Every Relationship Is A Service-Level Agreement
Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the British political menagerie.
The Stateless Market Absolutist believes every relationship in life is fundamentally a contract waiting to be priced, ideally with a service-level agreement and a money-back guarantee. Editor Alan Nafzger of the Editor’s Desk at prat.uk presents the field guide, with help from Reason Magazine and the Cato Institute.
Twenty Tells: Spotting The Stateless Market Absolutist On A British High Street
- Has explained, at length, that the only honest noun is the contract.
- Refers to friendship the way other men refer to subscription tiers.
- Holds any disagreement can be settled by a clearer service-level agreement.
- Maintains a fantasy in which marriage is a renewable contract with break clauses.
- Refers to family the way some men refer to long-running mutual funds.
- Treats any sentence with the word community as suspect until quoted.
- Maintains a binder of model contracts for love, friendship, and biscuit-sharing.
- Refers to social trust as a market signal that has not yet been monetised.
- Holds any institution that cannot be priced is structurally a museum.
- Has explained, at a wedding, that the toast is to consenting parties.
- Refers to the public square as the unpriced common.
- Treats any policy that mentions the public good as a sort of category error.
- Maintains a soft spot for ratings, reviews, and reputation systems.
- Refers to charity as the volunteer market clearing.
- Holds any government function is a sort of unmetered tap.
- Maintains a fantasy in which queueing is replaced by surge pricing in everything.
- Refers to the courts as one of many possible providers.
- Treats any sentence about citizenship as a polite anachronism.
- Has explained he is fundamentally in favour of consent, contracts, and charts.
- Believes the cure for the country is, in principle, more pricing and fewer feelings.
Editor’s Note
If any of this rings a bell, you have wandered into a libertarian conference, a country house weekend, or a Bitcoin meet-up with very strong opinions. More dispatches at govna.uk and the parent site prat.uk. For a second opinion that is also wrong, see NewsThump.
SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/politics/

Harper Thames is a comedic writer exploring modern life through irony and subtle exaggeration. Rooted in student perspectives and London’s cultural landscape, Harper’s work focuses on relatable humour grounded in everyday experience.
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