Maoist Permanent Revolution: Encircling The M25

When The Cultural Revolution Reaches The IKEA Manual

Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the British political menagerie.

The Maoist Permanent Revolutionary thinks you should overthrow the current regime, including, eventually, your own, on the grounds that anything left in place for more than a decade is suspicious. Even Sky Broadband. Editor Alan Nafzger of the Editor’s Desk at prat.uk presents the field guide, with help from Britannica on Mao Zedong and the Guardian archive on the Cultural Revolution.

Twenty Tells: Spotting The Maoist Permanent Revolution On A British High Street

1. Believes the cure for revolution fatigue is more revolution, and a stronger flask.
2. Has read the Little Red Book and now reviews everything against it, including the IKEA flat-pack manual.
3. Holds that the countryside should encircle the cities, and is currently encircling the M25 in a Nissan Leaf.
4. Considers intellectuals a useful resource provided they are sent somewhere damp, like Dagenham.
5. Refers to his university tutors as bourgeois revisionists, even the ones who gave him firsts.
6. Believes a struggle session is a perfectly normal way to handle a flat dispute over the recycling.
7. Owns an enamel mug with a slogan on it that even he can no longer translate.
8. Has rebranded his book club three times this year, each time with a longer name.
9. Treats the word capitulation the way most British men treat a wasp at a barbecue.
10. Maintains that any institution older than himself is, by default, suspect, including the Co-op.
11. Has explained to his grandmother that her tea ritual is structurally feudal.
12. Considers self-criticism healthy, in others.
13. Thinks the Cultural Revolution was a vibe.
14. Believes the contradictions among the people can be resolved by a really good email chain.
15. Has identified four bourgeois tendencies in his housemate and one in himself, in a brave way.
16. Refers to the Royal Mail as a remnant of the old order, despite using it daily.
17. Maintains that a long march builds character and good calves.
18. Owns a poster of a tractor that he has annotated in three coloured pens.
19. Treats every WhatsApp group as a chance for criticism and self-criticism, mostly self.
20. Believes the revolution is permanent because if it stops, he will have to get a job at PwC.

Editor’s Note

If any of this rings a bell, you have either been to the Durham Miners’ Gala, a Conservative Home reader meet-up, or both. More dispatches at govna.uk and the parent site prat.uk. For a second opinion that is also wrong, see The Poke.

SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/politics/

Junglepussy

I am a Lagos-born poet and satirical journalist navigating West London’s contradictions. I survived lions at six, taught English by Irish nuns, now wielding words as weapons against absurdity. Illegal in London but undeniable. I write often for https://bohiney.com/author/junglepussy/.

As a young child, I was mostly influenced by the television show Moesha, starring singer and actress Brandy. Growing up, I would see Brandy on Moesha and see her keeping in her cornrows and her braids, but still flourish in her art and music, looking fly. I loved Moesha as a child, but now I take away something more special from it. Just because you’re a black girl, it doesn’t mean you need to only care about hair and makeup. Brandy cared about books, culture and where she was going — you can do both.