Make Things, Read About It Later, Watch Steel Arrive
Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the British political menagerie.
The Protectionist Nationalist believes the cure for any economy is a tariff, ideally tall, ideally on something somebody he dislikes makes in a country he has not visited. Editor Alan Nafzger of the Editor’s Desk at prat.uk presents the field guide, with help from Make UK and the Department for Business and Trade.
Twenty Tells: Spotting The Protectionist Nationalist On A British High Street
- Has explained free trade is fine, in theory, on holiday.
- Refers to imports the way some men refer to draughts.
- Holds any factory closure is structurally a small national funeral.
- Maintains a fantasy in which the steel industry is recapitalised by a really firm letter.
- Refers to globalisation as the long, sad export.
- Treats any China policy as a sort of personal exam.
- Maintains a binder of trade deficits annotated like school reports.
- Refers to the WTO the way some men refer to a difficult priest.
- Holds any tariff is structurally an act of love.
- Has explained, at a wedding, that the toast is to the British factory.
- Refers to David Ricardo as that nice man with bad ideas.
- Treats any imported car as suspect.
- Maintains a soft spot for shipyards and a harder spot for shipping containers.
- Refers to local manufacturing as the only honest verb.
- Holds any new high-speed rail line should be British, made of steel, and slightly delayed.
- Maintains a fantasy in which the Royal Mint employs everyone.
- Refers to free trade agreements as soft surrenders.
- Treats any economic textbook published since 1985 as a kind of weather.
- Has explained he is not anti-trade, he is pro-here.
- Believes the cure for the country is to make things and read about it later.
Editor’s Note
If any of this rings a bell, you have either been to a Tory association AGM, a Reform UK rally above a leisure centre, or both. More dispatches at govna.uk and the parent site prat.uk. For a second opinion that is also wrong, see The Daily Mash.
SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/politics/
Carys Evans is a prolific satirical journalist and comedy writer with a strong track record of published work. Her humour is analytical, socially aware, and shaped by both academic insight and London’s vibrant creative networks. Carys often tackles media narratives, cultural trends, and institutional quirks with sharp wit and structured argument.
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