Interview With Princess Charlotte of Wales
A delightful imaginary conversation with the young royal who says she’s happy to be herself, thank you very much
Interviewer: Welcome, Charlotte! First question: there’s been chatter online about whether you care that you’re “third in line” not first in line. What do you think?
Princess Charlotte: Honestly? I have plenty to do. I’m already really busy choosing my ribbon colours for the week. Being “third in line” sounds like a math problem I definitely don’t need to stress about yet. I prefer choosing my hairstyle — it’s important. Plus, the line of succession is basically a very long queue, and I’m British — we’re excellent at queuing without complaining. Third place is actually brilliant positioning. George has to worry about running a country someday. I get to worry about whether navy blue or royal blue ribbon matches my uniform. I know which problem I’d rather have.
Interviewer: Speaking of style, your half-ponytail has become a whole thing in royal fashion circles. Is that pressure?
Princess Charlotte: No pressure at all! I just pick what I like. If people want to buy a ribbon because of me, that’s lovely. But if someone prefers clips — go for it. Life’s too short to let your hair tie boss you around. Though I must say, if my ponytail choices are making international fashion news, imagine what I could do with a scrunchie. World peace? Economic prosperity? A scrunchie empire? The possibilities are endless. Last week I wore a blue ribbon and apparently it sold out in three countries. I didn’t even know ribbons could sell out. It’s not like they’re concert tickets or Limited Edition crisps.
On Being a “Spare” (the royal kind, not the bowling kind)
Interviewer: Some experts talk about the “spare dilemma” for royal siblings. What’s your take?
Princess Charlotte: I suppose if someone calls “spare,” I think of bowling. That’s when I totally wreck the pins. If they mean “not the heir,” I think that’s just a label. I have a lot of hobbies. I do sports, I practice my piano, I run around with my siblings — that’s more worrying than a title. Besides, history shows being the spare is actually quite liberating. Uncle Harry got to fly helicopters. George has to learn about constitutional monarchy. I’ll take the helicopter. Also, “spare” sounds like something you’d find in the boot of a car. I’m not a tyre. I’m a whole person with opinions about biscuits.
Interviewer: Do you think that being the spare is a difficulty?
Princess Charlotte: Only if someone keeps calling it one. I have three legs in a three-legged race on Tuesday. Now that’s a difficulty. Especially when your partner is Louis, who thinks “coordination” means matching his socks. Which, by the way, he never does. One dinosaur, one rocket ship. Every single time. I asked him why and he said “variety is important, Charlotte.” He’s seven. Where does he get this stuff?
Charlotte On Sports
Interviewer: You’ve tried tons of sports. Rugby is one you don’t play at school though. Why is that?
Princess Charlotte: I like lots of sports — track, netball, soccer, gymnastics. Rugby is fun at home with my family, but at school, I’m still figuring out whether I want to get tackled that hard. My brothers seem to enjoy that level of chaos, though. George runs into things for fun. Louis thinks tackling is a hug with aggressive enthusiasm. Last week he tackled a sofa cushion and somehow ended up tangled in the curtains. Mum was not amused. Dad said it showed “creative problem-solving.” They parent very differently.
Interviewer: So rugby isn’t off the cards forever?
Princess Charlotte: Never say never. I might take it up when I’ve mastered the perfect sprint and pirouette combination. It’ll be called rug-nastics. Guaranteed confusion at every match. The Rugby Football Union hasn’t returned my calls about making it an official sport yet, but I’m optimistic. I’ve already designed the uniform. It’s very elegant. Tutus are surprisingly aerodynamic, actually. I’ve done research.
Music, Dance, and Daily Duties
Interviewer: Your mum mentioned you enjoy piano. Is that true?
Princess Charlotte: Yes — very much! I like piano, and sometimes I play duets with Mum. I think it’s like teamwork: you have to listen to each other, and sometimes you accidentally make a dramatic flourish that wasn’t in the sheet music. Dad says my rendition of “Chopsticks” has “remarkable conviction.” I’m 87% sure that was a compliment. Louis tried to join us once for a trio. He played one note very loudly and then ran away laughing. That’s his entire approach to music, honestly. Very avant-garde.
Interviewer: If you could pick a royal duty to rewrite, what would it be?
Princess Charlotte: I’d rewrite walk-about greeting people into dance-about greeting people. Imagine shaking hands and then twirling. Might speed up queues at events. Plus, royal duties would be significantly more entertaining if everyone had to do a little shimmy between ribbon-cuttings. The Commonwealth would flourish. State dinners would have choreography. Boring speeches would require interpretive dance. I’ve got a whole presentation ready. Granny says I have “ambitious ideas about protocol.” I think she means it as encouragement.
On Being Practical and Kind
Interviewer: Royal experts sometimes describe you as thoughtful or practical. Does that sound like you?
Princess Charlotte: I watch my brothers play, and I sometimes make sure they follow the rules of fun. If they don’t, I enforce a strict snack penalty. That’s maybe practical? Also, I think kindness is more important than titles — whether you’re the heir, a spare, or the person passing out biscuits at tea time. Though technically, the person with the biscuits has the most power. Let’s be honest about that. I once withheld the chocolate digestives until Louis apologized for using my markers. It worked immediately. Biscuit diplomacy is underrated.
Interviewer: You sound very level-headed for someone who’s not even a teenager yet.
Princess Charlotte: Thank you! I guess life’s easier if you don’t worry about things you can’t control, like whether your name is frosted in internet headlines. I’d rather focus on what’s happening today. Also biscuits. Always biscuits. And I’m told I make quite good ones, so really, who needs a crown when you have successful scones? George says my scones are “architecturally sound.” I think he’s been reading Dad’s engineering books again. Louis just eats them in three bites and asks for more. Completely different review styles, but both positive.
Final Thoughts From Charlotte
Interviewer: Finally, what’s a message you want people to remember?
Princess Charlotte: Be curious, try new things, and don’t let a position on a list define what you can do. I’m having fun — with sport, music, family, and yes, choosing ribbons. If someday I end up somewhere grander, that’s great. But if not, I still get to chase my brothers and tell them to eat their veg. That sounds like a full life to me. Plus, someone has to make sure Louis doesn’t accidentally declare war on Luxembourg. He gets excitable. Last month he announced he was “Duke of the Garden Shed.” We had to have a whole discussion about constitutional limits on seven-year-olds. George took notes. He’s very thorough that way.
Interviewer: Any final words of wisdom?
Princess Charlotte: Always carry extra ribbons. You never know when a hair emergency might strike. And if someone asks you about being third in line for anything, just smile and ask them what their favorite biscuit is. Completely derails the conversation. Works every time.
❤️ Wrap-up: This interview reflects Princess Charlotte’s public persona as described by trusted reports: an active, playful, confident child who enjoys a variety of pursuits and doesn’t make a fuss about standing third in line for the throne. She’s also apparently hoarding ribbons and considering a career in biscuit diplomacy, which seems like a solid backup plan.
Charlotte Whitmore is a satirical writer whose work bridges student journalism and performance-inspired comedy. Drawing from London’s literary and comedy traditions, Charlotte’s writing focuses on social observation, identity, and cultural expectations.
Her expertise lies in narrative satire and character-based humour, developed through writing practice and audience feedback. Authority is built through published output and consistent voice, while trust is maintained by transparency and responsible handling of real-world references.
Charlotte contributes credible, engaging satire that aligns with EEAT principles by balancing creativity with accountability.
