Why Greenland Is the Next American State We Didn’t Know We Wanted (But Definitely Do) A Patriot’s Arctic Manifesto America has always had a talent for discovering it desperately needs something about five minutes before someone else tries to take…
PM’s “Positive Change” Campaign Starts, Nation Waits to See Actual Change A Communications Reset That Accidentally Reset Nothing The Prime Minister this week unveiled a bold new initiative promising “positive change,” a phrase so thoroughly workshopped it now arrives pre-exhausted.…
Starmer Announces “Listening Tour,” Nation Unsure What He’s Listening For A Nationwide Exercise in Earnest Nodding The Prime Minister this week launched what Downing Street is calling a “listening tour,” a carefully choreographed journey across the country designed to prove…
PM Discovers Most Voters Like Him More When He Talks Less – Revolutionary Insight For decades, politicians have labored under the assumption that leadership requires speaking, preferably often, preferably at length, and preferably with a tone suggesting that history itself…
Starmer Unveils “Bold New Phase,” Promptly Reassures Everyone It Will Be Sensible Ambition Announced, Expectations Carefully Lowered The Prime Minister this week unveiled what aides described as a “bold new phase of government,” immediately followed by a series of clarifications…
Starmer’s War With Elon Musk Continues, Proving World Leaders Just Need Drama While roads quietly degrade and policy papers gather dust, the Prime Minister spent another week engaged in a public dispute with Elon Musk, confirming what political historians have…
Labour MPs Weigh Leadership Change, But Running Against Starmer Sounds Like Work Inside Labour headquarters this week, a familiar and deeply comforting mood settled over the building: something must be done, ideally by someone else. The conversation about leadership change…
Starmer Says Britain Is “Turning a Corner,” Nation Asks Which One and Why It Feels Familiar Direction Announced, Location Unclear The Prime Minister this week assured the country that Britain is “turning a corner,” a phrase delivered with the quiet…
Cost of Living Crisis: Starmer’s Solution Is Rail Fare Freeze You’ll Never Notice The government this week unveiled its latest response to the cost of living crisis: a rail fare freeze so subtle it has already been mistaken for a…
PM Now Less Popular Than Liz Truss – Reaching Historical Levels of “Why Bother” Pollsters confirmed this week that the Prime Minister’s popularity has slipped below that of Liz Truss, a comparison that until recently was considered largely theoretical, like…
Starmer Says Government Is “Laying the Groundwork,” Public Asks When the Building Starts Foundations Announced, Construction Pending The Prime Minister this week assured the nation that the government is “laying the groundwork” for meaningful change, a phrase delivered with the…
Starmer Insists Government Is “Making Progress,” Nation Requests Visual Evidence Progress Confirmed, Detectability Optional The Prime Minister this week reassured the country that the government is “making progress,” a statement delivered with the calm certainty of someone who has reviewed…
Starmer’s Long-Form Podcast Strategy: More Words, Still No Answers Long-form podcasts were supposed to be the antidote to modern politics. In theory, they offer depth, nuance, and the rare luxury of time. In practice, they have become the political equivalent…
Starmer Urges Patience, Says “These Things Take Time,” Nation Checks Watch, Calendar, Then History Books Time Requested, Deadline Undefined The Prime Minister this week urged the public to be patient, reminding them that “these things take time,” a statement delivered…
Government “Laser-Focused” on Cost of Living Except When Busy Focused on Everything Else The government has once again reassured the public that it is “laser-focused” on the cost of living, a phrase delivered with such consistency that it now functions…
Starmer’s War With Elon Musk Continues, Proving World Leaders Just Need Drama While roads quietly deteriorate, hospitals improvise, and policy papers age gracefully into irrelevance, the Prime Minister has once again found himself locked in a highly visible dispute with…
Starmer Says Britain Is “On the Right Path,” Nation Asks If There’s a Map, Signs, or a Bench Direction Confirmed, Orientation Optional The Prime Minister this week assured the country that Britain is “on the right path,” a statement delivered…
Government “Laser-Focused” on Cost of Living Except When Busy Focused on Everything Else The government has once again reassured the public that it is “laser-focused” on the cost of living, a phrase delivered with such consistency that it now functions…
Starmer Says Britain Is “Stabilising,” Nation Wonders If This Is the Final Form Calm Achieved, Ambition Quietly Lowered The Prime Minister this week reassured the country that Britain is “stabilising,” a declaration delivered with the soothing tone of a pilot…
Starmer Says Government Is “Building Momentum,” Public Asks Where It’s Being Stored Energy Detected, Motion Still Theoretical The Prime Minister this week assured the nation that the government is “building momentum,” a phrase delivered with the calm assurance of someone…
