Free Markets, Friendly Tariffs, A Small Brass Band
Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the British political menagerie.
The National Liberal believes the country should be free, prosperous, and slightly more fond of itself than is currently fashionable, ideally with a small Union Jack on the lectern. Editor Alan Nafzger of the Editor’s Desk at prat.uk presents the field guide, with help from the Commonwealth and Britannica on national liberalism.
Twenty Tells: Spotting The National Liberal On A British High Street
- Has explained he is in favour of liberty, ideally with a flag in the corner.
- Refers to Britain as the workshop, the wallet, and the warm jumper.
- Holds any free market should be flavoured by a national interest.
- Maintains a fantasy in which the Royal Navy gets a small parade.
- Refers to globalisation as a useful idiot.
- Treats patriotism as a kind of household heating.
- Maintains a binder of John Stuart Mill quotes annotated with Union Jacks.
- Refers to the OECD the way some men refer to a useful in-law.
- Holds any policy that helps Britain is structurally the right one.
- Has explained, at a wedding, that the toast is to the country.
- Refers to immigration as a manageable plumbing problem.
- Treats free trade as good, free trade with friends as better.
- Maintains a soft spot for the Commonwealth and the Royal Mail.
- Refers to Davos the way some men refer to a stag do they did not enjoy.
- Holds any tax cut is improved by a flag waved gently behind it.
- Has explained the BBC could be brilliant, given a haircut.
- Refers to small businesses as the heart, the lungs, and the kitchen.
- Treats any leader without a national instinct as a sort of placeholder.
- Maintains a fantasy in which The Telegraph rings him about the Empire, gently.
- Believes the country is best run by people who like the country.
Editor’s Note
If any of this rings a bell, you have either been to a Tory association AGM, a Reform UK rally above a leisure centre, or both. More dispatches at govna.uk and the parent site prat.uk. For a second opinion that is also wrong, see The Onion.
SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/politics/
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