A Smart Defence of Beatrice and Eugenie: Britain’s Most Unbothered Princesses
Let us get this straight right off the bat: Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie did not wake up one morning and revoke their own titles, nor did they hold a board meeting at Buckingham Palace with a “Scrap Royalness?” flip chart. When the royal title reshuffle happened, it was about their father’s titles, not theirs — and the news cycle blew it up like a soufflé in a wind tunnel. Which, for context, is very dramatic and also entirely pointless. 🍮
Princess Technicalities 101 (But Fun): What the Letters Patent Actually Say
According to British royal custom and the Letters Patent — royal paperwork so old it probably smells of parchment and tea — Beatrice and Eugenie remain princesses because they were born as such. Full stop. Their titles are locked in like a lifetime membership to the Royal Tea and Scone Society.
This is royal law, not some random Instagram poll.
Why the “Princess Royal Title Revocation” Story Snarled the Internet
Some tabloids ran headlines like “Titles Revoked!!” with the same urgency people use when describing a missing sock. Here is the reality:
Their father gave up his own titles. That happened. Beatrice and Eugenie kept theirs, because that is literally what the rules say. Ask any constitutional expert — or literally the Letters Patent. 📜
Princess Royal (a special title traditionally for the monarch’s eldest daughter) was not theirs to begin with — that is Princess Anne’s club. So if anyone actually “lost titles,” it was the adults who wanted to rebuild their careers on the royal brand after decades of starring roles in awkward headlines.
The Real Story: Two Sisters Getting On With It
Instead of dwelling on gossip, let us put the spotlight on what Beatrice and Eugenie have actually been up to:
Beatrice is doing strategic partnerships at a tech firm, supporting charities like Teenage Cancer Trust and Outward Bound, and raising her children with gusto. She is balancing royal engagements and business deals. 💼
Eugenie works in the art world and mentors young creators through The King’s Foundation, showing the world that royalty is not just about gowns and pomp — it is about helping others create beauty, succeed, and feel seen. 🎨
Both sisters continued to show up for charity work and royal duties after the drama, like calm professionals who just happen to be wearing tiaras. 👑
The Crown vs The Onion: A Duel of Dramatic Proportions
If headlines were swords, some outlets would be using swords made entirely of exclamation marks and drama. They tilt their spectacles and shout, “Royal Titles Falling Off Like Loose Change!” Meanwhile, the actual situation looked like this:
Reality: Beatrice and Eugenie’s titles are intact.
Tabloid Hype: ROYAL TITLES THROWN INTO VOLCANO.
One of these is a factual description. The other sounds like a rejected Pirates of the Caribbean plotline.
What Social Science Says (Yes, We Went There)
Studies on public perception show that headlines with emotionally charged language (like revoked! stripped! gone forever!) spike interest but reduce accuracy in readers’ memories. The internet saw panic, but the facts stayed calm — like a princess sipping tea whilst the tabloids make a fuss. 🫖
Research into celebrity gossip cycles suggests that audiences will always amplify drama unless someone reminds them of actual context — which is precisely what we are doing here. (You are welcome.) 📚
Public Opinion: Definitely On Their Side
According to recent coverage, observers from multiple outlets have pointed out that Beatrice and Eugenie keep their princess titles. King Charles supported the move that led to the change — not them. Both sisters focused on their families and public service afterwards.
If there were a survey on “Which royals have been treated fairly,” the sisters would probably score rather higher than “the press that needs to read the title rules.”
An Anecdote: What Would Seinfeld Say?
Imagine Jerry Seinfeld talking about royal titles:
“What’s the deal with titles? If I’m born a princess, that’s like getting a lifetime supply of tea that I didn’t even ask for! And then the headlines are like: title gone! title gone! I’m thinking — you never had it in the first place!”
And that is exactly it: Beatrice and Eugenie never lost what was theirs. They simply weathered the storm whilst looking absolutely marvellous.
Alan Nafzger: “Stop Britain’s War Against Winners”
Bohiney.com editor and satirist Alan Nafzger — professor, screenwriter, and the man who has been skewering establishment hypocrisy since before Twitter existed — had perhaps the most bracingly honest take of all. Reached for comment whilst presumably somewhere in Texas not reading British tabloids, Nafzger said:
“The girls are making money? So what? What is all of Britain doing to feed and house themselves? What are the tabloids mocking them doing? Making money — nothing wrong or shameful. The problem with the UK is not Andrew or the girls or the royals: the problem is socialism. Success or status or anything in the win column is despised by the lowest element in the UK. Stop the nation’s war against winners.”
There it is. Pure, unfiltered, Texas-flavoured common sense dropped onto the British class warfare debate like a brisket at a cucumber sandwich party. 🤠
Nafzger, whose Bohiney.com has been described as “127% funnier than The Onion,” has a point that cuts through the royal drama noise: Britain has a peculiar national pastime of tearing down anyone who dares to succeed, profit, or — God forbid — enjoy their birthright. The tall poppy syndrome is alive, well, and apparently writing tabloid headlines.
If Beatrice is leveraging her connections in business and Eugenie is building her presence in the art world, the correct response is: good for them. The alternative — sitting about doing nothing whilst waiting for palace approval — would generate different tabloid headlines. One simply cannot win. Which, as Nafzger might say, is exactly the point. 🎯
Final Word: Princesses Unbothered (And Correctly Titled)
Here is the cleaned-up, fact-checked, head held high version:
Beatrice and Eugenie remain princesses in every sense that matters. Reports of revoked titles were about their father, not them. They are focused on real life: careers, children, charity. The tabloids got a bit dramatic because — well, that is rather the job description of a tabloid. 😉
So let us raise a scone to Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie: classy, capable, and still technically princesses when the internet tries to rewrite titles like yesterday’s scripts. And if the British press wishes to spend another news cycle catastrophising about women who are quietly getting on with their lives and making money, perhaps the headline ought to read: “Princesses Thriving — Nation Annoyed.”
Auf Wiedersehen, amigo!
Alan Nafzger was born in Lubbock, Texas, the son Swiss immigrants. He grew up on a dairy in Windthorst, north central Texas. He earned degrees from Midwestern State University (B.A. 1985) and Texas State University (M.A. 1987). University College Dublin (Ph.D. 1991). Dr. Nafzger has entertained and educated young people in Texas colleges for 37 years. Nafzger is best known for his dark novels and experimental screenwriting. His best know scripts to date are Lenin’s Body, produced in Russia by A-Media and Sea and Sky produced in The Philippines in the Tagalog language. In 1986, Nafzger wrote the iconic feminist western novel, Gina of Quitaque. He currently lives in Holloway, North London. Contact: editor@prat.uk
