U.S. Navy Supercarrier Breaks Record for Longest Deployment, Crew Begins Identifying as “Ocean Adjacent” “I’ve been on longer stretches than this — the time I worked a full fortnight for Tesco counts, surely.” — Jack Dee “The Americans keep saying the crew shows ‘resilience.’ That’s the word you use when you can’t say ‘we forgot to book their tickets home.’” — Frankie Boyle “At eleven months, that’s not a deployment.…
Meghan Markle’s Newest PR Strategy Allegedly Walks, Talks, and Asks for Juice Boxes There was a time when public relations involved press releases, discreet lunches, and carefully worded denials delivered by men named Rupert who smelled faintly of aftershave and despair. That era is over. According to royal observers, lifestyle commentators, media psychologists, former palace staffers, current Montecito neighbors, and at least one woman who once sat behind Meghan Markle at a…
America Solves Immigration: $100,000 Entry Fee, Neighbourhood Spies, and a Bloke Called a “Homeland Defender” By the London Prat Bureau of Transatlantic Policy Bewilderment The Special Relationship Has Entered Its Bureaucratic Phase The United States of America, that great nation which once declared self-evident truths about liberty and the pursuit of happiness, has landed on a new approach to skilled immigration: charge a hundred thousand dollars for a work visa,…
Tiger Woods and the Ghastly Underbelly of Golf: A Calm, Respectable Sport That Somehow Requires Two Mobiles and a Crisis Manager on Speed Dial Five Understated Observations from the Fairway — Where the Lies Are Long and the Rough Is Rather More Illuminating Than Advertised Golf is the only sport where a man can comprehensively ruin his life whilst wearing a shirt tucked in so neatly it looks as though…
Mellon Foundation Funds Trans Ideology, Accidentally Invents World’s Most Expensive Group Chat Somewhere between a faculty common room stocked with ethically sourced camomile and a spreadsheet labelled “Liberation Budget Q3,” the modern university quietly crossed a line. No one is entirely certain when it happened. Some historians point to the moment a grant proposal contained the phrase “epistemological joy praxis.” Others say it was when a committee approved funding for…
The Grand Claim: Violent Protests Because Trump Needed an Excuse In what may be the most dramatic plot twist since “maybe the butler did it”, Iran’s Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi announced (with absolutely no supporting evidence, mind) that the country’s protests became violent and bloody on purpose just so President Trump could have a pretext to interfere. That’s right. Bloody protests didn’t happen because ordinary people were upset. They allegedly…
New York Declares Art Officially Too Dangerous to Hang Without a Risk Assessment Form Somewhere between a gallery opening and a council committee hearing, New York City accidentally discovered that paintings can now stand for election. Welcome to 2026, where the gravest threat to municipal order isn’t knife crime, inflation, or squirrels with doctorates… it’s a watercolour with opinions. The Day a Painting Applied for a Democratic Mandate: The Rama…
Weather New London WI 54961 Search Sends British Sun-Seekers To A Wisconsin Zip Code By Mistake | The search weather new london wi 54961 points to a small Wisconsin town, not the English capital, leaving the odd Briton checking a Midwest forecast.
Britain Sends One Drone to the Strait of Hormuz, Calls It a Fleet Downing Street Confirms Deployment Is “Significant, Sustained, and Remotely Operated” LONDON — The United Kingdom has deployed a single mine-hunting drone to the Strait of Hormuz in what Downing Street is describing as a “robust and meaningful contribution” to international naval operations, and what the rest of the world is describing as a drone. Prime Minister Keir Starmer…
Fancy a Holiday in the Middle East? Experts Suggest Travel Insurance, a Flask of Tea, and Possibly a Helmet Before you iron your chinos and locate your passport from behind the radiator, aviation authorities would like to gently remind you that the sky is currently undergoing what engineers might call unscheduled restructuring. On 28 February 2026, coordinated US and Israeli strikes on Iran prompted retaliatory missile launches and the closure of airspace over at least eight…
