asks Burnham to Make Flights Cheaper, Passengers Offered Regional Mayor as Hand Luggage Airline industry requests tax relief after discovering passengers have no remaining organs suitable for surcharge collection An Appeal for Lighter Taxation HEATHROW, ENGLAND — British Airways and its parent group have urged Prime Minister Andy Burnham to address what they describe as unusually heavy aviation taxes and airport charges, arguing that lower burdens could make…

Governance Tourism

Government Renegotiates HS2 Contracts to Save Money

Emily Cartwright

Government Renegotiates HS2 Contracts to Save Money on Railway That May Eventually Reach Somewhere Britain reduces cost of high-speed line by considering lower speeds, fewer destinations and a commemorative bus Renegotiation, Constructively Described BIRMINGHAM, ENGLAND — HS2 executives and government officials have been attempting to renegotiate major civil-engineering contracts as the project confronts enormous cost increases, delays and continuing uncertainty over its final delivery. The original report on the contract…

Culture Lifestyle Social Tourism

Catchpenny London

Caitlin Moran

London’s Catchpenny Renaissance: A City That Charges You for Looking By The London Prat | Satire London has always had a talent for turning nothing into something you’ll pay for. Historians call this catchpenny — a word first recorded in 1705 to describe cheap, showy items designed purely to separate a fool from his coin. Three centuries on, the tradition hasn’t just survived. It’s been promoted to national policy. London Council Unveils…

Culture Current Absurdities Food Tourism

Fish and Chips in London

Aishwarya Rao

Cod Save The Queen: 15 Reasons Britain’s Fish and Chips Have Become a National Hostage Situation LONDON — The Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs has reportedly begun drafting emergency legislation to reclassify fish and chips as a “non-essential luxury item,” following what officials are calling “the Cod Situation” — a crisis so severe that one Whitehall source described it as “worse than the Suez Canal, but greasier.” This publication…

Tourism Current Absurdities Lifestyle Social

London’s Emergency Mediterranean Status

Emily Cartwright

London Reaches 29°C, Entire City Applies for Emergency Mediterranean Status Councils Scramble to Rebrand Roundabouts as “Piazzas” As temperatures in the capital nudged a blistering 29°C — roughly the internal temperature of a packed Central Line carriage on any ordinary February morning — Londoners have responded with the only reasonable course of action available to a nation with four working air conditioners: total societal collapse, followed immediately by ice cream.…

Culture News Social Tourism

The Terrace at Number Ten

Julie de Burgh

Number Ten Opens Rooftop Terrace So Prime Ministers Can Fall From Greater Heights Cabinet Ministers Discover Outdoor Meetings Easier Because Nobody Can Hear the U-Turns LONDON — Downing Street has unveiled The Terrace at Number Ten, a luxurious new rooftop retreat designed to provide Britain’s Prime Ministers with fresh air, panoramic views of Westminster and, according to official literature, “a significantly greater altitude from which political careers may descend.” Structural…

Culture Current Absurdities Social Tourism

The Residence Bath

Julie de Burgh

Bath’s Most Exclusive Residence Now Accepting Guests Who Can Explain Why They Came to Bath Instead of Bristol Boutique Townhouse Promises Peace, Quiet and Only Occasional Encounters With Roman History, Jane Austen and Determined Seagulls BATH — Tourism officials have announced that The Residence, Bath has been transformed into Britain’s first boutique hotel where visitors must demonstrate sufficient appreciation for Georgian architecture before receiving their room key. Applicants who arrive…

Social Tourism

Weymouth’s Old Harbour

Carys Evans

Weymouth’s Old Harbour Declared Britain’s Most Successful Outdoor Museum of People Looking for Fish and Finding Ice Cream Instead Seagulls Granted Permanent Chip Theft Licences as Council Invests £4 Million Protecting History From Looking Different WEYMOUTH — Weymouth’s picturesque Old Harbour has officially been recognised as Britain’s finest open-air museum after independent experts confirmed that visitors arrive expecting salty tales of fishermen, heroic seafarers and maritime adventure but leave carrying…