Tag: shortages

Governance News

Socialist Government Guarantees Everyone a Car, Delivery Scheduled After Their Funeral

Alan Nafzger

East Germany’s famous Trabant proves that a vehicle can be officially affordable, socially guaranteed and approximately fifteen years away from the showroom BERLIN – Historians examining East Germany’s socialist economy have confirmed that the government successfully demonstrated the difference between guaranteeing citizens access to automobiles and supplying citizens with automobiles during their natural lifetimes. The Trabant became one of the most recognisable consumer products of the German Democratic Republic. It…

Governance News

Socialist Planning Committee Discovers 40 Million Citizens Have Different Shopping Lists

Alan Nafzger

Government’s central economic plan collapses after consumers demonstrate an alarming tendency to want different shoes, meals, cars and refrigerators LONDON – The National Economic Planning Committee has hit an unexpected snag after discovering that Britain’s population does not share a single shopping list. Officials had assumed that the public’s needs could be worked out in advance through one comprehensive five-year economic plan. Citizens, rudely, kept expressing different preferences about clothing,…

Governance News

Socialist Government Makes Groceries Affordable by Making Groceries Unavailable

Alan Nafzger

Ministers celebrate historic reductions in the official price of bread, meat and milk, while supermarkets report a minor technical problem involving the continued existence of food LONDON – The government has announced a historic victory over food inflation after introducing price controls that have successfully reduced the cost of groceries consumers can no longer find. Bread is affordable. Milk is affordable. Meat is affordable. Fresh vegetables are remarkably affordable. The…

Governance News Social

Theoretical Socialism Promises Everyone Free Breakfast, Then Discovers Nobody Grew the Wheat

Alan Nafzger

Government guarantees toast, butter, eggs and coffee for every citizen, but Ministry of Breakfast admits production remains an unfortunate capitalist technicality LONDON – Theoretical socialism has solved world hunger by declaring breakfast a fundamental human right, although government officials concede that the country’s remaining farmers, bakers and chickens have not yet been told what their obligations are. Under the new Universal Breakfast Guarantee, every citizen is entitled to two slices…