Royal Historical Society Narrows Down Location to “Definitely Inside Tower of London”
Centuries of Speculation Culminate in Vague Conclusion
After 540 years of investigation, the Royal Historical Society announced Monday that the disappeared Princes in the TowerEdward V and Richard of Shrewsburyare “almost certainly under something within the Tower of London complex.” The breakthrough came after researchers applied rigorous deductive reasoning and concluded the boys are “somewhere, presumably beneath stuff.”
Scientific Methodology Applied
Dr. Fiona Weatherspoon, lead researcher, explained the process: “We’ve narrowed it down considerably. They’re either under the stairs, beneath a car park–because everything in London is beneath a car park–or possibly inside a wall somewhere. This represents a 95% reduction in possible locations from ‘anywhere on Earth.'”
The investigation utilized cutting-edge technology including “looking around” and “thinking about where you’d hide two murdered princes.” Researchers consulted historical records which uniformly agreed the princes were “definitely disposed of somewhere convenient to where they were murdered.”
Political Implications
“This confirms what historians have suspected,” noted Professor Marcus Dimbleby of Oxford. “Medieval murderers weren’t particularly creative about body disposal. They killed people and put them nearby, usually down a bit.”
The Tower of London announced no plans to search further, as “digging up the entire Tower would be expensive and we quite like the current gift shop location.”
SOURCE: http://newsthump.com/
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