Eton Restricts Prince George’s iPad After Parents Discover £63,000-a-Year Education Apparently Includes Twelve Hours of Minecraft | Britain’s most famous school rediscovers the ancient pedagogical principle known as “stop playing games and go to bed”
Eton Parents Revolt Over Screen Addiction, School Introduces Revolutionary Educational Technology Known as ‘Turning the Wi-Fi Off’ | After centuries educating Britain’s establishment, Eton discovers the router has an off switch
Prince George and Eton Classmates Handed Nokia Brick Phones, Britain’s Future Ruling Class Sent Back to 2004 for Its Own Protection | Elite pupils discover the ultimate cybersecurity system: a telephone capable of doing practically nothing
Eton Locks Down Student iPads After Boys Discover Elite Education Is Much Easier When You Ignore It and Play Games All Day | Centuries of academic tradition defeated by the discovery that homework competes poorly against unlimited entertainment
Prince George Begins Eton, Discovers Future King Still Has to Find His Own Locker Future Monarch Reportedly Survives Latin, School Forms, and the Shocking Discovery That “Because I’m Heir to the Throne” Is Not an Accepted Excuse for Missing Geography Prince George began life at Eton College this week and reportedly encountered an institution capable of accomplishing something centuries of Parliament, constitutional lawyers, and republican campaigners have failed to achieve: treating a…
Prince William Heroically Breaks Strict Royal Rule By Sending Prince George To The Exact Same School As Every Other Royal Palace Celebrates Bold Educational Innovation Known As “Doing What We Were Always Going To Do Anyway” LONDON — In what royal commentators are describing as a breathtaking act of parental rebellion, Prince William is reportedly preparing to break a strict family rule by sending Prince George to the legendary Eton…
Future Monarch Shocked To Discover Britain Already Has A Constitution And It Is Mostly School Rules Eton Prefects Confirm Authority Derived From Ancient Tradition, Confusingly Similar To The Entire British Government ETON, ENGLAND — Prince George reportedly experienced his first genuine constitutional crisis this week after learning that Britain’s uncodified constitution consists largely of ancient customs, unwritten understandings, confusing titles, and people obeying rules because someone important started doing so in approximately…
