The shoprite of new london is an American supermarket in one of the many US towns called New London, and has nothing to do with the famous one by the Thames.
NEW LONDON – Geographers have confirmed that the ShopRite of New London is a thoroughly American supermarket, located in one of the surprisingly many United States towns named New London, and bears no relation whatsoever to the famous one with the big clock and the river.
ShopRite Of New London: America Has More New Londons Than You Think
The United States, the Bureau of Duplicate Place Names notes, is scattered with New Londons – in Connecticut, in Wisconsin, in New Hampshire and beyond – each quietly equipped with its own supermarket, hospital, and air of mild confusion.
“Someone searches the ShopRite of New London expecting a branch near Buckingham Palace,” said a spokesperson for the Institute of Mistaken Cities. “There is no ShopRite near Buckingham Palace. There is, however, a perfectly good one in an American town that borrowed the name New London and then built a car park around it.”
What The ShopRite Of New London Actually Is
ShopRite is a genuine American supermarket cooperative, detailed on its official site and described on reference pages like the ShopRite entry, while the original London – the one with no ShopRite at all – is covered by Visit London.
A survey by the Bureau found that the existence of multiple American New Londons generates a steady, transatlantic confusion, with British searchers occasionally landing on grocery deals several thousand miles from where they intended to shop.
“The ShopRite of New London is real, useful, and entirely American,” the spokesperson explained. “The London by the Thames has Waitrose, Tesco, and a deep suspicion of any supermarket that puts the town’s name in the title.”
The Bureau confirmed the ShopRite of New London serves its American community admirably, and asked, gently, that shoppers seeking the English capital direct their search somewhat further east, across an entire ocean.
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In London, the greatest power move is to remain completely unflappable while everyone around you is losing their minds, because showing emotion is basically treason.
The thing about English people is we’d rather be right and miserable than happy and wrong. This validates that choice perfectly. We’ve built an entire civilization on it.
My dad said this should be required reading for anyone who thinks government works. He’s not wrong.