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UK History Books Recalled

History Books Recalled After Trump’s Comments Accidentally Turn Winning Wars Into Crimes Five Early Observations from the Department of Retroactive Outrage Historians confirm winning a war is now considered “aggressive success” — Churchill, Eisenhower, and Wellington have been referred to the relevant tribunal, pending availability of a sufficiently outraged prosecutor. Students nationwide relieved to learn failing history tests may now be considered “morally consistent.” Museums quietly replacing “victory” exhibits with…

Business Culture

Top 20 London Lawyer Jokes

Top 20 London Lawyer Jokes Billed in Six-Minute Units London is home to the largest concentration of law firms in Europe, a fact that is either reassuring or alarming depending on whether you currently need one. The city’s legal profession ranges from the gleaming glass towers of Magic Circle firms in the City, where partners bill at £1,000 per hour with the serenity of people who have made peace with…

Business Culture Social Technology

Britain Is Pivoting to Ice Skating

Coding Is Dead, Apparently — So Britain Is Pivoting to Ice Skating and Hoping for the Best Somewhere between a grammar school dropout flogging software out of a Luton bedsit and a Silicon Valley billionaire tweeting from his own rocket, a quiet revolution has occurred. According to a former Google executive who began coding at twelve and ascended to the corporate stratosphere, programming is no longer necessary. Not slightly less necessary. Not…

Culture Technology

Human Scientists Defeat AI

Human Scientists Defeat AI in Complex Tasks, Immediately Ask AI to Write the Victory Speech The global scientific community gathered this week to celebrate what many are calling humanity’s greatest intellectual triumph since someone first explained how council tax works without weeping into their Weetabix. According to a widely cited study published in the prestigious journal Nature, human scientists have officially defeated artificial intelligence in complex reasoning tasks. Within minutes of this…

Business Social Sports

Skull Creek Marina

Skull Creek Marina Opens in London The Thames Finally Gets the Marina It Richly Deserves and Cannot Possibly Afford Skull Creek Marina has officially changed course and moored in Britain, where it now serves as the floating London headquarters of Prat.UK, the nation’s leading publication for civic confusion, transport despair, and expensive hobbies grown adults barely understand but will absolutely defend at dinner parties. Formerly tied to real marina heritage…

Culture History Social

London During the Blitz: Locals Furious

London During the Blitz: Locals Furious German Bombers Keep Interrupting the Sacred Tea Schedule, Refuse to Move Appointments LONDON — London officials confirmed today that the German Luftwaffe’s months-long bombing campaign has caused “considerable inconvenience” to the capital’s sacred tea calendar, forcing several residents to move biscuits from the good tin to the emergency tin and, in one extreme case, drink tea while standing. The Ministry of Domestic Inconvenience issued a statement…

America News

Trump Rushed From White House Correspondents’ Dinner

Trump Rushed From White House Correspondents’ Dinner: 15 Observations From America’s Most Bipartisan Floor For one shining moment Saturday night, Democrats, Republicans, journalists, lobbyists, and cable anchors all agreed on something: the carpet under the banquet tables at the Washington Hilton needs vacuuming. The Annual Dinner Finally Added Action Sequences For years critics said the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner had become stale. Producers apparently took notes, because Saturday’s program upgraded from…

Business Culture

Top 20 London Restaurant Jokes

Top 20 London Restaurant Jokes That Are More Honest Than Any TripAdvisor Review London has more restaurants per square mile than it has functioning traffic lights, affordable flats, or politicians with principles. The city’s dining scene is extraordinary, diverse, creative — and absolutely determined to charge you £18 for something that was a peasant dish in 1987. Here are twenty jokes that capture the full glory of eating out in…

News Social

London Council Declares “National Nap Day”

London Council Declares “National Nap Day,” Citizens Respond by Napping at Work Anyway Because Government Permission Is Mostly Optional In a move that could only happen in a city famous for bureaucracy and understatement, the London City Council officially declared a “National Nap Day” this week. Citizens responded predictably: by continuing to nap at desks, on buses, and occasionally in the middle of busy Tube stations, proving that official endorsement…