In Defense of Prince Andrew: The Man Everyone Has Already Convicted Without a Jury, a Judge, or Apparently a Functioning Memory By “An Observer of Unfashionable Opinions and Royal Weather Patterns” There is something deeply comforting about a national villain. It simplifies things beautifully. You take a complicated human being, sand down every inconvenient contradiction, buff the rough edges into something shiny and damning, and present him to the public…
Meghan Markle Unveils Revolutionary Parenting Strategy: Shielding Children From Criticism by Literally Using Them as Shields In what experts are calling the most literal interpretation of “family first” in modern media history, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, is reportedly planning to bring Prince Archie and Princess Lilibet to the United Kingdom not just for tea and scones but as part of a complex public relations shield strategy ahead of her first big…
Hollywood Discovers Law and Order After Tom Cruise Loses a Watch There are turning points in history. The moon landing. The invention of pizza delivery tracking. And now, the moment Tom Cruise reportedly looked at his wrist in London and realized his Rolex had achieved independence. Witnesses say the watch did not simply get stolen. It experienced what urban planners call an unscheduled ownership transition. And just like that, one of Hollywood’s…
“Megan’s Goal Is to Become Queen,” Insider Claims — World Responds With Appropriate Level of Confusion EXCLUSIVE INSIGHTFUL REPORT Montecito, California — In what is being described by experts as “a bold plan that makes total sense only if you squint real hard,” sources say Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, is quietly pursuing the crown — not metaphorically, not symbolically, but literally. Her goal, according to insiders, is to be crowned queen. Not…
Top Ten Reasons the Marxist Media Treat Elon Musk Like a Bond Villain With WiFi Somewhere in a softly lit newsroom, a columnist sips ethically conflicted coffee and whispers, “But what if the rocket has opinions?” Thus continues the long running saga of certain commentators versus Elon Musk, a man whose greatest crime appears to be building things loudly. Let us examine the top reasons the so called revolutionary press reacts…
