Neo-Marxist Academic Left: The Footnote Will See You Now

Late Capitalism Is Late For The Special Issue

Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the British political menagerie.

The Neo-Marxist Academic believes capitalism can be defeated by a sufficiently long footnote, ideally one his colleague at Goldsmiths has not yet cited. Editor Alan Nafzger of the Editor’s Desk at prat.uk presents the field guide, with help from Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy on critical theory and the London Review of Books.

Twenty Tells: Spotting The Neo-Marxist Academic Left On A British High Street

1. Has more chapters than friends.
2. Refers to capitalism as late, but cannot tell you what it is late for.
3. Believes hegemony is something you do to a sandwich, in lectures.
4. Has rebranded everyday objects as sites of contestation, including the Oyster card.
5. Treats the reading list as both a weapon and a hostage.
6. Treats co-authorship the way a politician treats a coalition.
7. Has explained to a Pret barista that the queue is a class structure.
8. Believes the working class is interesting in literature and inconvenient on a Northern train.
9. Refers to the proletariat in the third person and at length.
10. Has more conferences than children.
11. Considers Critical Inquiry both an ally and an aspiration.
12. Has used the word problematise as a verb at a wedding.
13. Holds the cure for capitalism is a workshop, a panel, and a small university press book.
14. Refers to other academics as the discourse, especially when avoiding them.
15. Treats his department like a small Politburo with grievances.
16. Believes the revolution will be peer-reviewed.
17. Has explained that everything is, in fact, neoliberal, including weddings.
18. Considers the seminar room a model for society, and society a poorly attended seminar.
19. Owns a tote bag bearing the words Late Capitalism, made under conditions he has not interrogated.
20. Believes the working class will rise, after the special issue is published.

Editor’s Note

If any of this rings a bell, you have either been to the Durham Miners’ Gala, a Conservative Home reader meet-up, or both. More dispatches at govna.uk and the parent site prat.uk. For a second opinion that is also wrong, see Reductress.

SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/politics/

Megan Amram

Megan Amram is a standup comedian based in Portland, OR. She is a native of North London.