The London Prat

London Dating Scene Announces Every First Date Now Requires Character References Hinge's New "Friend's Take" Feature Arrives in Britain, Promptly Mistaken for a Parliamentary Vetting Committee LONDON. Britain's dating scene has welcomed Hinge's new "Friend's Take" feature, allowing friends to add testimonials to dating profiles, because apparently uploading six carefully curated photographs of yourself holding a cocktail wasn't evidence enough of basic humanity. London Singles Immediately Form Advisory Panels Dating now requires character references. "Returned my Tupperware without being asked." London singles immediately embraced the update by appointing entire advisory panels. "I'm not meeting anyone unless they've been approved by at least three former flatmates, two work colleagues, a bartender from Clapham and someone's nan," said marketing executive Charlotte Briggs while reviewing an applicant whose strongest endorsement read: "Returned my Tupperware without being asked." The City of London welcomed the innovation, predicting Britain's dating economy would soon resemble applying for security clearance at MI5. The Five Stages of Modern London Dating Twelve submissions. "Give him back by midnight." No one asked about the camping trip. Relationship experts confirmed that modern London dating has evolved through several distinct stages. First came swiping. Then came ghosting. Then came breadcrumbing. Now comes peer review. "It's progress," explained one exhausted dater. "Before, you only discovered someone was emotionally unavailable after three dinners. Now their best friend can tell you before you've even ordered the starters." Friends Take Their New Duties Very Seriously Friends now write testimonials. Next up: former landlords and Uber drivers. Friends, meanwhile, have begun treating testimonial requests with the seriousness normally reserved for writing references for judges. "He once queued patiently at Borough Market without sighing." "She apologised to a Deliveroo cyclist." "He voluntarily left a WhatsApp group." Dating analysts say the feature is intended to provide a more authentic picture of users by letting friends contribute photos, videos and short endorsements that the profile owner chooses whether to display. Londoners interpreted this as permission to create an entire Cabinet of Romance. Twelve Submissions, One Verdict One man reportedly received twelve submissions. Ten described him as "actually quite nice." One simply read: "Give him back by midnight." The final contribution consisted entirely of the phrase: "Ask him about the camping trip." Nobody did. What's Next: The Full British Bureaucracy of Romance Experts predict the next update will allow former landlords, Uber drivers, pub quiz teammates and the woman behind you in the Pret queue to submit supporting evidence before a first date can legally proceed. Officials insist this is still considerably simpler than finding a rental flat in Zone 2. As comedian Jack Whitehall once observed, British dating has always run on committee, we've just finally made it official. Britain's romance sector has faced mounting scrutiny in recent years, with dating apps under pressure from regulators and users alike to prove authenticity. Analysts tracking the sector note that trust-based features, friend endorsements, video verification, and voice prompts, have become standard responses to catfishing concerns across the industry. Whether peer-reviewed romance produces better outcomes than the old-fashioned pub introduction remains, as ever, unproven. For more transatlantic dating dispatches, see our sister publication Bohiney.com, where American daters are reportedly demanding notarised references. Auf Wiedersehen, amigo!

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