News Political

House of Commons Declares Shouting a Renewable Energy Source

Five Things Everyone Noticed Before Parliament Did • The House of Commons has not been quiet since 1642 and sees no reason to start now.• Half of London could heat their flats if someone just attached turbines to Question Time.• “With respect” remains the most dangerous phrase in British politics.• Confidence in Westminster rises in direct proportion to available evidence falling off a cliff.• The Speaker now burns more calories…

Current Absurdities

Xbox in the UK: The American Games Console That Has Captured British Living Rooms, Lost Ground to PlayStation, and Is Now Betting That Game Pass and Cloud Gaming Will Settle the Console Wars in Its Favour

Xbox in the UK: The American Games Console That Has Captured British Living Rooms, Lost Ground to PlayStation, and Is Now Betting That Game Pass and Cloud Gaming Will Settle the Console Wars in Its Favour | Microsoft’s Xbox Series X and S Face PlayStation 5 in the UK Market Where Sony Has Consistently Led but Microsoft’s Subscription Model Is Changing What ‘Winning’ the Console War Actually Means

Business News

UK Economy Described as “Resilient”

UK Economy Described as “Resilient,” Meaning It Hasn’t Fallen Over Yet but Is Breathing Heavily Government claims growth is positive if you squint and stop asking follow-up questions about actual household wellbeing The UK economy has once again been praised as “resilient,” a term now widely accepted to mean “upright, but only because it’s leaning on something.” The description followed the release of new figures showing growth at a level…

Culture History News Social

The Man Who Saved London

The Man Who Saved London by Deciding That Parliament Should Not Have to Smell Its Own River Sir Joseph Bazalgette Paris had Haussmann. London had something better: a genuine public health catastrophe so spectacularly revolting that it forced the British government to act. This is, frankly, very on-brand for Britain. Whereas the French rebuilt their city because an emperor had aesthetic ambitions, Londoners rebuilt theirs because the Thames smelled so…

Culture Current Absurdities News

Citizens Refresh News Feed

Citizens Refresh News Feed Hoping for Different News Nation Compulsively Checks Phones Expecting Reality to Change Millions of Britons are spending an average of 247 minutes daily refreshing news applications in the desperate hope that catastrophes will spontaneously improve between refreshes. The phenomenon, described by psychologists as “optimistic compulsion,” sees citizens checking the same headlines repeatedly whilst expecting miraculously different outcomes from identical information. Breaking News Remains Consistently Broken “I…