Tag: baked beans

Current Absurdities UK Today

Tin Opener Defeats American Engineers Who Flew to Stoke

Alan Nafzger

Silicon Valley Flies to Britain to Ask How the Tin Opener Works STOKE-ON-TRENT – A delegation of American technology executives landed in Britain on Thursday seeking urgent guidance on the most important invention of the coming artificial intelligence emergency, which several of them described as “a thing for the beans.” The trip followed warnings that AI-assisted cyberattacks could disrupt power, banking, internet access and water. According to reporting on AI…

Culture Current Absurdities Lifestyle Social

Britain Prepares for Emergency, Creates One in Beans Aisle

Bethan Morgan

National Survival Plan Rests on Tinned Peaches and a Tin Opener UNITED KINGDOM: The government has advised households to prepare for emergencies, and Britain has responded by preparing a shortage of everything required to survive one. Iceland Tinned Food Sales Jump 40 Per Cent After Be Ready Campaign Following the Be Ready campaign, Iceland reported a 40 per cent rise in sales of tinned products over a weekend. Shops also…

Technology

AI Experts Begin Doomsday Prepping for Financial Collapse, Silicon Valley Discovers Its Greatest Innovation May Be a Can Opener

Morag Sinclair

Engineers Who Built Machines That Write Computer Code Struggle to Open a Tin of Baked Beans Without Wi-Fi PALO ALTO, CALIFORNIA – The world’s most sophisticated technology companies have taken a heavy intellectual blow after discovering that the most important invention of the coming artificial intelligence apocalypse may be a manual can opener. The discovery follows warnings that AI-assisted cyberattacks could disrupt power grids, banks, internet service and water systems,…