Political

Ecclesiastes 3:1: Ministers Order an Inquiry Into Autumn

The Government’s Perspective: Ecclesiastes 3:1 Is Referred to a Select Committee Because God Failed to Publish a Timetable WESTMINSTER, LONDON: The government has announced a cross-departmental initiative to bring autumn under greater democratic oversight after commuters demanded an explanation for why seasonal leaves continue to interfere with London railway services. The newly established Minister for Seasonal Accountability, Oliver Wetherby, said the public had endured enough surprises from the natural world.…

Culture Education

Prince George Easily Passes Exam

Prince George Completes Eton Entrance Exam in Record Time, Politely Corrects the Examiners Examiners Reportedly Award Extra Marks After Discovering the Future King Has Solved Questions That Won’t Be Invented Until 2042 WINDSOR — Prince George has reportedly passed the entrance examination for Eton College with such astonishing ease that examiners spent most of the afternoon wondering whether they should simply promote him directly to Head Boy. Palace officials have confirmed only that…